What Happened To My Spirit?
by Icy Pheonix
Summary: Sequel to What Happened To My Life. ANGST! BWAHAHAHA!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. Neither do I own its characters, such as Kurama or Hiei, or the plot. I only claim onto the plotline of this story only and any other characters that do not belong to the YYH show are original and mine only. This disclaimer is effective for all following chapters of this story. There is no fine print. HEHE! I sound like I'm reading your rights here…anyway…(Jaws music)…

**DEFAULT CHAP!**

_**ATTENTION! **This is the sequel to my other story, entitled What Happened To My Life, and you really need to read that WHOLE, 66 chapter story to have any hope of understanding this one. Have fun with that! To help you out, I've enclosed a small summary of it here, for those of you that have read it, but may need refreshing of it. This is a summary of only that story, not this one._

_-Katrina's dad will not be coming live with her. _

_-Mie, currently in a kind of coma, will wake up in 70 or more years._

_-Katrina was autographed (whatever that means :P)._

_-Jin and Touya are the two last living members of the Shinobi and are now off doing Shinobi stuff._

_-Dad, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, Hiei and Yukina will all do the spirit detective thing._

_-Keiko is now happily in Japan with her family. _

_-Botan is back to Grim Reaper._

_-Spinacheli was Kurama's real father, NOT Tatewaki Kon as Kurama led Katrina to believe, as Katrina and Kurama are only half-related._

_-Katrina has gone back to the states with her mom to continue to live a normal tenth grade high school life, although, for right now, it's summertime._

_-Lahri/Beauty is dead. I promise you that. She/they won't be coming back. Because remember, Sensu sucked up her soul for his rejuvenation. The soul itself is gone for good._

_-Sensu as we know him is dead, even if his evil isn't, which will go on to inhabit another life form, creating another Sensu of sorts._

_-The Spirit World is fine again, and Koenma and Enma can continue ruling without interference from demons like Sensu. For now. BWAHAHAHAH!_

_So ends the default chap. Chapter 1 is in here too because I hate when an author ONLY gives a default chap and makes you wait a whole other week to get up the first chap._

_All righty! Let's get started!_

**Chapter 1: Florida**

**Sunday, June 8th, 2005**

I sigh. We're in another plane bound for Florida. Also known as the most boring state in the world, where it never snows. Naturally, I am a cold weather person. I am so sick of planes. My mom just randomly decided that I needed some home recuperation, so this was what came of it. I am going to meet this once-great now-retired brain surgeon, who was also one of Mom's teachers in the first part of medical school. This is really just Mom's vacation. I am expected to keep away from her, basically, while Mom learns some tips from this Margaret Sherm character. My mom wants a surgeon's job one day. I say good luck with that.

In any case, I really didn't want to come. I am in such a bad mood right now, and I have been ever since I got home. I'm going into Japan withdrawal. One day, I will just shrivel up and they'll say it was acute unhappy disorder syndrome thingy. Yes, in those exact words. There isn't a name for my kind of disease. I doubt anything they have could cure me. And I can't even talk to anyone back in Japan through a Commir, because they'd probably confiscate it as a terrorist communication, since everyone is still panicked since the attacks 5 years ago. Not to mention my mom would flip.

Indeed, I have lost hope for everything since I left Japan. Hope never put money in anyone's pocket. Hope never saved anyone's life. Hope is a wasted emotion. I am never going to hope for anything again. If you don't have hope, you can't be disappointed. I never want to be disappointed again. I have seen too much. I'm almost at the breaking point. If I suffer one more sadness, one more hurt, I'm going to simply crumble away. Then, my remains will crumble away again.

"Katrina?"

"…Yeah?" I grunt, pretty pissed. I've been pissed this whole day. Ever since Mie and the others, I've not been feeling well. To say the least.

"I missed you so much." She gives me a hug from the next seat over.

I try not to let her see me roll my eyes. She's said that every three seconds for the last hour and a half. "…" My silence. Also known as my exact same _reply_ every three seconds for the last hour and a half.

"I was so worried you wouldn't want to come back, that you'd just want to stay there."

I turn over to her and open my eyes. "Why's that?" _How right she was._

"Why not? Katrina, in that SINGLE letter you wrote me, in the beginning of the year, you wrote how you were making so many friends! And you were always so unpopular in America!"

I glare at her. "Keep it down." She just giggles and hugs me again.

"OH! Oh, Katrina, you'll be so proud of me! I memorized their names, just for you, Kat. Uh…let's see, there was Akane, Kanerusa…Flomiki…Nabiki…Keiko, and…oh, damn—oops! Haha. I shouldn't say damn, I'm sorry. I can't remember the last one."

"Mie." I whisper. "Miyoko Fennko. Get it right."

She looks at me, a little hurt, but she ignores it and stays happy. "Oh yeah! She was the first one you told me about. Do you plan to keep in touch with any of them?"

"I…I guess Keiko. Why?"

"And not Mie? Are you two no longer friends? You wrote me so much about her! About three paragraphs were spent on her. Same with Keiko."

I sigh. "Things happened. It's not that we're not friends, it's just that…" _She's in a coma_.

She looks at me sadly. "Growing apart can be painful. I realized that this year, when I finished up medical school."

(Not quite what happened with Mie and I.)

I turn to my mom and manage a small smile. "You finished med school? _Really?_ That's great." My enthusiasm says the opposite, and I know it. "I guess that's the big secret why we're going to see this doctor? So you can test out your skills and see what she thinks? I _thought_ there was some ulterior motive…"

"Yes!" She looks so excited. "I graduated with a 3.7 GPA. I've been waiting to go back there for so long! That was the only good thing about leaving you in Japan. I didn't have to worry about you."

_No Mom, of course not. I was only risking my life for 4 months rescuing the man that stole your only son away. No, it was a piece of cake. Still, it's not like it's your fault. There was no way you could have known. And you're never going to know._

"What was I talking about? Oh yeah…well, growing apart. It was pretty apparent. I told you I did my first few years of med school before I married Spinacheli—(gasp)—no, not him, it was—"

"Mom, I know he was your first husband, okay? It wasn't hard to figure out, the way you're acting. Just, go on and stop blathering."

"But I'm just so _ashamed_ of it!" She sighs. "Promise me you'll never bring it up. _Please._"

"Mom, relax. It's fine. You don't need to flip out over every little thing. It's annoying."

She looks sad again. "What's wrong?"

"While I'm young, Mom, get on with it." I grumble.

She huffs at me. "Well, I married him when I was 28, and I started school when I was 23, right after college. I didn't get the chance to finish the last year after I was married, so most of my friends graduated without me. And—wouldn't you know it—when I finished it off this year, some of my friends were teachers of that very same college!"

"Are any of them dead? Your friends, I mean." I say, starting to lose the little interest I had. I'm thinking of my own friends, and Mie. How many of _them_ are dead.

"And—huh? Did you ask me if any were _dead_?"

I try to think up an alibi and fail horribly. I content myself with, "Nothing. Go on."

She looks at me strangely, but continues. "Well, when I started to talk to them again, I realized that they were in a whole different level from me. I really wanted to think that things were still the same, but…they weren't. We'd grown too far apart for so long. I only alienated myself by bothering them—"

"Mom, I've forgotten your point." I mutter, and glare out the window.

"I'm getting there! Have some patience! Just letting my philosophical side out to breathe! So, anyway, sometimes when you're away from someone for a long time, you grow different ways, you turn down different paths—"

"MOM!" I say loudly. "I get it, jeez. What a pointless lecture."

"All right, all right!" She purses her lips at me. "Why are you being like this?"

I ignore the question. "So…does this mean you can become a nurse or a doctor or something? And leave that clothing shop?"

She smiles again. "I was thinking a pediatric nurse, specializing in physical therapy, to start off. When I'm done with that, I can use it as a stepping-stone to a true doctor, and then, possibly, a surgeon. We can live like rich people, Kat! I'm only 43, so I still have lots of life left in me. Lots of time."

I honor her with eye contact, something I've barely done this whole ride, and then look away. She's probably the only one that's close to me that's still alive. Everyone else died before they reached 43. Mie and Lahri. Mie and Lahri.

Well, two is close enough to everybody, okay?

"I'll be glad to see Minamino's Tailoring die." She leans her head back against the headrest. "Fitting people all the live-long day. It really takes a toll on your psyche. When I grow old and senile, that shop will haunt my hallucinations."

I don't answer. I just continue staring out the window. All of the little towns below look like dollhouses, or the motherboard of a computer.

_Mie hated computers. I remember how she dreaded technology class._

NO! Don't think about her! Enjoy the plane ride!

But try as I might, the sad thoughts won't leave my mind. They only spread like a cancer, enveloping my soul, and making me more pissed than I already am.

I feel like an, awful, vicious, adult lion that's been fed nothing but carrots for a year and is forced to watch Sponge Bob all day.

Next person that pisses me off is going to _die._

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**Author's Note: All right, this was a bad way to start it off. But, you'll see the significance of Margaret soon. I'll see to it. MWAHAHA! And this applies to every other chapter hence:** **REVIEW ME! REVIEW ME! REVIEW ME! YEAH, YOU HEARD ME THREE TIMES, SO DO IT!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Margaret

Sunday, June 8th, 2005

Oh my god. Florida is really, really bright. This is why old people start to lose their sight. They all go to Florida and burn their eyes out. It's so _hot!_ Japan had generally a pretty cool climate, even in the summer. I tear off my jacket and it doesn't help a thing. Why didn't I just keep wearing my Jun school uniform? That had a really short red skirt and a thin short sleeve orange shirt. But no. I changed into a pair of normal blue jeans and a heavy dark blue tee shirt. And now I'm baking in this environment. Serves me right for _hoping_ that it wouldn't be hot. I'm seriously not focusing. Florida in Julyhot. How did I not figure that stupid little thing out? What is with me? How can my acute unhappiness disorder syndrome thingy be this severe? I swear, my case will write the medical books.

I tentatively leave the non-air-conditioned airport, never looking back, dragging my bright red and yellow suitcase behind me. Thank god it has wheels, or I'd just melt clear off the earth, I'd be so tired. My mom follows me out, keeping her free hand on my shoulder so as not to lose me in the throng of people. Man, all of these people have amazing tans, and they're all really wrinkly and old. And those bums over there are wearing shorts and skirts. Maybe if I gave them 10 cents they'd give them to me.

I pause and wait for my mom. "Mom? What are you doing?"

She hurries up to me, dragging a crumpled map out of her tiny pink pocketbook. It's about big enough to hold two boxes of Tic-Tacs. How did she even fit that entire map in there? "Kat, read this. We're looking for Sun Terrace. We're in Palmetto right now. It's a town within walking distance."

I stare at her incredulously. "You're kidding. We're going to _walk_ there? I'll melt! And then I'll melt again! I HATE THIS TOWN!"

"Of course not. We'll be getting a cab."

_A cab?_ _Those horrible little shoeboxes? We'll never fit all of our stuff in 5 of them, let alone 1! _I can feel an even worse bad mood spreading across me (if that's even possible at this point). "IT'S NOT FAIR!" I yell. I start looking across the map. No…no…there it is. Tiny little Sun Terrace. But it's all the way up there—

"_What_ town are we in now?" I ask angrily, staring at the distance on the map. I must have heard her wrong.

"I just said, Palmetto. Don't you listen?"

_That's what I thought. _I stare, speechless. "Sun Terrace is a bit outside walking distance. Just a little. Mom, it is _nowhere near_ Palmetto. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

"What are you talking about, Kat?" She takes the map from me, and angles it to fit her view. A frown crosses her face. "But I was—well, look at that."

"Yes, _look at that._ MOM, YOU'RE SO STUPID!"

This time, she gives me a death glare to make Hiei proud. "Don't call me names, Katrina. Last chance." She blinks. "How strange. I was almost sure—"

I shake my head, and try to get my bad mood away, and fail. "ALMOST ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! Sun Terrace is way north of here. It'll take us, like, three days. And by a taxicab…you'd better become a surgeon real fast to pay the entire fare. COME ON, MOM! WE'RE LIKE 90 MILES AWAY!"

She starts thinking, resting a hand on her hip. Someone shoves behind me hard, almost catching me off balance, and I whirl around to see a huge woman with at least ten little kids rustling by. She glares at me and shushes one child that is begging for candy. "Excuse you." I hiss at her angrily.

"What?" She says in a screechy whiny voice. She turns and I can see that she has a huge wart on her chin, like a witch. One of her blonde girls of about 5 yelps at the top of her lungs, "Miss Margy, I want that pony over there!" She points towards a sweating horse pulling a carriage. The horse just snorts.

"Hush! And it's not Margy—" 'Miss Margy' hisses at the girl, then turns back to me. "You think I care if I bump some snobby little rich girl like you? I don't! You want one hell of time? Take one of them." She grabs the little girl's hand and yanks her toward me. "Hope here wants a mom, don't you, Hope? Wouldn't you like a kid, girl?"

"Back off." I growl at her, pushing away the child. "My mood's ten times worse than yours, bitch, so for your safety, get on your way." I can feel the panther blood pounding in my veins.

The woman gasps, and this time, my mom smacks the back of my head and pulls me back towards her. "You are not to say that word here! Okay?" She grabs my shoulder and shakes me a little, to shock me.

"Stop it! STOP IT!" I scream at my mom and yank her off me. I glare at her, and she glares right back. Passerby mutter to each other about us, no doubt. I stare Mom down easily.

"Lose the attitude, Katrina, I'm warning you for the last time." She growls, staring at the ground, unable to look at me.

I just sulk. I turn around to find the woman has taken my advice and scrammed. Mom simply continues to stare at the map, looking for routes to Sun Terrace. "Katrina…Katrina, look at me. All right. I picked the wrong airport. We're about 30 miles south of where we need to be. I think we need to get Miss Sherm over here herself to drive us there. I hate to impose, but…"

"Is there no concept of calling her in your head?" I snap at her viciously.

"I don't have her number. She knows mine, but I never asked for hers. And _lose that tone_."

"Then how are we supposed to get her? How long has it been since you've seen Margaret? HOW LONG?"

"This is my first time. You know that. I've read TV interviews with her and she seems nice, but that's all I know about her."

"Mom, you _have_ to be nice in TV interviews. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!"

"You never know, youmight like her."

"IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE I'M EVEN GOING TO _MEET_ HER!" I screech.

"Don't yell at me! I'm warning you. What are our options?"

"Do you know what she looks like? DO YOU?"

"No. The interview article only gave a picture of her when she was younger, because it was written when she was younger. Here, this is it." She roots through her purse and pulls out a crumpled scrap of paper. It shows a woman of about twenty-five in a grainy photograph standing next to a white table loaded with instruments. She's rather plain and she's holding up doctor organ scissors for the camera and smiling with pearly baby teeth.

I blink for a little while and we just stand in silence. Part of my bad mood floats away slowly. Mood swing time. "There's…there's no hope. This interview was from 40 years ago. What if she's dead? You don't know, do you?"

"Katrina!" She says, in a don't-say-stuff-like-that voice. "Let's think of our options, help me out! We could hitchhike up there."

I just stare at her. "That's a stupid idea." I stick the paper in my pocket. I growl to myself.

"KATRINA! We could rent a place here."

"With what money?"

"I brought money!" She says indignantly. "We could stay for two nights in any inn here!"

"Oh, wow. Be still, my heart. And what then? Come on. Another idea."

"We could go back home."

"Mom, the plane to home took off already. And it's…" I consult my watch. "Noon already. The airport is going to be packed at this time. We'll be waiting for 6 hours for another flight to Sacramento."

"I see what you're saying. Well, how about…we could search the yellow pages for Grandma's name and number."

"Your first good idea. Where's the nearest phone booth?" I look around, and my mother walks over to a Mexican immigrant, or at least someone that looks Mexican. He's talking in Spanish to a stunning darkly-tanned girl that looks like she was ejected from a magazine cover. "Donde esta un telefono circa de aqui?" She asks him, sounding very forced and fake. Her pronunciation is terrible. Like me and the Japanese language.

The man glares at her for interrupting them, then grudgingly nods and points to something near me, then continues on his way with the girl. I follow his point, and my eyes (sadly) rest on that huge woman again. And she's in the only phone booth around.

This is just not happening. There is no way life is like this for anyone else.

The woman's butt completely blocks all view of the phone. At least her gang of munchkins all have pacifiers in their mouths and are completely quiet, but they're due to start screaming any minute. And you can't really call them a gang, per say. There's actually only 4, now that I can see them when they aren't screaming. But why am I analyzing this? I need to get her out of there so we can get in one. But I can't.

"Mom, are we going to die?" I ask her forlornly.

"No. We'll just wait for her to get out. We won't bother her or anything." She freezes. "Isn't that that woman you bothered?"

"_She_ bumped into _me!_"

"That doesn't excuse calling her a…you know. When she comes out, you apologize to her."

The woman waits like ten minutes. When I'm ready to stab her to get her out, my mom's cell phone begins to ring. She digs through her purse and answers it. "Hello?…Miss Sherm! Oh, this is great!…You're around here? A pay phone! Amazing! I was just waiting for a woman to…" Then, my mom just stares at the whale—excuse me, the woman. "Please hold on for one second."

She leaves my side, dragging her suitcase, and goes up to the woman in the phone booth and taps her on the shoulder, almost tripping over a munchkin, who screams for some reason when she sees Mom. Maybe it was because Mom stepped on her foot.

Sherm stiffens and turns around with difficulty. All that fat must be hard on moving at all. When she faces my mom, all 600 pounds of her, I can see that she can't be the woman in the photograph. Either that or she's gone very much to seed. I pull the old photo out of my pocket, and compare the faces. I can't see any resemblance. The woman then had a slim figure and curly brown hair and small teeth, and this one's teeth look a lot like a rabbit's, her hair is gray and she's had a little too many Twinkies over the years.

"Yes, Miss?" She asks, with all the charm of a gator. "What do you want? Get it over with, I'm in a hurry to meet someone…"

Ooh. Now that is at least one point against her. She's rude. Mom was wrong. "Margaret? Margaret Sherm the surgeon?" My mom asks her, as though it's a title or something.

She blinks, and pulls up some glasses hanging on a chain around her neck. She squints through them at my mom. "Shiori Minamino? Are you the one who made the appointment? The Chinese one?"

No. No, this cannot be. Not her! There is no way in hell she was once a great doctor! I was only comparing the faces for fun, not because I thought it was really true!

"Ma'am, I am Japanese." She corrects her. "But it's an honor to meet you." She does a little half bow.

"You too." She says flatly. "You're late. I'm very glad you made it at all." Margaret tells my mom, flat out without looking at her. Then, she sees me, and from that moment on never stops looking at me. My brain feels kind of funny looking into those cold black eyes. The eyes try to suck me in, but I look away. She definitely has some powerful eyes.

"It's great to be here." My mother replies.

Silence. Staring eyes on me. I can feel them.

"Um…how are things here?" My mom asks in a very forced voice.

"They are fine. Thank you for asking."

"No problem."

Silence. Are conversations usually this awkward? Margaret just keeps gazing at me. I shift from my right foot to my left awkwardly.

"I have a schedule, and you're keeping me from it. What did you schedule an appointment? What is your business?"

"OH! Um, uh, um, I am a huge fan of your work." She says, getting all worked up. "I was hoping that you would have some tips that could help me practice being a doctor better. I just finished medical school, and I'd like to do my job to the best of my ability."

"Ah, a demonstration? You wish to see a demonstration?"

"OH! Well…yes, that would be nice."

"I'm so glad I came in here to find you. I feel very honored." She has a strange accent. It sounds familiar…wait, it's Japanese. No duh. She was probably studying over there or something. And now she's over here in her retirement.

_Wait. How did Margaret know we were here, a zillion miles away from her house? I don't think Mom told her…so how did she know where to find us?_

"Uh…uh…" My mom casts around for a subject, and then she whirls around to me. I flinch. "Miss Sherm, I don't think you've ever met my little Katrina, have you? You can call her Catty."

_Catty? Since when have I been Catty?_

Her evil black eyes sweep over me, appraising me. "Catty, was it? No, we've met."

"Yes." I agree coldly. The six-year-olds cower at my gaze, and completely obscure themselves behind her.

Mom rolls her eyes at me, telling me to apologize, but I pretend not to see it. The witch goes over to me, closer and closer, her long purple skirt sweeping the pavement. "Isn't she a good-looking one? Those are some prominent cheekbones. Very elegant. And arm muscles to boot."

I'm just waiting for her to ask how much I cost.

"Yes. Yes, she is." My mom finally smiles. She hopes they have something in common. I smile at the woman too, hoping I don't look overly sadistic. Maybe…

"But gracious, Shiori. Look at those green eyes. Unusual for an Asian, right?"

I blink, and feel a ripple of anger. True, it's really a medical wonder I have green eyes, with two Japanese parents. Although I guess it's because I'm half demon that the normal laws of genes don't apply. But that doesn't mean she has to actually say it! My mom also bristles at her rude comment, but before she can say anything—

"How old are you, Catty?"

"Uh—ah— just turned 15…in May…"

"That's old enough not to slump! Stand up straight!"

She's—she's so—_intimidating_. I stand up straight. And I have this whole thing where I turn to jelly if I get yelled at. But there's also something weird about her. I can't place it. I turn up my nose slightly. A big mistake. She looks under my chin and seizes her opportunity.

"And…oh my lord. Catty, dear…" She squints and lifts up my face. Oh no. She can't look there. "Look at this scar!"

She smiles, as though she sees something there. "I knew it." She whispers. I hiss at her in response. Knew _what_?

Oh no. She found it. The one wound that Yukina couldn't heal. It's a long slash, tucked right under my chin when Sensu grabbed my neck (his claws dug into my skin). And now this hag has found it. Oh no. I can't let this go.

My mother goes over, and I yank my chin away. I can't let her see too, or I'll be getting myself a nasty interrogation. "Do you mind?" I half-yell at her, my insides coiling up out of fear of her. "Stop looking at me like I'm a painting or something!"

As soon as it comes out, I regret it. "I—I—" Now she'll kill me. Who could have thought I can face down demons and not this horrid old woman.

"Such cheek. Shiori, make her show some respect."

"MISS SHERM! Uh…uh…uh…if you don't mind, I—I have a question about the upper-rightmost tendon suspending the liver…if you could clear that up for me…?" My mother's voice comes out as a plea. Margaret gives me a severe look and allows Mom to lead her away.

I glare at her retreating back. Jeez. What is wrong with her?

I find a nearby bench in the shade near me, and I happily go under and watch the two talk. Margaret has a very high-and-mighty way of talking. The way she tosses her head at every word. I hate that. Sensu was in that habit as well as Spinacheli. It's so common.

Mom and Bitch walk back after 20 minutes. I don't think they were discussing livers that whole time. And it becomes apparent right away. "Catty, darling, there's been a change of plans." Bitch says.

"What?"

Mom interjects, "Miss Sherm has agreed to take us to an inn to help me learn chiropractics, rather than traveling all the way up to her house. I'll need her lesson to become a pediatric nurse specializing in physical therapy, and as of now, I'm not very good at it."

"How is that a demonstration? It sounds like a lesson." Margaret watches me as Mom traps me in a big hug. I avoid Margaret's potent gaze. She is too weird. There's something…again, there's just something strange about her. A kind of odd aura.

Why is Mom hugging me, and why does it fill me with dread?

"Oh, you didn't know? It _is_ a demonstration! I'll watch Margaret practice on _you_!" My mom grins and hugs me tighter, a little too quickly. "It'll be fun, right!"

My bad mood, almost gone, returns in a millisecond, along with the words, "WHAT…THE…HELL?"

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Author's Note: Review please! I'm sorry, both 1 and 2 were kind of short for me, but I tried to make them both one long chapter and it was too long…MUCH too long, so I decided to split them. So, go on, read chapter 3! And for the record, I like you to review every chapter if possible. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: The "Therapy"**

**Sunday, June 8th, 2005**

After dropping off all 4 of Margaret's munchkins at daycare (it turns out, she was only babysitting for the daycare because she's _such a kind person_ in my mom's words), we have to rest for Margaret for a while. We just wait for her on a park bench while she gathers back her strength. After that's done and (thankfully) only a short (if taxing) walk (a very slow walk with Margaret), we arrive at actually a rather large inn. It's called 'Florida's Best,' and looks surprisingly spacey. I heard that Florida apartments were impossibly cramped.

Maybe I should stop prejudging Florida. They also said the people down here were nicer. Margaret has proven that wrong. The whole time we walked all she did was complain and tell my mother about all of the brainwork she did when she was younger. I almost died just listening.

"I wonder how it looks inside." I say, admiring the outer woodwork. "It looks nice out here."

Mom and Margaret shush me, and we follow Margaret inside. She's such a slow walker. But I can sort of see why. Exercising might cut into her sitting time.

Once inside, Margaret plops right down on a chair in the lobby. Does she even walk three steps before sitting and getting comfy?

But I have to admit, it _is_ very pretty inside. The lobby alone is enormous, with lots of comfy red one-person couches and plants and the walls are painted a bright sky blue, one of my favorite colors. There are magazines and books in a large bookcase next to the check-in/check-out desk. And it's busy, but not overcrowded—people are milling around, going up and down steps, leading children, carrying bags…it's very attractive.

"This is such a cute place!" I say overenthusiastically in an effort to get into a good mood (and failing). It sounds more like, '_This place is so fucking cute it makes my eyes burn!' _I sigh. I can't look forward to life anymore. Maybe I should run away right now. My bad mood will probably drive me to it.

Margaret again stares at me and mops her forehead, but talks to my mom. "Would you get us a room, Shiori? It'll only be for a little while. Go on, don't dally."

My mother grimaces at the long line to the check-in. "Sure." She goes and waits her turn, still managing the heavy suitcases, while I sit down several seats away from Margaret holding my single pack.

Only one thing to say. It's official: the woman indeed has a very bad staring problem. Why does she keep looking at me? I can't be that interesting, can I? I think I liked it better when she ignored me.

Stop staring. STOP STARING! Oh my god, this is so uncomfortable. Why doesn't she look away? Why can she stare at that beautiful geranium over there in that big bay window? Why won't she take her eyes off of me? Is she a spy? Did she find out what I did in Japan and is here to arrest me? OH NO! No, calm down. She couldn't be a spy. Spies have to be athletic. Spies can't be 60. And she'd never have found me anyway. I was in the spirit world the whole damn time. But what if she's a demon? No, she couldn't be a demon. Demons just don't take the form of old ladies. They prefer to be bewitchingly beautiful. Like, Beauty named herself that because she thought her form was beautiful. Key word: _thought._

_JUST STOP LOOKING AT ME, YOU GODDAMN BITCH!_ I almost scream out loud.

After about 10 minutes of screaming in my head, I shut my eyes, and say in a small voice, "Stop watching me! Please!" My god, I'm so scared. This is pathetic. I get so emotional when I'm in Japan withdrawal, apparently. Japan is my drug, and I'm an addict.

Silence. "Does it bother you, Catty?"

"Yes!" I squeak.

"I just think I've seen you before, that's all. I'm trying to place your face. Tell me…were you in Japan at all last year? The Jun Boarding School?"

I whirl to my left to look at her. "How do you know that? Were you a teacher?"

"I merely think I saw you there." She stares at me again, and I give in to those cold black eyes.

"Yes, I was, in fact. Can you _please_ look at something else now?"

She smiles, really creepily. And at that moment, thankfully, my mom comes back, holding a bright blue card key for a room. "All right, it's all clear. Miss Sherm, I won't keep you too long. Just please show me what I need to know, and that will be it. I thank you once again for helping me out."

"Of course." She gets up and follows Mom, and I follow the woman. No way am I having her behind me.

Why me? Why do I have to be the one to go through with this?

_No_, I hiss at myself. I'm being so selfish. This is for Mom. I'll let Mom achieve her dream and in response I just have to let this woman massage the main artery in my arm or something all chiropractic-y like that. I'm helping my mom. That's enough for me. It _is._

"We're looking for #233." My mom calls back to us. We go up some stairs and Mom starts looking at room numbers. Dreading it makes it go faster, and room #233 is the third one she checks. She smiles and swipes the card key, and the light above the large brass knob switches from red to green. I groan, but they can't hear me over the creak of the door. I hesitantly follow the two of them inside. The inside also has bright blue walls and several plants, a bed, a lamp and a window overlooking the city below. We're only on the fourth floor, but it looks so pretty just the same.

I go towards the window to look out it and Mom, eager to get started, grabs me and sits me down on the bed before I have the chance. "Well, she's all yours, Miss Sherm!" She says cheerily. Is it just me, or is Mom just a _little_ too trusting? She just met this woman, but she thinks that some BS interview in the 1960's makes her a good person. I groan again.

"What do I have to do?" I say, feeling sick to my stomach. Mom rubs my wrist to comfort me, still smiling overconfidently.

"Hold out your right arm, with your palm facing up." Margaret says promptly. "Hurry!" Mom promptly pulls out a pad of writing paper and a pen from her purse and scribbles down the instructions. I do it, and flinch just a little as her she places her both her thumbs on that blood vessel on the inside of my arm. She then presses inwards, and it doesn't hurt. My hand starts to fall asleep, but the rest of my arm feels a little better.

"How do you feel?" She asks me.

"My arm feels good." I say, hoping I don't sound too shocked.

"Now you see how it works. By slowing the blood in the main artery, the entire arm relaxes and it's very good for healing physical trauma. You try." Mom obliges and mimics her hand position, but when she presses down on the vein, shooting pain goes through my hand and I cry out.

"OH! I'm sorry, Kat!" She says anxiously. "This was why I failed that section."

"It's like this." Margaret guides Mom's hands back on my other arm this time, and presses down with her fingers. This time, I get the same feeling, and I sigh. Both of my arms feel incredibly weak, but so content.

Wait…in science class, didn't they say chiropractics supposed to make you _stronger?_

"Good job." Margaret says.

"I did it?" Mom asks incredulously.

"Yes." Margaret nods and gives her the first smile I've seen on her huge face.

"Go, Mom!" I tell her, trying to sound as happy as possible. Mom needs encouragement, right?

"I never did it before! Wow, you are a genius, Miss Sherm! My professors never made it this easy!" Mom is ecstatic about her success. I smile at her pride.

Margaret smiles again. "You know what? I don't do this very often, but because you're such a good woman, I'll show you how to do it on her head, too."

She looks happy beyond belief, but then she looks confused. "Thank you…uh, her head?"

"Yes, her head." She states slowly, as though Mom is slow or something.

"Is that even possible?"

"It certainly is. Would you like to see me do it? I actually invented it myself, and it works like a charm. I can't teach it though, I'm sorry. It takes quite a while to perfect."

"Your own technique? Well! Of…of course, if it isn't too much trouble! I would expect nothing better from you, though!"

She smiles, and then turns back to me, and laughs a little. _What?_ And then, she places two fingers on each of my temples. I get a twinge of pain, but my arms don't even move at all. WHAT? I can't even feel them! What's happening? Why can't I move them? Was it the chiropractics that did it?

I breathe deeply. No. I won't kill this for Mom. Margaret knows what she's doing. That paralysis probably only temporary.

She realigns her fingers on my temples. Then, she says in a low voice, "_Son las en grad—_"

Mom stops her. "What are you doing?"

"This song is soothing to the patient. This kind of chiropractic calms the mind, not the body. It's meant to soothe and relieve stress."

"OH!" Her eyes as round as dinner plates, she scribbles it down in her notepad.

"Shut your eyes, dear." She tells me, and I do it. She puts her fingers back on my temples and restarts. "_Son laz en grad keen rah do, fraut pey tih goro a go._"

It sounds almost familiar. I can feel the music in my body. This must be what she meant. The syllables mean nothing to me, and yet they mean so much of everything in the world. I just sigh in comfort. It sounds like the song of a native. And then…the music turns wicked, the soothing melody turning harsh and ragged.

"_Son laz en grad keen rah do, ho mew catty tu…mar…lo._"

All of a sudden, I start shaking as her song ends on that evil, evil note. Something flashes on the inside of my eyelids, a fleeting image, not long enough to see. I can't open my eyes. I can't bat her arms away with my own paralyzed ones. A huge headache sprouts in the middle of my brain and spreads outwards, like a huge growing stone in the center of my mind. I start breathing abnormally. My brain hurts, and hurts, and hurts. Rage. Hate. Pain. The headache brings every negative feeling right into my brain, killing the goodness, killing the love.

She wrenches her hands back from me, and goes, as if she doesn't know, "Catty! What the—what's the matter?" I scream, suddenly able to open my eyes again. I scream again, clutching my head with shaking hands. What did she do to me?

My mother throws herself next to me and gives me a huge hug. "Kat, what happened? Why are you…shaking?"

I really am trembling. I'm about to wet my pants. What did this woman do to me? Margaret starts to go near me to see what's wrong, and then, I jerk back so fast I shoot my mom off balance and she almost falls clear off the bed. "Don't touch me." I hiss at her, in a very deadly way. Panther blood pounds, much stronger than it ever has been. No. No, calm down. I can't become a beast in front of my mother. It's just a horrible old woman anyway. I'm so close to transforming.

"Kat?" Mom feels my forehead, and wrenches her hand back, as though in pain. I just stare at her.

"What?"

"You…you're in a flame, Kat! Your fever must be 109 degrees! When did that happen! Are you in pain!" She turns to the evil Margaret. "Why did she scream? Did you do something wrong?" It sounds more like an accusation than a question.

Margaret's gray eyes narrow in confusion. "No. I've never had that happen to any of my patients before. Possibly because she's sick she was overly affected."

"You did something to me!" I yell. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

She stares at me, and I notice her now gray eyes. Weren't they black before? "I tried to calm you. Instead you got all fired up. It appears I have to work out the kinks of that experiment."

"It was an experiment?" My mom asks savagely. "You _experimented_ on my daughter?"

"Yes. But I had to. If this worked, I would have the cure to all types of stress."

"You still should have told me!"

"I concede that."

Mom sighs, and looks up at her. "I really need to get Katrina back home."

"I'm a doctor."

"I'm sorry, all of my records are with a doctor far north." My mom says coldly. "We'll be seeing you." She takes my hand and we stand up and leave Margaret in the room behind us.

"Well, she should feel perfectly fine in 130 hours, starting now, at 12:00, Sunday. That was what the data told me. Catty, it should feel simply sublime when it happens." She adds as we leave.

"Sorry, got to help my daughter. Thanks." Mom helps me out the door. "You crack." She adds in a mutter. "Come on, let's get back home _now_. I've had about all I can take."

We blow down the many steps, never looking back. Without even stopping to pay for our stay, we walk right past the checkout desk and into the open too-bright outdoors. Mom drags me by my arms. Slowly, the feeling is coming back to them. I can just feel the pressure of her clammy hands.

Mom doesn't say anything as we walk. I can just tell she's steaming inside. And so am I. What did that woman do to me? It was like she wrung the almost good mood out of my brain. And I still have a monster huge headache. And where did the fever come from? Could it be this hot atmosphere?

We charge along the angular streets, getting back to the airport at light speed. I get the idea Mom wants to put as much space between that woman and her as possible.

Almost ramming into several passerby, we finally make it to the airport's entrance and Mom stops, breathing hard. I put my hands on my knees and rest.

"Oh, god damn it, we forgot the suitcases in that room! Stupid, stupid, stupid, mother fuc—" Mom swears a little more (you get the idea), then covers her mouth and remembers I'm here. "I'm sorry, I'm just really pissed here. Are you okay?"

"No."

She kneels down. "Where do you hurt? What happened? We can speak freely. She's nowhere around here."

I sigh. "She probably is. She knew we were all the way up here, right? Somehow, inexplicably."

She blinks. "You…you're right. How did she know we were here?…………But that doesn't matter right now. What happened?"

"It was that song. It…it hurt my head. Something she did really hurt my mind. I still have a huge migraine. She _made_ me get a fever."

"That's silly. But she must have touched you in the wrong place, I don't believe that you were sick was what caused it. You were perfectly fine before we met her. Now we'll just worry about getting home."

"What did she say would happen in 130 hours? Something good?" I groan, and almost fall over before my mom catches me.

"Don't even think about it, Kat. It's fine. She didn't know what she was talking about."

My eyes start to shut, and a fresh wave of pain attacks my forehead. "Mom…I'm tired."

"Okay." She says, pulling an American Express Card out of her miniscule pocketbook. "You just rest. I'll get us home."

I gladly obey her.

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Several hours later, I wake up, feeling very cramped for some reason. That's strange.

"M-Mom?" I ask tiredly. "Mom?"

"Shhh!"

I fall back asleep in this tight space.

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Something rams me in the side, waking me up. The floor I'm on is jerking. I cry out and again when I fidget I feel squished. "MOM!" I half-yell.

"SHHHH!"

"Why?" I whisper.

"You're in a duffel bag. I'll explain later."

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For the third time I awaken. This time, I'm definitely moving. "MOMMMMMMMM!" I scream with all my might, fighting the tight space. It's like I'm in a bag or something.

"LET ME OUT! LET ME—"

Something unzips above my head, catching my hair, and I scream bloodcurdlingly. "HELP! HELP! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

"Kat!" My mother's voice hisses. "You're out!"

I open my tightly closed eyes. I'm in…a bright white tiled room. A bathroom?

"Aren't we at the airport?" I say, stretching. Then, I fall right over flat on my face as I stand and my feet get caught in the bottom on the bag. "AGH!"

"Kat!" She yells again. I look upwards at the tiled ceiling and see her there, all her black hair falling across her face. "Be quiet and relax, okay? Everything is fine. We are at the Sacramento airport. We just got back. I just had to smuggle you into the airport."

"Where was I?" I ask, rubbing my eyes and standing up again.

"In…in my duffel bag. I put you in there because you have to be awake and sober to accept a plane ticket. You know, ever since 9/11, that's how things are."

"Well, I haven't been drinking…"

"You were sleeping for 3 hours. So, I stuffed you in the duffel bag."

So that was the tight space. "Good thing I'm not claustrophobic, Mom. You would have killed me."

"And if I hadn't we'd still be in Florida. Anyway, ready to get back home?"

"Okay."

She hugs me. "Just a general update, sleepyhead: we left at 2:00, since I waited two hours in line, and it's 5:00 now. We should be home in a half hour by car, in time for dinner."

"But what about Margaret?"

"Forget about her. I'll find someone else to practice with. And I promise you'll never again be the guinea pig. Oh, I'm so sorry." She hugs me again, and I hug her back. I'm okay and so is she. Right? Well, except for that 130 hours thing. But, hey, she's a crack all right. I'll just go with the flow on this one. _Nothing_ is going to happen that shouldn't on 130 hours.

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**Author's Note: Did you like it? DID YOU? Does it have you hooked? HUH? TELL ME IN A REVIEW!hh Mom Mo Hhh**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Sick In Mind and Body**

**Monday, June 9th, 2005**

I hear the loud engine of a lawnmower directly outside my window, and my sleep is broken. Either that, or it was the headache. A huge, dull ache in the center of my brain greets me when I open my eyes, and the sunlight streaming in through the window immediately blinds me. I shut my eyes again as fast as I can. I've always woken up to the sun, so why am I so sensitive all of a sudden? What's wrong? I don't remember…I can't remember… why does my head hurt? Why is my body so cold and clammy?

A woman's voice from down the stairs calls, "Katrina?"

"Ah!" I cry. Why the hell is she speaking so loudly?

"What?" My door creaks open, and my mother peers inside at me. I glare at her from under all the covers. She smiles. "You're awake. You slept really late. It's almost 1:00." Again, she says it really loudly. The headache spirals around my head.

She sits next to me on my bed, and guesses where my back is and starts to rub it. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Stop talking so loud." I murmur.

"What?"

"STOP TALKING…so loud…" I mutter.

She looks confused, and then understanding crosses her face. "You really are sick. Look at you." She unrolls the covers a little. "You have a very bad fever, but the rest of your body is cold and clammy, and all of your muscles are clenched. Even your ears are hearing things ten times louder than usual."

Then, it hits me, all of the memories from last night. I'm sick. I'm sick everywhere, in ten thousand ways. My eyes, ears, temperature, overall sensitivity…Margaret made me sick, with that chant. She made me hurt all over. She must have.

I groan. She rolls down the covers some more and rubs my back some more. "Does that feel good?"

I grunt. "No."

"Really? Well then, maybe a hot shower can make you feel better. You know what, let's do that. It'll work wonders."

"…'Kay…"

But in the end, she has to half-carry me to the shower. She supports my one arm, and helps me walk to the bathroom. She opens the door for me and all that, and then sits me down on the toilet. "Whenever you're ready, you can get in." She leaves, shutting the door after her.

Waking up very slightly, I start to take in this bathroom that I know so well. Man, I may love Japan, but I missed the comfort of my own home. I sigh, and relax a little bit on the back of the toilet.

Another wave of pain hits my head as I jostle it very slightly. I have never had a headache this bad, unless you count the one at the end of the Sensu battle, which I don't. How could Margaret have done this to me? It seems silly, in a way, that a mere surgeon could cause these great things with just two verses. I don't believe in witchcraft or any of that anyway. But still…something about her was a little too mysterious. She knew where to find us right away. She was all for taking me as a patient. And that song—that song was so strange. It didn't sound like anything I'd heard in my life. It had…meaning.

But why? Why give me a _headache_? Even if she did work something on me, couldn't she have just mind-controlled me right then and there and make me rob banks or something? Why make me ill? What could be the purpose of her witchcraft?

I've got to stop analyzing this. Margaret didn't work something on me because there is no "workings" that exist.

_But there was a time in my life where I thought demons were fiction too_. A small voice in my mind whispers. _And she warned you that something would happen in 130 hours…_

I ignore it, and stand up to get in the shower. I turn on the water to the third-to-hottest setting, feeling it warm up slowly, the sheer heat caressing my fingers lovingly. I sigh, and take off my clothes and start to walk in. But before I go 3 steps, I get hit with dizziness, and I almost slip and hit my head on the towel rack behind me.

"SHIT!" I scream, just catching myself by using the wall as a stop. I pant hard. Okay. I can't even stand up straight. Shower is out. I hastily go over and plug up the drain in the tub. I can probably handle sitting in a tub of hot water.

In two minutes, when it's full, I climb in while using the wall for support, and sink into the hot water. I exhale slowly as the water reached my neck. Perfect. This is perfect. I haven't had a water treatment in…about 6 weeks, when I was hunting Sensu and waiting for Genkai and Botan. And boy, have I missed it so much!

I sigh and relax, unknotting all of my tightly coiled muscles one by one. All of the sweat leaves. All of the pain. I sigh again. How I've missed you, hot water. It's so comforting…all troubles just disappear…

I just sit and soak for about five minutes, and get the soap to start washing myself. And then…

I look down and by chance see my reflection on the surface of the bathwater. I scream at the wicked beast I see reflected. The face vaguely looks like a panther's, but it can't be real. The fur is a horrible shade of violet and eyes with yellow centers fading out to orange to red. The color of hell. I scream again and hit the bathwater surface to make it reflection go away. The water ripples, but IT doesn't, as though it's pasted to the tub floor. It continues watching me with all that hate. That can't be me! IT CAN'T! I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT!

My mom comes bursting through the door to find me screaming and slapping the bathwater. I can hear her gasp of shock, kind of faraway, and she throws herself on her knees next to me and shakes me, hard. I whirl around to her and continue screaming. She claps a hand over my mouth and just holds me close.

Finally, I can resist the urge to scream, and I just lay my shaking head on her chest. I don't even so much as _look_ at the bathwater.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? Katrina, talk to me! What happened?"

I breathe slower and actually start crying, something I haven't done in years. "It-it (hic) was the (hic) it's in the (hic) water…" I sob harder. "Mo-o-om…"

Mom peers into the water and wrinkles her nose. "There's nothing there, honey, you were just seeing things. But you _were_ scared all right…" (Draw your own conclusions).

I start to calm down some more. I sniffle and say, "When I looked in the water…my reflection was this horrible ugly creature…Mommy, what do I look like right now?"

She pulls away, and studies me. "Beautiful as always." She hugs me tighter, and seems to come to a decision. "Honey, you just wait there. I'm calling a doctor."

"What? Why?"

She lets go of me and starts to turn. "That was a hallucination. I thought it was just a cold, but this is definitely not a cold. This is much, much more. Oh, I hope you're okay. Just wait there, got it?"

"But 'here' is where the thing is!" _Don't leave me, Mommy. Please don't leave me…_

She sighs and drains the water. Slowly, I can see the stuff that held the vision ooze down the drain. "Okay now?"

"Okay." It's not okay. It's really not. But I can handle it. I can handle it. I have to.

She smiles quickly, throws me a towel to cover myself up, and leaves. I just sit and wait like she told me to. It was just a hallucination. I desperately want to think that.

I hide my face in the towel, but the vision remains pasted in my mind's eye, watching me with the awful, pained eyes.

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The doctor arrives in 10 minutes, and examines me right in the tub. It saves her the trouble of undressing me, anyway. I keep my face hidden the entire time in the towel while she gives me a physical exam. Then, she has to take my temperature. I will not move the towel. I can't look at her. So, we end up compromising and she rolls up the towel to only reveal my mouth, so that I hide my eyes from hers while she sticks the thermometer under my tongue. When she's done, I re-cover all of my face and listen to her talk to my mom.

"She has a fever of 101.4. Not dangerous, but still too high. The name of her disease is a cold. My diagnosis is to give her bed rest and plenty of water. She probably won't eat much. But what's strange is that she seems to be entirely healthy except for the temperature."

"But she had a hallucination! Her reflection was a monster or something. Surely that can't be an average cold symptom!"

_It wasn't a symptom. It was real. Can't you see that?_

"It might be stress _combined_ with the bad cold. Has anything irregular happened in her life recently?"

"Well, she just came back from Japan for over a year…and then chiropractics were practiced on her and she said it made her ill…"

"Then I'm right. She just needs to get used to the changes in her life. Give her some time to recuperate and she'll be up within a week."

I can tell my mom isn't satisfied by listening to her voice, but she nevertheless thanks her, writes her a check, and sends her on her way.

Some of the shock wears away. How can that doctor say with a straight face that there's nothing wrong with me? How can she not see what has happened to me? How can Mom agree? How can they betray me and leave me to die inside like this? How can they dismiss my sights as fiction? It really happened. And they…they think they understand. But they never will.

Mom returns and kneels by me. "Are you okay?"

I shake my head no, refusing to take my face out of the towel and honor her with eye contact.

Bitch.

"Can I take you to your bed, honey?"

Another shake of my head.

"Well, you can't sit in this tub all day. Let me get you a drink or some soup." I say nothing, and she sighs. "Katrina, you're just sick and tired and cranky. Nothing in your life is truly bad enough…nothing could possibly be so bad that you can treat me like this. I know how you're feeling, but that's no excuse—"

"No you don't know." I mutter.

"What's that? Speak up."

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA, DO YOU?" I scream, pulling off the towel. "YOU AND THAT STUCK-UP DOCTOR THINK YOU KNOW HOW I'M FEELING, BUT YOU DON'T! THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD POSSIBLY KNOW HOW I'M FEELING! AND YOU DON'T CARE TO KNOW! YOU JUST DON'T CARE!" I start bawling into the towel again. "You don't know…_anything…_" I can feel a tickle of hair on my arms. Oh no. Am I going panther again? Why am I losing control of my demon side so much? First Margaret, then Mom…

My mom rips the towel off of my face. "Give me some credit. I'm trying to get through to you even though you're shutting me out. Go to your room and change and think about what you just said." She smacks my leg to make it sting a little.

I glare at her, and stand up, still stark naked. I almost hit her on the way out, but I barely manage to restrain the urge. I slowly absorb the panther hairs dotting my body, so slowly that she doesn't notice. Thank God I didn't transform completely.

I've never gotten this mad, but I'm angry for the right reasons. She and that goddamn doctor think they understand me. Mom doesn't. She never will. She never had to fight a demon. She'll never know my sacrifices. She'll never meet Mie…or know what happened to her.

It isn't fair how I am the only one to shoulder this. It's not fair how I have to keep these poisonous memories locked up inside. More rage wells in my chest. _Why doesn't she care? She's my mom!_

I stomp into my room and slam the door shut. In a blind fury, I grab a t-shirt, underwear, and jeans, and tug them on viciously, one after the other. I pull the covers from my bed around me and throw myself down. I'm too mad for tears.

I hate everyone and everything. No one had to make the sacrifices I did. No one had to watch their friends die. No one had to lie to their mother about something so huge. No one ever had to become a killer at 15. No one could ever know what is happening to me. The memories are eating me from the inside out, and there's no one that knows.

I want someone to know. I just want someone to really understand me. Is it too much to ask?

I just wait there, stewing in my own dirty thoughts for I don't know how long. The thoughts get darker and darker, falling into self-pity and suffering, falling into selfishness, falling into that reflection, falling into evil itself. How much I've gone through for nothing. I've only hurt myself and others. The one thing I saved was an awful man who abandoned me.

Why did Kurama find me that third night of school? Why did he need me? Did he know I was destined to trample everything? Did he know how much that small encounter would change my life? Did he realize what he had signed me up to do? Did he not see how much it would hurt me?

What happened to my happy life? I can answer that. _Kurama_ happened. He wanted me for my power. The power to destroy others lives and my own. My rampage isn't done. Mie and Lahri are dead, and now I'm even hurting my own mother. He never needed me to _save_ my father. He needed me to _kill_ Sensu. Because, that's what I am. I can only hurt.

Mom interrupts my thoughts when she knocks on the door. "Well, are you ready to talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes there is. I'm coming in."

"Don't—" The door opens, and I hide my face under the covers as fast as I can.

She sits down on my bed. "Well?"

"What do you _want?_"

"Why are you being such a pill, Kat? Aren't you going to apologize?" What a pun. She has no idea how much of a pill I was.

"For what? I was rightfully angry!"

"No, you weren't. I said that you should stop treating me poorly, and you blew up."

"I was treating you _fine._"

"You think so."

"Yes."

"What's wrong? Kat, let me into your feelings. I only want to help."

"Yeah, right. I'm not telling you. You don't care and you don't understand."

I'm glad I can't see my mother's face as she storms out of my room.

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**Author's Note: Review! That's all I have to say. I really want to know what you think of each individual chapter! Haha, muchos gracias to Maki Tokiami. (Is that how you spell it?) She is what you should all strive to be as a reviewer. Reviewed all 66 chaps of WHTML! (clap-clap-clap-clap-clap)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Losing Touch With Reality**

**Wednesday, June 11th, 2005**

What a horrible day yesterday was. Mom was mad at me all day, and I was mad at her. Ever since I blew up at her just two days ago, she's been on me about everything! What is wrong with the world? I was bedridden all day yesterday, at her orders. It isn't even worth talking about. I feel no better. The thing is, everything has been horrible since I came home. She pretty much ignored me the whole day, too, except when she brought me my meals. And then, she just commanded me to eat and left.

At least today, she's letting me out of bed. I am now allowed to sit, not stand, though. This is probably her way of punishing me.

"-na. Katrina!"

I snap out of my thinking zone. "What?"

I turn to my doorway. My mother stands in it. Her eyes pass over me worriedly. "Are you all right, honey?"

I blink. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" There's a noticeable bite in my voice.

She shakes her head. "You're just getting over being sick, for one thing. Can you hear all right? Can I get you anything?" Her voice has lost its sharp edge from yesterday. She must be trying to make up.

She goes towards me, and I flinch. I bat her hand away as she extends it towards my face. "Of course I can. I was just out of it for a second. Just…leave me alone. I'm typing. I'm just getting over being sick, and I want to be alone. Shoo."

She frowns angrily. "I want to start things out the right way, all right? You have to put forth the effort too."

"I don't want to talk to you." I say, struggling to keep in my anger at being disturbed.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that."

I glare at her. "What do you _want_? Get it over with."

"I was going to ask you if you'd like to go with me to my medical school campus to meet my professors, but now, I don't really think I want you there if you're going to be like this. They'd not be impressed by your behavior."

"Good thing you don't want me to come. You saved me the trouble of refusing." I turn back to my computer and my second original story.

"Kat—look at me now." I don't, and she moves closer to me again to try to make me. I actually stand up when she tries. I'm about an inch taller than my mom. I love to glower over her. She says sadly, gazing a little bit up into my eyes, "Ever since we met Margaret, you've been horrible to me, and I'd like to know why. Your being sick is no excuse for this attitude."

I make a show of rolling my eyes. "Are you done, or can I write?"

She stares at me, speechless, then turns and flounces out of the room. I watch her go in disgust. When did she get this annoying? I'm sure she was much more natural before Japan. Same with like, everyone. Mom invited the Johnson's, our neighbors, over when I came yesterday when I was bedridden, and the two adults and their son Bobby were all so frustrating, with their cheerful jabber. People drive me crazy. I couldn't get away and I found myself going _panther_ several times. I hate people now. Living a nightmare for a whole nine months really makes you anti-social.

I sit back down at my computer, and begin to type the next phase of my 9th chapter. Now, if I remember correctly, it was around this time that I discovered my cat eyes. I was so scared about that. Yes, capture the fear. Put it down on paper.

Yes, I've decided to take the expert's advice and write. I finally can truly agree with what they're talking about. Writing frees me. I can let out all my anger and guilt. Yes, it's true. The computer is the only one that understands me. But that will soon change.

The sound of my typing mixes with the splatter of rain outside my window in a soothing, rhythmic harmony, that seems to calm my nerves. This is not really a sequel to my original story at all (the story that landed me in Japan), as I keep telling everyone. This is my own autobiography. I have to tell someone about that horrible experience so I can heal. I will make sure the _world_ will share this suffering. I will give them a fantasy work like no other. In my words of truth, I will let them know what just one girl had to go through by herself. And then they'll see how hard I have it. I have a _right_ to be cranky. God, it's a wonder I haven't gone completely nuts and massacred the neighborhood or some such thing.

I hear my mom's car start up and back out of the driveway. She has got to get a life. Always interrupting me, always trying to get me to go her way, what is with parents? Doesn't she have more to worry about than just failing to understand me?

I type for about 40 minutes, feeling more and more rage take over my mind. Irrational thoughts chase through my mind. I finish a whole 3 chapters. Finally when I begin to record the 18th chapter, I recall that after Hiei had decided to take me out of the spirit world and we hijacked that car, I remember seeing Spinacheli in the car next to mine. Invariably, it sets me thinking on Mom again. _'Meet my professors, Katrina. They want to meet you.' _Blah, blah. I'm past doing something that incredibly stupid. I flip back to the 17th chapter. I had every intention of ending Beauty's life with those radishes. There's no way anyone will ever want to meet me now. I am a killer. A KILLER! KILLERS DON'T PLEASE PEOPLE, DAMN IT! KILLERS DON'T MAKE FRIENDS!

To my horror, tears start streaming down my face as soon as I think that awful, evil word. _Killer. _I gasp and try to suck up my emotions, but I just break apart and start wailing. I hide my face in my hands. I can't take it anymore. I've become an evil, evil killer. Why? Why me?

Shaking, I make my way to the bathroom, and I get a new fresh wave of grief and hatred as I think of Lahri, and how she ran to the bathroom too to escape me. I'm running away from it just like she did. And she _died._

Almost screaming with the pain of it all, I throw up in the sink. I rinse most of it down, trembling. I run out of the bathroom and hit my head on the opposite wall.

I charge down the steps in a frenzy. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I just threw up all my breakfast. I'm hungry.

I fly into the kitchen. I throw open the refrigerator door, feeling all of the pent-up cold rush out at me. I pull out some bread, and some jelly, and some peanut butter. I need a sandwich.

Still sobbing, I pull out a knife. I slice the pre-sliced bread into thick chunks. I grab the knife. I start to lather on the peanut butter on one chunk, spreading it all over the place on all sides of the vaguely cube-shaped lump. Then, the jelly. I stick the knife into the jelly as hard as I can, fracturing the jar. I slop on the jelly. I smear some more peanut butter on top of that. I get careless. Like a maniac, I chomp down as hard as I can on one section of the lump.

The knife slips.

I gasp, as the wicked, deadly blade of the knife hits my wrist. It's a steak knife. What was I thinking? Why didn't I get a butter knife? What the hell possessed me to forsake the safe butter knife? It slices through my wrist, about an eighth of an inch. It falls and clatters to the floor, almost impaling my foot.

I freeze, and so does time itself. I stare at my wrist, and I see the tiny cut grow red and liquid. Some red juice slides out. The blood runs along the edge of my arm, and then it reaches my elbow, where it builds up and drips to the ground.

Drips.

Drips some more.

I watch it slowly seeping out of the shallow cut, in a detached way.

It feels…good.

It—it feels _good_!

All that heat, running down my arm. It feels…good. Ahh, it feels good. Like the tub of yesterday. All the heat running across my flesh. But this heat is safe. It won't show me monsters. Safe, safe hot liquid. Ahh…safe, safe heat. It's not a monster. It's heat and happiness.

I pick up the knife, slowly. I smile a little.

And I cut myself again, making a little cross on the inside of my left forearm.

The cut's deeper this time. About a quarter inch now. More blood comes out. I…laugh. It doesn't hurt. It feels great. It feels like nothing I've ever experienced. I'm no longer crying. This cut just healed my soul. It's not blood that's coming out. It's stress. All that stress is leaving me. The monster will never come again. I know it.

I smile at it joyfully. Cutting is…amazing. It takes away all bad feelings about anything in the world. More blood drips out, more and more. Focus on the blood. All my troubles just melt away. No monster. No stress. No…unhappiness. I'm happy. So very happy.

I'm not a killer. Of course I'm not. It wasn't my fault at all. If they died, they were destined to die. It was not my fault.

I shut my eyes, and breathe in all this new knowledge. _It's not my fault…_

I suddenly hear the doorbell ring, while I'm muddled in all this bliss.

Could it be my mom?

Why is she back so early? Why is she interrupting my happiness? I look at the clock. Hm. It must be wrong. It says that it's 45 minutes later than it was before. There's no way all that took 45 minutes of my life. But wasn't I typing for 40 minutes? Whatever…

I simply stare at the door. It rings again, in a more agitated way. Again, again, again. I don't want to let her in. I really don't. I'm not a monster. I'm not a monster and I don't have to let her in. I'm not a killer or a monster or a mean person or anything bad so I don't have to let her in. But, I should let her in. Since I'm not a monster I should do the good thing. I should let her in. I should I should I should I should…

In all of these thoughts slowly rises the good person. I slowly muster up the strength to go to the door. With my freshly bleeding arm, I open it. I can see my mom, very annoyed, waiting outside in the hot , rainy air. It must really be hot out there. And her clothes are stuck to her like glue, and her hair as though she just got out of the shower. She's like my hot, wet blood. She's holding two grocery bags. She must have gone shopping on the way.

She rolls her eyes, and motions for me to unlock the damn door. I open it for her, holding it out in front of her politely. I want to be polite because I'm not a monster. I'm not. A person who isn't a monster is polite. I am a good polite person, not a rude killer.

She drags the bags in slowly, groaning all the way, leaving them on the floor by the refrigerator. She slowly takes out the milk and vegetables and other cold food and puts them in the fridge. She then stands and turns to me, fire in her eyes. She doesn't even notice the food explosion on the counter to her left, thank God. How did it get there?

"What were you waiting for? I was holding three gallons of milk! Were you sleeping, or what? Or were you just being mean again?" She puts her hands on her hips, and I eye her wrists. Her perfect, intact wrists.

Suddenly, something in my body snaps me back into reality. Most moms don't like to see self-inflicted wounds on their child. I gasp, and hide my own behind my back, a little too quickly. I'm even still holding that steak knife in my non-cut hand, to boot! But I'm not a killer! I don't hurt people! Why am I hurting myself? Why, if I'm good, am I hurting myself?

"I asked you a question. Say something." I don't. She gives me a questioning look, and walks over to me, studying my face. "Are—are you crying?"

I breathe in. The breath is shuddery. "No."

"Honey?" She goes over to me and feels my cheek. I resist the urge to slap it away. Then she'd see the blood on my arm. "You ARE! Oh, baby, what happened? What's the matter?"

I shake my head and keenly avoid from her sharp green gaze. She tries to tilt my face up to hers again. I wrench it away. She withdraws her hand. My lips twitch, and I back away from her.

She inches ever closer to me. "Katrina? Please, talk to me! What happened?"

I shake my head, and mutter, "You don't understand. I'm not a killer. I'm a good person. I'm a good polite person."

"What are you talking about? Of course you are!" I've never seen her look this frightened. "Honey, I'm just a little upset that you're being cranky and that my medical school was closed today so I waited outside the campus for one of my professors to get me for nothing! I _love_ you, no matter what. You're not a bad person!"

"I'm not a killer. I'm not. I'm a good person." I stutter out, finally.

"Honey, I know! What happened?"

My back and hands hit the wall that I didn't see behind me. She's been backing me up and I didn't even notice that now she's got me cornered. No. Oh no. I won't go down like this. I can't let her see that I'm not a good person. NO! I AM A GOOD PERSON! Why am I considering that I'm _not?_ I AM!

I need to get away. I'm not a killer. I need to get away. She's trying to make me think that I'm a killer. I'm not. I need to escape so she doesn't make me doubt that I'm a good person.

I shove past her, in a well-planned Tai-Chi shoulder bump. While she tries to keep her balance, I skirt around her, like I did with Sensu, and charge up the stairs back to my room. I get more and more tired as I run. Once up there, I shut and lock the door.

"KATRINA?" She yells from downstairs.

"I'M TAKING A NAP! I'M A GOOD PERSON!" I scream in a panic, and flop back down on my bed, not even bothering with the covers. I look at my wrist. Good, those gashes are already clotted. No more fresh bleeding. She never saw it. I'll never do it again, and that'll be the end of it. I am a good person, so the cuts will heal perfectly. Bad things don't happen to good people.

I just lay there, motionless, in bed.

_Why did I slash myself? If I'm a good person then why did I hurt myself? Oh god. I'm a good person. I really am. I am…it isn't my fault…_

That's the only phrase that runs through my head.

I stare at the knife I still have. It's crusty with my blood. I pant in horror as I stare at it, and a fresh wave of terror envelopes me. "I'M NOT A KILLER! I'M NOT A KILLER! I'M NOT A KILLER!" I scream and throw it across the room. It sticks straight out form the white wall. I can't get away from it. I can't. I killed.

Shaking, eyes wide, and refusing to scream with everything I am, I curl up half-under the covers and start sobbing again. What just happened? _What just happened?_

What's the matter with me?

I just keep watching that evil, evil knife. _Evil._ Just like the knife that Beauty almost killed Mie with. I'M NOT A KILLER! It's everyone else that's evil.

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**Mom's POV:**

I resist the urge to run up after Katrina. Katrina doesn't feel well and she's in a bad mood. I'll just let her cool her jets, and then I'll talk to her and resolve this.

I almost start crying myself. I just hate this. Why is she like this? Before Japan, she was never this depressed. I've noticed the gap between my daughter and this new Katrina. It isn't a good difference at all. She's said such weird things since she got back. Like, 'Are any of your friend's dead?' When I was talking about the old friends I met at medical school. And the way she said it, too…it was very…_unusual_ for her. And just yesterday, she whispered, 'It's all my fault…' when she was in bed and thought I couldn't hear her. I mean, everyone has something they blame themselves for. What worries me is that she refuses to talk about it. What could be that bad? And 'I'm not a killer.' What does she mean? Is she that traumatized? And about what?

In any case, I certainly have to talk to her now. Whatever she thinks is her fault must be eating her up. For now, I have to give her some time to calm down and think to herself.

I sigh. After about 15 minutes wait, I creep upstairs and stand directly outside her room. I just hear very heavy breathing. Good. It's not ragged. She might have calmed down. I can talk to her now. I try to open the door, only to find that it's locked. Strange. Katrina never locks her door from _me_. Everyone else, yes. But never from me.

I sigh. I have a key to open her door downstairs, but I won't invade her privacy like that. I will be a respectful, caring, empathetic mother. When she's ready, I'll come in. Instead of getting the key, I go to the bathroom. I never got the chance to pee while on the road. I walk inside and shut the door behind me.

Then, I see the God of Roadkill itself in the sink. I shriek and jump back from it. I hold my nose and peer back over it. Is that _puke_ I see and smell? I shiver and turn on the sink, flushing the rest of it down. Gross.

Then, it hits me. Katrina must have thrown up. She's ill far beyond a small cold, like that quack doctor said it was. She might be heaving right now. I have to help her out right now.

I do my thing and then get out of the bathroom, going back to her room's door. This time, I rap on it hard. "Katrina! Katrina Lillian Kon, open this door!"

I hear nothing, not even uneven breaths. Humph. If that's the way she wants to play it…

I go back downstairs for that key to her room that she doesn't even know I have. HAHAHA. I'll get that door open one way or another.

I go for the cupboard next to the microwave, which is where I keep it. Before I even have the chance to open the cupboard door, I see on the counter, the _second_ God of Roadkill. It looks like some kind of demented cannibal tried to make a sandwich. And failed. "Good Lord." I whisper. I go over to it. Katrina must have done this too. But WHY? She diced up the pre-sliced bread, got peanut butter in the jelly jar, which is broken and leaking, and one of the chunks of bread is so completely smeared in peanut butter that it could have passed for the Thing That Came From The Sea. What was she _thinking?_

My left eye twitches. This is getting me a little angry now. I realize that Katrina needs time to recuperate and get some leisure time at home, and that she's very sick to top it all off, but what the hell did a _sandwich_ ever do to her? This is unacceptable. I will not stand for such treatment of my kitchen. Katrina has to grow up. I will not take this. I'll get this fixed and we'll have a serious talk when she's better about respect.

I glare at it and wet a paper towel under the sink to clean it up. And then my eyes fall on the spot of wall just to the right of the sink. My hands slacken, and the soggy paper towel runs out of my hands down to clog up the drain.

I gasp. I stare at the long, narrow cross-shaped spot of red, red blood on the wall, permanently staining it. Horror ensnares my heart. She hurt herself when I backed her up into the wall. She's sick, crying, and she's bleeding. Oh god, I need to help her. What if she's bleeding to _death_? As well as barfing up her stomach?

I fight panic and go back to the cabinet, fumbling for the key to her room. I grab it, and then my wet fingers slip and it ends up in a crevice, hidden in the middle of the cabinet. "SHIT!" I scream, trying to dig it out to no avail. I scream in frustration and charge back up the steps. I start hammering on her door.

"KATRINA!" I scream. "OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR NOW!"

Still no response. "ARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!" I scream, and I start to slam my whole body against the door. Again and again and again…there, I can feel a tremble. With one final smash, I prevail. The door slams open, breaking the hinge, hitting and probably marking the wall behind it. I fly into the room, and my eyes rest on Katrina, lying curled up under her bed covers, breathing normally, it seems. I sigh. Maybe she's sleeping. She'll be fine.

"Honey?" Nothing. "Honey, I'm sorry I yelled. I was just worried about you." I sit down on the edge of her bed. "I'm sorry that you're not feeling well…can you at least acknowledge me?"

Still nothing. My internal alarm blares again, but I suppress it. Instead of freaking out, I reach up and pull the covers gently away from her face. "Honey, it's okay, I can forgive you. But if you refuse to talk to me you force me to—AGH!"

I shriek when her face comes into clear view. Her eyes are open and staring, and she's trembling, and in such a tight ball…she's…_watching_ something. I follow her gaze, and see a long thin shadow across the wall.

There's a knife sticking out of the wall.

I almost faint on the spot. The knife has blood on it. Part of it dripped onto the wall.

I violently fight away panic. "Katrina? Katrina, if you can hear me, say something!" I shake her. She does nothing.

I turn her over to look at me, and my eyes catch something on the sheet.

Blood. A lot of red blood. It stands out against the blue sheets.

"Not a killer. Good person. Not a killer." Her voice is barely above a whisper, but she keeps chanting it, over and over. She clasps her right wrist tightly.

Almost not wanting to know, I peel off her clammy fingers. Her body glistens with cold sweat.

I turn over her wrist and see 2 scabbed gashes running along her forearm.

I look from her wrist, to the knife in the wall, back to her wrist.

When I walked in the door, she was hiding her bloody wrist from me. Katrina cut her own wrist. My daughter is a cutter. _Cutter_.

NO. No, this can't be! Not Katrina! She was always my happy little angel, always ready to do something, always ready to play. She isn't allowed to do this! This is what you see in those depressing documentaries about children that turn to drugs or knives or murder to relieve depression. This is not what happens to a happy suburban girl. THIS CAN'T BE! SHE'S NOT DEPRESSED!

Katrina looks at me weakly. "It's not my fault. I don't hurt people. I don't kill people. Mommy, I'm a good person…" She starts crying again. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong…?"

I bite my lip hard. It doesn't help.

My own daughter is suicidal.

'_You don't understand.'_ This was what she meant. I don't understand. What would make her do such a horrible thing?

This is too big for me to handle. I run, faster than I ever have, to the phone.

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**Author's Note: Creepy, huh? Next chapter is the—well, I can't tell you that now, can I? _Review me please!_ Want to hear something funny, though? This chapter was initially scheduled to be chapter 1, and look at all the stuff I needed to add in before it! I'm glad I looked it over first (this would have been a seriously morbid first chapter). I'm sorry to say that the morbid does not end here. In the eighth chapter, well, then we start to see the old Katrina. That's when I finally figured out how to outwit the angst :P Until then, see ya!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Psychiatrist**

**Thursday, June 12th, 2005**

I stare out the window, watching the rain pelting this cramped little Stationwagon. I watch all of the houses going by in silence. All of them have at least one window with a light showing through. One of them has a girl of about 5 dancing in the rain in front of her house while a loving father watches her from the shadows of the front porch.

It all looks so happy. Once, I was that 5 year old, just dancing away, happy just be alive, while my parent advised and protected me.

Now look at me.

My mom speaks for the first time of this whole car ride, which is rare for her. Usually she's just chattering away. "Honey…"

I don't do anything except look away from the window into the rearview mirror at her.

"Katrina, please talk to me. You just won't say why it happened. Honey, why are you sad? Why…?" Her voice wavers on the last word and she almost starts to cry. She takes a deep breath to steady herself. "Why are you unhappy? What happened?"

I just glance down at my wrist, and the scabbed cross on it. I can't tell her why. I don't know the answer myself. "It was a kind of accident." I whisper.

She sighs. "Katrina, no matter how much you fight me, I'm never going to give up on you. I know we can fix this."

We can't. We can't, because it isn't my fault. You can't fix me because it isn't my fault. I'm suffering for no reason.

We drive for a few more miles. I turn back out the window and seeing the children jumping in big puddles, or splashing their friends. Having…_fun._ Fun.

I can't take the…pleasure of it all. I instead stare at my wrist, until I feel my car come to a complete stop. I look up, and I see that we've stopped at a huge brown building with only a few small windows. We're going in through a side door, so I can't see a label of what it is anywhere. And I don't care to ask.

Something strange is going on here. Mom is making absolutely sure that I don't know what this place is. I guess I'll find out. It's probably an insane asylum.

"Are you going to put me in a cage?" I whisper.

My mom just shakes her head and gets out first, and opens a large black umbrella. I get out and when she tries to get me under it as well, I move away from the protection and stand in the rain, staring up at the gray, gray sky. Rain splatters across my cheeks. I close my eyes, and try to become that little girl in the rain I saw through the window. That unattainable little girl.

I can't. I can't become her. The realization almost rips me apart.

I sigh sadly and go back under my mom's umbrella. I used to love the rain. Why not now? Why am I falling apart if it isn't my fault? Why am I being punished like this if it isn't my fault? Why is my mom going to lock me up in this asylum? Why aren't I trying to run?

Matching our steps so we both stay under, we make our way into the big building.

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We walk down several thin white hallways and finally stop in front of a door to a small office. Mom raps on the door and then opens it herself when she receives no response. Keeping my eyes down in case I'm about to be thrown into a straightjacket, I hide behind my mom. What a nice clean white floor they have here. Mom always wanted her floor this clean and it never happened.

"Shiori?" Asks a throaty man's voice from (I'm guessing) about 4 feet in front of me. "Is that you? Back so soon?"

_So soon? What does that mean? She's been here before? _

_Is my mom a crack too? Like mother like daughter?_

"Dr. Toad, I'm so glad I caught you! Last time I came here, the school was closed—"

_Is this…is this really…?_

"Wow, we certainly don't get many graduates dropping by! I'm touched!" He pauses out of happiness, I presume. "Well, so, what the hell did you come for, Bitch?"

It seems to have been a joke, since they both laugh. "Firstly, I wanted to thank you and all the other teachers for helping me achieve my goal."

"Anything for my dear Bitch!" I can just see him pinching her cheeks. If we were in Japan, that would be incredibly rude.

"But secondly…" My mom, as though anticipating me, steps to the side so fast that I have no time to stay hidden behind her. "This is my daughter, Katrina. Katrina, Dr. Theodore Wilkes, or simply Dr. Toad. Katrina, look up."

I grudgingly obey, and glance up to see a large man sitting behind a typical office desk littered sky-high with papers. I look at anything but him. The room is entirely white, and there is a changing table next to the desk. He must be a doctor. He's going to lock me up, but strangely, this thought invokes no emotion in me. Out of the corners of my eyes, I can see that his brown hair is thinning on the top of his head, he has really round brown eyes, and the happy smile of a child.

He positively jumps up and starts shaking my hand vigorously. "Katrina? I have heard so much about you from Bitch! I mean, your mother! Ah ha ha! It's quite an honor. Oh, Shiori, she's such a pretty thing! Your spitting image—OOH! Look at those green eyes! Quite lovely, quite lovely! Such a pale coloring though…" He lets go of my hand which was losing circulation, and turns back to her. "I am touched! You even brought your daughter back to meet me! Is she as good a student as you were?"

So that was this is about. This isn't an asylum at all. Mom just thinks she can cure me by MAKING me meet her old professors.

"She is a bright girl, much brighter than me. But I didn't just bring her here to meet everyone." My mother says. "She's ill."

Dr. Toad moves in a half second, slamming the back of his hand against my forehead. "Oh, goodness! You're right! Quite a high fever! Hm…"

My mom tries to say something, but before she can, he just runs away into a back room. In a second, he's back with a thermometer. He shoves me backward onto a doctor's table. "Lift up your tongue, Bitch Jr.!"

I open my mouth to scream at him at being called that, and he takes advantage of it and jams the stick into my throat. I gag and shut my mouth and he holds the thermometer there. He looks at it, and in three seconds flat he rips it out and goes, "Oh no, 102 degrees! You have a bad cold, Miss Katrina! I can fix that!"

"NO—" He runs back into that room and returns with a huge bottle of cough syrup.

"_But I'm not coughing!"_ I tell him, and he ignores it. "Please don't do this." I say, and he just advances forward, vibrating with all his hyper energy, holding the bottle menacingly. "Don't make me hurt you." He moves towards me. "I'm warning you…" Again, again, again. "OH MY GOD I SWEAR IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER I'LL—"

I can't believe I fell for it again. He pulls off the bottle's cap in two seconds and jams the _bottle_ halfway down my throat and I breathe some in. I immediately choke and die.

…Well, _almost_. In reality, I breathe in about a quarter of the contents and retch violently. He rips it out of my mouth, rattling my head, giving my headache the time it needs to attack violently, and runs around behind me and performs the Heimlich maneuver. I gasp, cough up some of the stuff, and start to hack up my right lung. I fall clear off the table I was sitting on, and start to implode on the floor.

"Now you're coughing up all that bad stuff in your throat." He simply strides towards my mom, who's staring in shock, lost for words. "Toad, what the hell…?"

"By forcing her to swallow the medicine through her windpipe, she is now proceeding to hack up all the phlegm in her throat that was making her cough."

"_BUT I WASN'T _(hack) _COUGHING TO BEGIN WITH!"_ I scream.

"Now you are! It's a perfect remedy!"

"How, Toad?" My mom asks.

"It clears up the throat of a cold-ee!"

I think I'm going to kill him. I wasn't…fucking…coughing…originally…

"So, she'll be fine within the hour! Was there anything else that needed fixing?"

I hiss, in the deadliest, most dignified voice I can muster while dying, "_No._"

"Well, actually…" Says Mom, and then starts to speak in a low voice. I can't hear her above my hacks. Who the hell cares? One more of this crack's 'treatments' and I'll be _dead_ within the hour.

Finally, the hacks stop after about 30 seconds, and I climb back up on the table for a seat and look up at them both. Mom finishes speaking just as I do it. She looks…ashamed.

I look at the doctor's face. He looks very worried all of a sudden, and I see him glance sideways at my…waist? No, something on my waist. I look down, and see that the way I'm holding my right forearm is that the cuts show.

I hastily turn it inside against my t-shirt, but the damage has been done.

All of his energy evaporates. "I see." He says sadly. After a pause, "Well…in that case, I'll be sure to get Dr. Martin immediately."

"What? What are you going to do?" I ask.

Mom says nothing. The doctor walks, not runs, out the door. In about a minute, I hear a banging on a door down the hall, and then, the next minute, I hear his clomping gait and the clatter of high heels on hard floor.

A woman? Why are they bringing a new doctor in?

In a minute, the two people arrive inside the room. It's Dr. Toad and a middle-aged woman who looks like she might have once been very beautiful in her twenties. In any case, she still thinks she is, at 40-something. She's wearing a mini red dress, still has her short black hair shoulder length, and has those glamorous high heels to match her dress. She has on tons of red lipstick, too.

My glare says all I need to say.

She just looks at me. I look back. She finally says, "You. You. Leave at vonce." With a really creepy accent, to my mom and that quack.

My mom waves goodbye, but Toad doesn't acknowledge me on his way out. He seems too sad.

Once out, she sits down on the doctor's chair facing me. "You are Kat-a-rina, correct?"

"And you are Dracula's wife?"

"My real name is ov no eemportance. I am…your psychiatrist."

(_DUHN DUHN DUHN!) _I actually flinch when she says the word. In the voice of Darth Vader to Luke, 'I am your father…' equals, 'I am your psychiatrist.'

"I undairstand zat you cut yourself?" She asks, pulling out a pad of paper.

"It's what I do to pass Saturday nights." I hiss at her. How can my own mother have done this to me? She thinks…she really _does_ think I'm insane! And now she's trying to fix me and she can't!

"Vass zis your first time?"

"_Yez, it vass_." I say, in a pronounced imitation of her Transylvanian accent. "Are you sure you're a psychiatrist?" I can't talk above a whisper because of Dr. Quack, though.

"Yez, very much so. Shall ve continue? Vy did you cut yourself?"

"Have you ever…killed anyone?"

"No. Vy?"

"Because you're looking at me like I'm a roast chicken or something…"

"NO! Vy did you cut your vist?"

"My vist?"

"No, your _vist._"

"My _vist._"

"Yes."

"Hm…I don't feel like telling you that."

Her soulless black eyes pound into me. "Tell me."

"No."

She stands up. "TELL ME!"

"NO!"

In a second, she appears before me, standing over me. She must be like 5'11". I recoil a little. Also, I'm still laying down.

"You don't vant to share vith me? Play it _your_ vay."

"Oh my god you really _are_ going to kill me. SECURITY!"

She bends all the way over and claps a hand over my mouth. "NO! Let me ask you ze question…have _you_ ever killed anyvon?"

I stare into her eyes in shock. "What…what…"

She takes advantage and pulls me up onto the table from the ground, so that she doesn't have to be bent double. "Your mother says that you have fully denied ever killing anyone lately. I want to see if that is true."

I start to pant hard, her face inches from mine. "It wasn't my fault. IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" She looks a little frightened, and that tiny fear is all I need to move on. I shove her away from me, feeling my panther blood bristling. She falls flat on her butt, and I stand over her. "I'M A GOOD PERSON, OKAY? I AM! I KNOW I AM! MIE AND LAHRI WEREN'T MY FAULT! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! I—AM—GOOD!"

I get ready to stomp on her, and she screeches just loud enough for my mom and Toad to come bursting in. They see the scene before them through wide eyes. The vampiress lying on the ground beneath a girl that suddenly looks a lot hairier (and scarier) for some reason.

I regain control of the demon and step off her. I stare at the fear in her eyes, and it all becomes too much, in that single instant, of three fearful eyes on me. I shove past the doctor and my mom and fly out of the whole goddamn school.

I charge straight into the car, somehow not slipping at all, and I shut myself into the back seat, curled up in a ball and—what do you know—crying again. I shiver. What's wrong with me? What's wrong? Why am I acting like this? I have no reason to. I'm a good person. I should act like this because I'm good. I'm good. No one can understand that I'm perfectly fine. I'm just under stress. I'm a good person that's only suffering from a little sadness.

Right?

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**Author's Note: If any of you are annoyed that she keeps repeating herself—'I'm a good person' and 'I'm not a killer' etc., I understand totally. But actually, this is actually a common symptom of depression. Trying to escape yourself by telling yourself that you aren't at fault—every second of the day. And, the angst ends in chapter 8. For those of you who hate angst (glares at Tracey), at least keep reading until then. So, just to clear that up, now I can say, _REVIEW_!**


	7. Chapter 7

This chapter is officially the King of Angst. Don't worry, this is the last truly angsty chapter for at least 40 chapters.

**Chapter 7: 130 Hours**

**Friday, June 13th, 2005**

Mom is really mad at me. _Really_ mad. She's actually scaring me. I don't think I've ever seen her in this much of rage. I've been confined to my room all day, and my laptop has been officially taken out of my room. She's extremely pissed because I hurt her teacher, and also because I won't tell her anything. And on top of all that, it's Friday the 13th. So, bad luck is destined to happen on this day. I shouldn't be surprised. My life has been nothing but bad luck wince I came back.

Shit. She is going to murder me in my sleep. Literally. I think that counts as bad luck. And it's not like I'll be able to fight her off. My sickness has increased tenfold each day, and now, finally, if I get any worse, I'm going to die _peacefully_ in my sleep and save Mom the trouble.

Yes. I'm just lying here in bed. I haven't been able to muster the strength to get up and lock my door, or try to sneak the computer back into my room, or try to scream at my mom to bring me up a glass of water. I have no strength to do anything.

It's not like she'd give me the water anyway. She'd tell me to get my ass up and do it myself. And she wouldn't even apologize for cursing, which means that this, again, is the maddest I've ever seen her.

I put my face in my hands. My head hurts so much. It isn't my fault, but for once, she doesn't believe me. After talking to her psychiatrist friend, she believes that I'm hiding a horrible secret and that to heal me she has to get it out of me.

Her methods are this: every ten minutes, 'Katrina, have you killed anybody?'

Each time I yell at her 'NO!' and she huffs, having failed again, and goes back downstairs.

Because, I seriously haven't killed anybody. I already realized this. It wasn't my fault, right? But her asking me, over and over, is starting to make me doubt that. It's a tiny candle that is teetering on the edge of the table; going to consume me with either truth or lie. All it needs is one more little push, and then, I am burned in this nothingness. Because, I don't know what the truth is anymore. And maybe I never did.

I hear a creak outside my open door and Mom comes in with a tray loaded with a huge bowl of chicken noodle and water in a cup next to it. "Eat." She sits it down on top of me. She still looks incredibly mad with three veins sticking out of her head, but, unlike when she brought me breakfast, she actually just stays and sits on the spindle-legged chair that I usually used to type with. She turns it around from my desk and faces me.

I immediately start scarfing down the soup and guzzling the water so as to have an excuse not to look at her. I can't look at her. It wouldn't be right. It just wouldn't.

But, my plan backfires. I eat it so fast that after I'm done with it all, I now have no excuse to look down. Instead, I relax, and stare _up_ at the ceiling. I won't look at her…

"Katrina." She says in a cold voice. I don't look at her, but I don't dare ignore her.

"Yes?"

"Look at me now. _Now._"

Hating her, I glance up at her and then right back down.

"Keep your eyes on me."

I do it angrily. "What? Now that you have my undivided attention, what?"

"Talk to me, and do it now."

"I like eggplants. And whiskey. I tried some once. Hah."

She barely keeps herself under control. "Talk to me. And if I hear even _one_ sarcastic word out of you—"

"There's nothing to talk _about._"

She sighs, and thankfully looks away. "Why are you so clammed up? Katrina, what happened in Japan?" She swallows, as if the rest is hard to say. "Were…were you raped? Or molested? Or…did you do something that you blame yourself for?"

"If I tried to tell you, you wouldn't understand. You'd tell me I was cracked."

"Katrina, you already are. I need to know so we can heal the damage already done."

"I'm fine."

"Saying that doesn't make it true. You aren't."

"I'M FINE! JEEZ!"

"No you aren't fine. You are in no way fine. Think about it. How long has it been since you've kept such secrets from me? How long has it been since you've been so hostile and mean? How long has it been since you jumped at every noise? A mother notices these things, and I worry about them. Have you been bullied, maybe?"

"I don't need your help."

"Did you hurt someone?"

"Shut up."

"Did you…"

"SHUT UP!" I scream, breaking down. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT, ALL RIGHT? IT'S NOT!" My headache worsens and I lay my head back down on the pillow as I get dizzy.

At that moment, the phone rings. Mom sends me the saddest look I've ever seen in my life, and bows her head as she leaves my room to get the phone.

I hurl myself back down across the covers, fighting back tears. Everyone is out to get me. The doctors, Sensu, even my own mother. Wait, Sensu is dead. Isn't he? Yes, yes, Sensu is dead. My god, why can't I think straight?

I hear the click of a phone being hung up, and Mom sticks her head back in my room. She says in a quiet voice, "I'm going to pick something up. A package just arrived for me."

I say nothing. She leaves. I hear the front door slam, and the car rev up out of the driveway.

I couldn't be happier. If this is what you call happy, anyway.

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I keep staring at my wrist, and back to the clock. Mom's been gone almost 4 hours. I'm getting hungry again. But mom will never let me fix my own lunch again, after the sandwich incident. She's afraid I'll be captivated by the knife and cut myself again. Really, that's not such a bad idea, but again, I can't move. I'm so sore all over. My head is spinning. I feel really cold under 5 thick blankets. I've tried to stand and I just fall back on the bed. Everything is going wrong with my body.

Could I actually be dying?

I feel miserable enough for that to be possible. What is the point of living? I know that sounds very suicidal, but seriously, what is the point? A whole bunch of elements work together to produce an organism that eats and sleeps.

Why should I even go on if it's going to be this way? I'm sure the elements will forgive me. They'll just rot away and a fox with eat me. I can keep the circle of life going. God, what am I saying?

I mean, _could_ I really kill myself? Could I actually take my own life? I'm dying anyway. I can see that. I just keep getting weaker and weaker. Mom keeps blowing it off, but I think she realizes it too. Some corner of her mind knows that I'm not going to get better. Something more than just my body is weak. It's a cancer in my soul, destroying everything inside me. I can't heal if my soul is wounded. A force inside me is slowly growing, a bulb of rage and hate and sadness…

And I'm not going to heal. Mom knows it. We both know it.

I look at my wrist again. The cuts are never going to heal. They are going to scar my wrist forever, my mom said. Just like me. I'm going to scar and they'll never heal. And the scars of my past are going to kill me. I'll never heal. There's no point in living. I'm going to die in a few weeks. I'm not getting better. It doesn't matter that it's not my fault.

The candle will fall and ignite me, and my very soul will go up in scarlet flame.

That's it. Tonight, I'm going to see what I can do to end it all. Something inside me is saying that it's the right thing to do. Everyone will be much better off without me

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Mom eventually comes back, and tells me what was in the package but not why she was gone almost 5 hours. But…she isn't angry anymore. She just comes in and looks at me with such pain…

"It was my new MediFast diet supply. It's time to eat again, lunky." She pulls down the covers and picks me up like a toddler. I don't fight her, (although if I could I would, but I can't). She helps me down the steps, somehow carrying me fine, and into the kitchen. She sits me down at my normal place and bustles around the kitchen making a steak and buttered rice, one of my favorite meals. I watch her carefully. Is she actually trying to…to be nice again?

Why is my mom such a good person? Why can't I be like that? NO! STOP! I AM A GOOD PERSON JUST LIKE HER. I AM. PERIOD.

I see the bloodstain still sitting on the wall across from me. I shut my eyes. What's that? It looks really creepy, though. I look back at my mom to avoid looking at the stain. Mom might have just cut herself…it wouldn't have been me…the wrist cut was an accident…merely an accident…

She sees me watching and smiles, but her eyes still contain that deep, deep sadness. It pierces my heart, and I look away. I can see her watery smile fade out of the corner of my eyes.

Soon, she'll give me a knife. Then, all will be well. I know it will. I will achieve some sort of peace the minute it plunges into my chest.

She finally comes out with my food. I take a deep breath, then give it a good look-over. The steak is done medium-rare, and the rice has a lot of butter. I sigh. This is my last supper.

I look for a knife and my eyes land on a shiny piece of silverware.

She…she only gave me a spoon.

My meat has been pre-cut and she only gave me a spoon.

I stare at it. Mom sits down across from it.

"W-why is it pre-cut?" I ask.

"So you don't have a knife." She said. "Katrina, you've begun talking to yourself. I listened outside your door a little while when I came back."

I gasp. "But Mom…I want…"

"Quiet. No, I am not going to take this." Her eyes grow wet. "What have I done wrong to make you want to kill yourself? First it was the slitting, and now the actual death… Please tell me what I ever did! Please! I want to make it all better, but you won't tell me anything…"

I stare at her as she puts her head in her hands and begins sobbing. This…this is so…horrible. She blames herself. She thinks that she's the one at fault.

But she isn't. She can't be at fault. She's my mother. She didn't do the horrible things.

But…

Does that mean that I'm the one at fault?

"NO!" I scream. "I'M NOT AT FAULT!"

She sits up, staring at me. "I'm not saying you are! I just want to know what's wrong. Katrina, no mother should have to watch their child become suicidal. Please, please, _please_ don't do it to me." Her voice is a plea. "You won't tell me anything." She pauses to get her breath back. "I want you to know that you can tell me anything, even when we're fighting. I will always love you no matter what you did."

"Why do you keep suggesting that I'm a killer? I'm not!"

"I said nothing about a killer, Katrina."

I inhale sharply.

"Who did you kill? And why? Was it an accident? Is that why you keep saying you aren't at fault? Who did you kill, Katrina?" She stops sniffling. "Tell me now."

"NO ONE!" I scream, and clap a hand over my mouth. But it's too late.

Her eyes harden. "I'm sick of this game, Katrina. If you won't tell me, I'll find someone who can make you tell. I swear to god, Katrina, if I have to lock you up in an asylum or even in _prison _to find out why you're so torn up inside, I'll do it."

I stare at her, at this bitch that I once loved so much. She's going to put me in a cage without food or water. And then, she'll make me tell her that I killed Mie and Lahri. And then…I'll watch my life crumble right in front of me.

"No." I whisper. "No!"

The grandfather clock dings. 8:00.

I feel…a change. My rage is all concentrated into a little ball nestled in my heart. My body screams…_130 hours_…

But it's too late. With the final dong, I come to a final, desperate realization. A demonic realization. My human side is out of steam. She's going to get me and lock me up.

It's all too much. Too many horrible memories.

The ball of hatred explodes and the demon takes over, against my will. My human cage on the panther breaks. I transform, loving the fur that now covers me. I can feel my back legs elongate, my nose and mouth shove forward in a massive crocodile jaw, my ears moving to the top of my head. My head doesn't hurt. My eyes sharpen and my head clears. My clothes rip off around me.

I jump out of my chair and inch towards this woman sitting over here.

I have to live.

I won't go down.

Even if it means taking my mom down.

The fury in my eyes is matched only by the terror in hers. "KATRINA?" She screams. "KATRINA?"

I smile at her, a horrible panther grin.

She jumps up from her chair and runs into the living room, screaming bloody murder. I chase her slowly, wanting to drag out the fear in my prey.

She'll be sorry she ever even _thought_ of caging me.

Gaining the lead, she picks up an entire desk, somehow, and uses it to block me from her. The desk is trembling so bad that I wonder how she hasn't dropped it yet.

_Get her. Get her get her…don't be gotten. Get her._

I extend my claws and with two broad slashes the desk crumbles in half. My mom shrieks and charges behind the sofa. I chase her, still not aiming to even touch her.

I want to feel her terror _before_ I catch her.

I curl my paw into a fist and ram it as hard as I can into the sofa. I smirk as the fist goes completely through the back of it. I allow my knuckles to just graze her body on the other side. She yells as soon as I touch her as though it burns. I forgot how good it felt to go demon.

But when I touch her, I sense something inside her. A kind of energy…

Mom careens away and charges up the stairs like an Olympic runner. An unusual amount of energy, in fact. I wonder why. It could just be the fear of the chase.

I smirk and chase after her. She shuts and locks the door to her room. I charge headlong and burst through it with a deadly headbutt. She screams again and throws a lamp at me. It hits my head. It does nothing.

She's got herself into a corner, wedged between the bed and the wall. Hah. I advance towards her slowly. She trembles. "KATRINA! KATRINA, WHAT'S WRONG?"

_You wouldn't understand._

I claw her leg viciously, and she goes down. Her blood starts to stain her jeans and the carpet beneath her.

I get ready for the final strike, but then, something inside me…pops.

I see my mother, staring at me in horror, waiting for the impending death. I can see myself, waiting to send her to hell. I see her blood staining her pants. I see all of the horror. I see my bloody paw-prints behind me. I can see that entire, 1-minute chase…the joy of it…the joy of death…

Something gives me the strength to overcome the demon.

My human side shows through, very slightly, giving me a free human will again.

I stare at her through the hating red eyes. She stares back.

_Terror._ That's what the stare encompasses. I…almost killed her. My own mother. Hers is the same look of fear that the psychiatrist gave me.

They're all the same to me. They all fear me. I'm no longer good. I'm wicked. In the bathwater, I saw myself. A wicked, wicked creature, a deadly panther, a wicked being.

I try to change back…and I can't. Something inside me is breaking. A barrier.

My remaining self-control crumbles, right then and there, letting insanity escape. I turn away from her and run down the stairs, through the destroyed living room, passing the blood on the walls. I run outside and into the rain. The rain is never going to stop. It hasn't this whole goddamn week. I have to get away from her. Before I kill her. The rain will never stop. I hate the rain.

And I hate myself even more. I'm a _monster_.

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**Author's Note: This sequel, as I'm sure you've noticed, isn't _quite_ as humorous as the original. Sorry about that. There's only one more chapter to go before the angst ends, though, so bear with me until then. And it's funny because I'm updating this chapter on a Friday the 13th and this takes place on a Friday the 13th. I didn't plan it like that but it's pretty cool.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Forgotten**

**Friday, June 13th, 2005**

I throw open the door.

I charge outside.

I feel the rain…the goddamn rain…hate it…hate myself…hate the monster…

I scream, a horrible roar, piercing the black air around me, feeling raindrops enter my cavern of a mouth. I hear some birds take off from the perches. I scream again, and again, and again, letting out all of my agony, letting out all the confusion, letting out all the knowledge of my act.

Panther tears mix with the rain falling on my face. My breathing grows heavy and ragged. I turn around towards my house. I can see the living room from the front window half-hidden by that huge pachysandra patch out front.

The couch in that room has a huge hole through the back of it. And the remnant halves of the big desk lay slightly apart inches from it. The gap between them looks like a mouth. A mouth that's laughing at me. It's laughing at my pain.

Did I really do all that?

Did I really…try to kill my mother? Have I really lost control of the demon? But how?

I sob harder, and turn around without a backward glance and just start to run across the lawn, not knowing where I'm going other than away. My mother is still lying bleeding in her room. Who knows if she's dead already?

I can feel my will disappearing. The urge to finish it…

I scream again and become more and more conscious of the bloodthirsty panther, that wicked, wicked being living inside my soul, living within my hatred. When have my demon and human bloods ever been in this much strife between each other? The pain and chaos of my soul is the only thing keeping away the panther from my human side…the panther has never been stronger…it's actually beaten my human side…_gotta get away before I lose the last of my will…_

I just run on foot. I charge out onto Tenth Street, the road in front of my little house and just run.

I have to run away. I am a monster. I'm a monster.

I thought I was a good person. But now, I know the truth.

I'm a monster.

I slip in a puddle and my leg gives out beneath me. I go down and just manage to avoid going headfirst into a puddle of murky water. I scream, out of pain this time, and try to pick myself up, but my twisted ankle doesn't listen to me.

I try to transform back and I can't. I _can't._ I really have lost all control over it. _No…I can't live like this…why did I have to be a half-demon? Why?_

But who cares anymore? I'm a killer. What else matters? I thought I knew who I was. But it was all just a front…a weak vision of who I thought I still was. I'm…evil. I deserve a huge punishment…

I gladly find I can run on three of the most able legs in the animal world, and I just run down the middle of the street, a silent phantom beast streaking the empty rural roads, passing the cramped apartments lining the sidewalks. There are no lights lit in the houses; everyone is on vacation. The vacation like the recent one where I went with Mom to meet Margaret. Is anyone else meeting a deranged chiropractor somewhere? Is anyone going to kill their parent after hearing her curse?

Death…kill the first person you see…your duty…to kill…you're a killer… 

I shake myself mentally and keep running along the road. A right, a left, a right, a left, I need to shake off these thoughts. I need to just leave them behind. I need to know who I am again. I need to know that my purpose is more than just killing. I want that so badly. I hate to wait for the unsolvable answers.

My mother always wanted to know what was wrong. How could I tell her? I don't know what's wrong myself. The unsolvable puzzle is inside, so deep _I_ can't even find it…

After only ten minutes of random zigzagging, I leave Sacramento. I charge out along a fully-fledged highway, along the shoulder, so that none of the few cars can see me. A black beast, I run, and run, and run. I'm not sure why. I've faced so many horrors over my life. Why am I so scared tonight?

Does it really _surprise_ me as to what I've become? Given what I've faced…wasn't I destined to become one of those awful killers? To join them?

I enter into a state of emotional deadness. It all happened. It doesn't matter why or how I felt. It happened. It _happened_…

Finally, I feel a searing pain in my heart after, I don't know, a full hour more of blind running. My front legs are the first to give out, and I crumble down, hitting my chin hard. My back legs drop down behind me. I just lay on my stomach in the rain that never stops, hiding myself in tears that no longer fall, heart pounding in my ears like a drum, beating out the pattern of my life, my worthless life.

I look around me at the passing cars, seeing through blurry night vision their headlights flashing through the night. Their engines roar past me, always missing me. They are the only light that glows. Not even the stars or the moon will shine at me.

I've made a horrible mistake.

I don't know where I am. I don't know _who_ I am.

And something inside me is…dying. The human half of me is simply evaporating. The demon half is…is fine, whispering words to save me. But I can't be saved.

Is this what dying _is_ for a half-demon? Is it that only the human dies, leaving the demon to roam?

I sigh. How I hope it is. I don't want to live anymore. I've just killed the person dearest to me. I'm lost, tired, hungry, sad…and so very alone.

Please die. Please, please, please die. I don't want to suffer any longer.

I lay for an entire hour, just waiting for something to happen to kill me. I'm dying slowly, but I want it to be quick. The demon keeps whispering about death, and pain, and killing…no. I won't kill! I won't kill anymore! I'LL BE KILLED!

I WANT TO DIE. SOMEONE HEAR ME! I WANT TO DIE!

Finally, a little burst of air comes extremely close to me as a car almost runs me over. What is he doing all the way in the right lane? Was he looking at me? Why couldn't it have hit me and ended this? Goddamn driver.

"Kat?" Asks a voice I kind of recognize from in front of me. He definitely wasn't in front of me before. Did he just teleport? Was that was the wind was?

I don't do anything. I'm so weak. I don't care anymore…God, I hope he has a gun. Shoot me…

"Kat?" The voice is closer, as though the person is bending down. "Are you a bear or a Kat?"

I put my massive paw over the top of my head to cover my ears. He's as loud as the cars going by. And he doesn't even have an engine. My ears are still oversensitive.

Then, whoever-he-is touches me. Just on the paw with a finger or two, as if checking my texture. I snarl and draw back my hand to slash at him, when all of a sudden with my paw drawn back, my demon power vanishes. Just like that. I'm…me again.

Kill him…kill him…kill him… 

I feel a blanket being thrown on top of me as soon as that happens. I huddle under it, seeking protection from the rain.

The cloak smells like…spices. They smell good.

Focusing on the aroma, I refuse to look up at the person. I'll have to kill him if I see him.

"Well, at least I know it's you." He says. "What happened? Did you have a fight?"

"…Go…away…" My god, I want to die.

"What?" Hm. He's speaking in Japanese.

I quickly convert my tongue. "Stay away from me. I'm a monster. A MONSTER!"

"We all knew that." Where have I heard that voice before? "Why don't you look at me?"

"Kurama…why are you here…?" _That_ was his name. It just came to me all of a sudden.

"I can tell you later. Did you fight with a demon?"

"I…_am_…the demon…I AM A FUCKING DEMON!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

"What? Speak up." Oh, sarcasm. "I'm not going to take off that cloak myself. It's your only clothing. Look at me instead."

I shake my head, but at the same time, peel away the cloak from my face and look up at him anyway. With the passing headlights, I can see his profile…long mangy hair and long legs as well as tight clothes. It's Kurama, all right.

"Good girl." His shadowed eyes suddenly glow a brilliant green, illuminating his whole face, and I discover that I can't look away. I try with every fiber of my being but in the end I simply have no strength to fight it. "_Enma, I'm calling you._" He whispers, into something he's holding in his hand, and two seconds later, the shadowy highway is no more.

Kill him…KILL HIM! 

In a second, I painfully realize exactly what's happened. We're being transported. We're going through some sort of wormhole, during which my mass gets stretched about twenty different ways all at once. I scream, "AGH!" and the sound is lost down the giant twisting brilliantly green tunnel. My eyes are still locked on Kurama's, unable to look elsewhere. What's happening? What's happened? "AGH!" Still, I can imagine in my mind the scream, but it is swallowed up in time itself.

Finally, almost before I'm ready, we're ejected headfirst onto a cold stone floor. I breathe for a second, and then, I hear the wicked voice in my head louder than ever…

KILL…KILL…KILL…KILL…KILL! 

My human dies, right there. My human gives up. And the demon lives.

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I blink my eyes slowly, but my eyes can't see. I can only feel that I'm laying on a bed. But I was just conscious two minutes ago, right? Right? So, why am I in a strange bed? Surely I would _know_ if I was conscious before, right? So, what's the deal here? I was NOT on a bed before, right? No, I landed on the floor…right? Then why am I here? I mean, I was just awake, right? Right? Why don't I know? Did I black out? Am I okay? Am I _dead?_ Did something happen to make me die? Is that why I'm so confused now? Is that the reason that I'm so offbeat?

SHUT UP. I stop the stream of half-formed ideas. _Focus on opening the eyes._ Now, how do I open my eyes again? How indeed…

I slowly pass my mind to all parts of my body. Hm…okay there…okay there…hey, I feel something on my back. Ten little spots of cold lining my spine…no, they're in a circle…two circles…fingertips, maybe? Hm…this must be investigated further…

"She's okay now, master." Says a small voice. "She should be calm again…"

"So it was a success?" Says a fruity voice. I don't know how else to describe it other than fruity.

The pinpricks of cold point circles leave my back, and I twitch my body a little bit, testing everything out. I can't find any spots of pain…but my head feels very funny. I move my hands around like I'm doing an Egyptian dance, and then I push my eyelids open with my fingers. Wow, my hands are really cold.

"Good to see you, Katrina!" A baby clothed in blue says to me.

I gasp at this horrible freak of nature. A BABY IS TALKING TO ME. HOW VERY ODD. "…AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream, and writhe violently on the bed. "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I can't shut my eyes. Too much is different.

'It' jumps backwards and steps on someone's foot. A very tall someone. He has very long red hair. Interesting. I…think he's a guy. Or is he? I mean, he's wearing a pink suit…who is that? I am having some serious de-ja-vu…

"She _is_ okay!" A hand is extended down to me and I ignore it, pushing myself up on my own into a sitting position on the comfy white bed. Then I find the strength to stand up, just a little wobbly. I almost let go of a black cloak I have tightly pinched around my body.

Oh my god, I have no clothes. Did they _undress_ me?

Was I slipped a designer drug? Have I been raped?

I look around me. In this blue room with pandas adorning the walls and a large roll-top desk (I've been here before, right?), there stand 4 people. I try to avoid their eyes as I study them. One, a pretty girl with dark eyes and aqua hair dressed a purple old-fashioned kimono, flinches when I look at her (she has a pretty big slash on her kimono), while a brown-haired Japanese regards me kindly from the front. She wears an orange and red uniform, kind of like a sailor suit, which seems familiar for some reason. In the back, the red-haired man smiles at me. And…I can't bring myself to even _look_ at the baby. He's just sucking his pacifier, looking perfectly at peace. Does he not realize the aura of scariness that surrounds his infantile form?

Hm…probably not here to rape me. In a room with panda wallpaper, that sort of thing just doesn't fly. I'm almost sure. But who undressed me? No…wait…didn't I have this cloak before? It smells like herbs and foreign spices, like what happens when you walk in a Chinese restaurant. That kind of very good, comforting scent. Yes…yes, I had this before…

I turn my attention back to The People. They seem so familiar…but I can't be sure. I suddenly flip out. I can either cry or flip out, and I think I'll go with the dignified approach. "Get away from me!" I squeak. So much for flipping out. I'm too scared. Too save what's left of my face, I compromise. I start sobbing _while_ screaming. "WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHO ARE YOU?…Let me go…let me go let me go let me go…"

The baby seems unaware of what to say, so…what was that redhead's name? I've seen him before, I just know it! Anyway, what's-his-name picks up the slack. "Don't be afraid. We are not here to harm you. We come in peace, and only want to help you. I am Kurama. The kid in front of you is our leader, Koenma. Yukina is the healer. Keiko is _your best friend._"

I blink. Slowly, information trickles into my head. Yes…I _remember_ these people…no, no I don't. I don't. No…the sakura tree…talking to Keiko…and the baby…giving me an order, feeling sick to my stomach about that order…is this a dream?

"Feeling better?" Kurama asks kindly.

I stare at each of them in turn. "Why…why do I feel so funny?" Why don't I…remember you?

"Oh, well, that's hardly a greeting, is it? I would have thought you'd be happy to see us." Kurama says.

I look at the floor, slightly dizzy. "Why do I feel funny?" I repeat. "Who are you?"

"Let's not jump right into things." 'Koenma' says quickly. Kurama turns me back around. I glare at them all, and I pinch the cloak tighter around my body. "Just…just think about…what you _can_ remember. Because, depending on what you can recall, will change the way we deal with you."

_What?_ Not knowing what they're expecting me to remember, I study the room some more instead. Wait a minute. It was mine for a while, wasn't it? Yes, YES! It still has the three beds in it for this Keiko girl and I. There's also another bed that doesn't ring any bells at all. Unlike the other memories, this one is completely gone. The room has a large roll top desk, and the panda design on the walls. "This was my room!" I say, shocked. "But why am I here again? What happened?"

Koenma suddenly takes my hand and while Kurama pushes, Koenma pulls, and together they heave me back onto the bed. I jump and spring right back up only to get shoved back down again. Still reeling from a mental shock and a feeling that something is missing in my mind, I say, "What happened? Why do I have to stay on the bed? Tell me! I have to know! Why am I here? What's wrong with me? Am I sick? Do I have some horrible disease that's going to make my brain melt and my spleen explode? Am I going to be okay?"

Kurama blinks, looking a bit surprised. "Do you really want to know this so fast? I was thinking that maybe—"

"YES I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT THIS FAST! OH MY GOD, IT'S TRUE! I HAD NO IDEA I WAS GOING TO MELT! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?…THIS IS A HOSPITAL, ISN'T IT? THAT THING ON THE GROUND IS A FETUS YOU BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE AND KURAMA IS A DOCTOR AND YUKINA IS A NURSE!"

Kurama sighs, but Koenma interrupts him before he starts. "Sit down first. Then we'll tell you all about this illness."

Wait, _why_ am I getting so worked up again? What is wrong with my head? My emotions…they're detached…

Keiko, although looking a bit hesitant, sits beside me. I ignore her, and stare down at the thing called Koenma, who withers under my penetrating gaze.

"Why am I here? Why am I having a brain seizure?"

"Well…"

"_Get on with it._" I've never felt so urgent in my life. "I want to live! I don't want to die! I WANT TO LIVE!"

For some reason, Keiko smiles really broadly when I say I want to live. Whatever. Koenma sighs. "Okay. I am God, Yukina heals us, Kurama leads us, and Keiko is your best friend."

"…Huh?"

"You're here because you are officially part of a team. See, you were an orphan and we got you off the streets of Sacramento, California, and we decided that we could really use your help. So, now, you're stuck here with us. We're going to train you to work for us and we'll be the home you never had. Kapeesh?"

"…IT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT KAPEESH! LET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Darling, you're home. You don't have a choice. This is as kapeesh as it's getting."

Random Narrator: And with that, Yukina pulled out a shot and, in a flash, tranquilized the poor girl.

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**Koenma POV:**

"So, it really was successful, Yukina?" Keiko asks worriedly.

"When we get further down the hall." I warn her. "We don't want her to overhear. Anyway, I want you to stay with her. Make sure she stays sleeping."

Keiko sighs and turns around. "This is not going to be fun."

I ignore her as she leaves and I float down the hall next to Yukina and Kurama. After about 5 minutes of hallways and staircases, we turn into an empty room and just stand in the center of it. I shut the door behind us and then ask, "Well? Everything okay with Kat now?"

Yukina nods. "I think I overdid it a little, though."

"I could see that." Kurama states flatly. "She doesn't remember _anything._ Nothing about us at all."

"Well, I prefer the Kat we have right now to the one of two minutes ago. She was screaming so loudly I couldn't figure out what she was trying to say, could you? Something about her dying, or someone dying, or—"

"I'm sure it's nothing big." Kurama says. "I mean, she's freaked out before when she was under a lot of stress. She's spastic by nature."

"Never…never like that though. I've never in my life seen anyone that mad, other than Yusuke, maybe, on his bad days. It was…" Yukina rubs her arm where Katrina slashed her. I sigh, and put my hand to the cut. I let out my power, healing the small scrape in seconds. She nods at me in thanks. "…Horrifying…"

"When are we going to tell Hiei and Yusuke and Kuwabara and even Katrina?" Kurama asks. "In all honesty, I think they ought to know."

"Katrina, if she ever warms up to us, we'll let her know why she can't remember anything about her past, although Botan will probably tell her all about it anyway and kill her with the shock. Hiei, definitely not. That's an order. None of you tell him. Kuwabara and Yusuke don't have very much direct involvement in this case. Besides, Kuwabara's such a bonehead he'd probably remind her of all the things we just erased _because_ he's a bonehead. Yusuke will probably have the same issue. I don't think there's any point in telling them. They're going to be in the human world awhile anyway."

"So, no one? Other than Botan?"

"_Definitely_ Botan. The greatest expert on memory suppression we know."

"Let's find her now, then. I can see we're going to have just as many problems with Katrina, if not more, than when we first met her."

"Why's that? If anything, she'll be easier—"

"Kurama, how would _you_ like it if some random people stuck a needle into _your_ left buttock?"

"Ah…"

"New rule. Anyone that lets her know we stuck her with a shot _dies._"

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**Author's Note: All right, well, this is officially the end of angst. Next chap will be better.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Botan**

**Saturday, June 14th, 2005**

I don't know when I fell asleep. But…this isn't my bed. This isn't my bed at all. It's softer and fluffier than mine. This is a different bed. I know it's a different bed. I remember sleeping in a different bed. And there is only one explanation.

_Someone stole the real mattress. Why take something so innocent?_

I open my eyes, only to get a sharp pain in my left buttock, for some reason, like it was stabbed or something. "Argh…" I push myself up with my arms. I need to find out who stole my mattress _now_.

I sit up, and again, my buttock reminds me of its presence and I shift my weight to the _right_ buttock. I rub my temples and swing my legs around. I need to find the culprit.

I open my eyes, and they are filled with bright blue panda-ness. Wow. That is some wallpaper.

Gasp! My old room didn't even have wallpaper. Wait…did I even have a room? What was my past like? Did I have a room?

I instantly stand up, senses alert for any passing sign of danger. I glare at one such deadly panda smiling at me. How dare it look so _happy_. I am suffering here!

"Would you like some breakfast?" A small voice asks from behind me. I freeze and reflexively swing around and violently chop whoever-it-is hard in the neck area. I hear a grunt of surprise and then a –whump- as the person falls.

How'd I _do_ that?

I turn around to see a poor fallen girl behind me. Short brown hair fans out around her head. She's sort of pretty, with a short red skirt and bright orange sailor shirt and ordinary brown shoes. The breast pocket on the shirt reads Jun Boarding School.

I gasp, not sure why that sounds familiar. It's as familiar as this girl. Wait…wait, I saw her yesterday, didn't I? I can't remember any other time in my life that I've seen her…well, I can't remember the time in my life before now, _period._ But still, something about her is just soothing and I remember it so well.

And I think I just killed her.

I cringe and drop down to my knees, leaning over her. "Uh…are you okay?" I shake her a little bit. She doesn't move. I sigh. Poor thing. This is how I repay people that want to know if I'm hungry, eh? I check her pulse. Oh, yay, she's alive.

Now what? Won't any of her cronies come around to check on her? And then won't _they_ ask if I want breakfast? I'd better warn them it might be the last thing they ever do. Where did I learn that move?

But you know, a move like that might actually come in handy. I need to escape from here, that much is certain. These people can't be friendly. They say they got me from the streets…I think. Well, wouldn't I remember that if it were true? I mean, I admit, I can't find anything contradicting it, but still, something in my mind is saying no, no, no.

I don't care if they offer me breakfast. It's all a scam. You do not _kidnap_ someone off the streets and then offer them breakfast. It just doesn't happen. They are planning to kill me. They plan to make me trust them and then they'll just slice off my head. Or boil me alive. Or…steal my mattress? I still don't understand what that accomplished.

The girl stirs, and I jump and back away from her. She may be armed and dangerous or at least very unpleasant. She's just using the old breakfast trick, I can see it now.

She opens her eyes and blinks at me. I can see that hidden under those innocent brown eyes is hatred, evil, and meanness. She's planning to draw me in. Her eyes seem to register on me, and her mouth opens in shock. Then, she picks herself up (with a little difficulty) and put her hand on her neck and immediately draws it away as though it stings.

Nevertheless, she folds her hand in front of her and bows deeply. "It's an…honor to meet you."

She speaks in Japanese too. Is English too good for these people? "…What are you, my maid? Why do you bow so low?"

She looks sad for a moment. "Do you really not remember me?"

"No, I really don't."

She sighs. "Well, in any case, we can start fresh today. I am Yukimura Keiko." I blink, recognizing it very slightly, and she gets a sudden look of hope. "Ring any bells?"

I shake my head angrily, and lie, pretty well I think, "No. What is your purpose here already?"

"I was going to offer you breakfast, and then you…kinda…"

My eye twitches. I can't let this girl think she actually scared me by sneaking up like she did. She might get ideas about overpowering me and such. "I simply saw right through your evil plot. Disguised in a simple, kind query as offering me breakfast, your real purpose was to win my trust. When you had me wrapped around your finger, you planned to take my by surprise and without a fight." I smile at her look of shock, certain that I've got her. "I know that you are carrying weapons of all sorts. You're type are all the same."

Keiko looks at me for a long moment. And then—she bursts out laughing. She simply doubles over and cracks up so much that she has to grab onto the end of the bed with the switched mattress to prevent from falling on the floor. The sort of belly laugh that an infant makes if you make a face. The sort of laugh when you really think someone is being stupid.

I stare at her, on and on, and every time she tries to regain herself, she is overcome by another fit of laughter over something that is funny only to her. Finally, my cold stare withers away the laughter. She stands up straight again and wipes her eyes.

"Are you finished?" I hiss.

"Y-yes. I'm sorry. But…but Kat…"

"How do you know my name?"

"Because…never mind. _You, _seriously, we don't want you dead. You're too important to us."

"I'll never go along with your plan."

"It's not a plan! Honestly, You, we just want you to adjust."

"I can't adjust. You stole my mattress. That's low."

She blinks. "Beg pardon?"

"Don't you 'beg pardon' me, you—"

"_What on earth is taking you so long?_" A man voice sounds. The door opens and I whirl around. In walks that guy with scraggly red hair and bright green eyes in the pink suit. The feminine one. I feel my body take the form of a strange pose that my body has seemed to memorize. Hm…this is what they call a fighting stance, right? It appears that I've been working out.

"Well? What's wrong? Kat, are you putting up a fight? Keiko is _harmless!_"

"I'll never fall for it!" This man's name is Kurama. It just came to me. "She may look cute, but I can tell that she is a vicious mattress-stealing beast within—"

"Do—you—want—to—eat—or—not?" He asks slowly.

"Of course not! It's probably poisoned—THAT'S IT! That's your real plot! You'll lure me down to breakfast and poison me there!"

Kurama sighs. "Keiko…come on down. Apparently she's not hungry for eggs and bacon and ham and oatmeal and waffles and pancakes and syrup…"

Wouldn't you know it? I never realized just till now that I'm really hungry. When was the last time I ate (I can't remember)? The talk of food simply withers away my willpower. My damn stomach gives in before I can stop it. "ALL RIGHT! I'll go, I'll go…"

Kurama smirks while I try to swallow my tongue. "Please follow us."

Keiko smiles at me, and bows again. I simply stare at her, not in a mean way or anything, just in a blah way. She immediately avoids my eyes and turns around to follow Kurama out the door.

I sigh, and drag my feet out the door behind them. Then, I smirk. What a bunch of dimwits. I can run away right now. Hahahahaha. As they make a right turn, I creep out behind them. Breakfast can wait, suckers. I make a left turn and stay very silent, careful to blend in with the sounds. On second thought, I just mash myself up against the wall and pretend I'm invisible. I inch along like a mouse.

I smirk at their retreating backs. They have no idea I'm getting away right under their noses. What a bunch of morons. MWAHAHA! Stupid clams. Whoa…what? _Clams_? Could that be a remnant of my past? It just came to me, like Kurama's name…could I have lived at a beach? Yes…yes…clams…a clam bit my ear and when it died it swore its revenge…what am I _saying_?

Seeing no one, I abandon my wall-slinking charge down a skinny, rickety black staircase, and for some reason, I stop when I get to the middle. I can see a trash can down at the bottom. I know that trash can…I definitely remember it. And this middle step…a blush rises along my neck and I have no idea why. This is an…important spot. I was here before. I touch my lips with my finger.

But I can't remember anything. Why am I having these flashes? I shiver and continue on my way. This must be a dream. I've probably had this dream before. That's why it's familiar. Great. I'd better just take everything in stride from now on. The memory-loss, the random people, being offered breakfast by people I hate…it was all meant to happen, right? But gosh, that's two memories now. I'm on a roll.

I continue on my way, down the stairs, and across a whole another hallway. Wow, this is a really big place. Who the hell _needs_ all these rooms? Whose castle is this? I mean, obviously these people brought me to Europe, home of all the old-fashioned castles. Could I be in England, maybe? The home of Elizabeth I? France- Napoleon XIV? Spain- Ferdinand and Isabella?

See, why the hell am I remembering pointless history about country leaders when I can't even remember my _own_ history? Nothing surfaces at all. Did the people here erase my memories? I wonder…am I really an orphan? Am I really missing a mom and dad? God, that sucks for me. Maybe they really did nab me off the streets where I was begging for money and they hit me hard over the head to make me comply with them and accidentally gave me partial amnesia. It would certainly explain a lot.

You know what, the more I think about it, the more I think I really must be an orphan. My parents wouldn't have let me get kidnapped. No parent would actually allow that. "I have no parents?" I mutter aloud to myself, wanting someone to talk to other than my own crazy head.

"If you have no parents, then who are you running away to?"

I jump a foot in the air and spin around to the speaker. I feel quite a shock when I see her. She looks like Yukina's older sister, with a pink kimono and blue hair—well, I guess the major difference is that she's riding a stick sidesaddle, the same way an old-fashioned women would ride a horse. And quite possibly, even more shocking than her hair is that she's levitating.

The cloak I was holding almost falls, and she giggles when I squeal just slightly. I furiously tie it into a knot over my body. "I'm Botan, guide to the underworld, nice t'meetcha." She says it so cheerfully I want to slap her. Oh God. Not a perky person. I _hate_ perky people…

"Leave me alone."

"Aww, don't be like that! Don't you remember me, Kat?"

"Is my name stamped on my forehead or something? How does every weird person in this entire castle know who I am?"

"Aww, you really _are_ cute when you're bewildered. Kurama just told me the whole thing. By the way, he knows you ran away. Have you really forgotten everything about us?" She grins happily.

"Forgotten what? Everyone seems to know something I don't!"

She actually steps off her paddle, which glows golden and melts away into thin air , and she hugs me. I'm too stunned to do anything. "We all missed you a lot. I'm sure you'll like us exactly the same way when you find out who we are again."

I finally push her off. "I don't even know you and you're touching me."

"But _I _know _you._" She giggles again and pokes me hard in the stomach. I shriek and she does it again.

"STOP!" I scream in her face, making her hair flutter.

"Someone's cranky." She practically sings, completely unperturbed. "You're exactly the same, only as a complete stranger! This will be very interesting, particularly when you meet Hiei. I wonder…"

"I'm exactly the same as _what_?"

"When we last met! Wow, Yukina must have done some real work on you to get rid of everything you knew about us. I wonder why she did. Do you know why? Huh?"

"No. Go away."

She grins even wider. Her face is going to split. I wouldn't be too against that at this point. "You're so much like Hiei. Well, you don't kill people quite as often. But your attitudes are so similar."

_Who the hell is Hiei?_ I turn around and walk away from her. She follows me. "Talk to me. Come on, I won't hurt you. I'm just the Grim Reaper."

I turn around and raise my eyebrows. "You seem to have forgotten your scythe and your long black cloak. Not to mention that you're not scary, you're just _really_ pissing me off with your lies. _Go away_."

"What, so you can run?" I stare at her in shock. "Come on, it was easy. The way you're sneaking along the walls like in some cheap movie. And you can't get out anyway."

I try to act disinterested. "Of course I can. Don't try to deter me."

"You know the only transportation out of this castle is the River Styx, and if you swim in it, it carries you right down to hell. Now, if you want that, I'll transport you there myself."

I swallow. "I'll take my chances. You have no idea what you're talking about."

She blinks. "I'm the _guide_ to the River Styx. And I was bluffing."

"I knew _that._ And seriously, there is no way you're a real Grim Reaper. You're just a blue-haired lunatic riding an oar. No offense. Why should I be so surprised? This is all just a dream."

She blinks and then laughs like a bell. "Ah hahahahaha! Of course you're not dreaming! If only life were just that easy to discount every strange thing as a dream. See?" She takes my arm and gives me a huge pinch near the crook of my elbow. I yelp and wrench my hand out of her grasp.

"You would have woken up if this were a dream! No, Katrina, this is much more than a dream. Shall I tell you what this really is?" Her paddle rematerializes in her hand with that dazzling golden light show. She mounts it and turns the broad end towards me, still levitating 3 inches or so above the ground. "Just grab on tight."

I weigh my options in my mind. She's annoying all right, but she doesn't seem dangerous. She's the kind that would nurse an insect back to health. And, I do want to know what the hell is happening. I want to know why my memory is as clean as a slate. And what I lost.

I think I just might have to trust this Botan girl.

I reach out my hand, flinch it backwards, and then, tentatively, very slowly, I touch the paddle. It's actually soft and warm with the light.

"And off we go!" She says cheerfully, and the paddle rises into the air really quickly. "I think you're going to have some fun. Yusuke sure did."

She grins and this time the smile fills me with dread. What the hell have I gotten myself into? She said nothing about a ride! She said she'd give me information! I wrap both hands around it in a panic and try to make myself heavier to no avail.

A girl that thinks she's the Grim Reaper is making me _fly._ Somehow, I don't feel as happy as Wendy. Why not?

Peter Pan was not delusional!

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**Author's Note: Gosh, this Botan x Kat conversation is annoying me. For some reason I couldn't get it to my satisfaction. What do you guys think of it?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Tour Guide**

**Saturday, June 14th, 2005**

"I'm—not—having—fun!"

"Seriously? Well, you will be later. I'll show you the river myself, and it's really quite lovely. I'll even help you out with your memory loss. For now, though, stay quiet. Technically, I'm not even supposed to take you out of the castle."

"Then why are you?"

"Because it's FUN!"

"I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT—"

Botan rises, in two seconds, to the maximum altitude in this building with the top of her head grazing the ceiling, causing the rest of the words to get caught in my throat from the shock of acceleration. She smiles down at me. "You look so scared."

"I—I'M ABOUT TO FALL!" I screech. I swing my legs back and forth hopelessly and grab even harder with my sweating hands. "HELP!"

"SHHH! You won't fall, don't worry. Yusuke didn't and you're much stronger than he is. I believe in you."

"_Don't believe in me_. I'm begging you. Can't I just ride up there with you?"

She grins and sticks out her tongue. "Nope."

Before I can answer, the paddle shoots forward at Mach2 and I scream so hard as the propulsion actually lifts me so that the entire front half of my body is facing the ground. I can feel air rushing at me from all sides, simply trying to take my body off this horrible contraption of hell.

And, just as quickly as it came, it stops. I pant hard and my body returns to vertical level. I refasten my grip to the oar and stare all around me. I…I think we just went out a window, no? Now, I'm in a kind of sparkly clear mist that, well, it isn't really _mist_ because it isn't wet. It's more like evaporated cotton, soft and cuddly. I wave my head around and inhale the mist and it smells just like cotton. Hm…

Swiveling my head as far back as it can go, I see a huge red/white thing—oh, it's just the castle. It has three towers each connected by a gate. Squinting, I can see a small open window. Man, we fit through that? The castle…the castle is surrounded by ground, it seems, but it's very vague under the cotton mist. I look at the castle itself. It's built in…in an Oriental style! Yes, it almost looks Chinese or something. It has the typical white, narrow towers combined with the bright red tiers surrounding each level, the kind that curve upwards at the edges. I'm not in Kansas anymore. I'm just surrounded by…cotton candy clouds.

"This is the spirit world." The girl called Botan tells me evenly, after I've gotten used to the shock of it all. "I guess Koenma told you that?"

"But I didn't really understand what he meant." I say, completely awestruck. "What is this place?"

"I just told you. The spirit world. Think of it as the human soul exchange. When something dies in the human world, they are sent here to be cleared for either heaven or hell. It means a fair bit of paperwork for Koenma, let me tell you."

"Koenma is God? But he's a shrimp baby!"

"No, he's the son of God. Enma is God in Japanese mythology, and—"

"I'm in Japan?"

"No."

"The castle is Japanese architecture, though."

"You're in the spirit world. Stop questioning it. The Spirit World is seen as you think it should be seen."

"But I've never even _been_ to Japan."

"You're speaking its language, aren't you?"

"What? Uh, I guess I am…was I ever to Japan?"

Sigh. "Back to the subject. Think of it as that Enma decides formally whether mortals go to heaven or hell, and Koenma gets all the grunt work. See, over there is the Gate of Judgment." She points to a huge cube in the distance, almost entirely hidden in the mist. A small square opening in front reveals from inside a light green light, or gas, or something. I swallow hard, and then, the truth of it all hits me. I know why I'm here now.

"I'm…dead, aren't I?"

She gives me a sideways look, although with a big grin. "What makes you think that?"

"W-well…" I swallow. "I can't remember anything about my past. _Nothing. Zilch._ It's really freaking me out. I can speak Japanese, which implies that I was once in Japan, yet I can't remember it. If I'm dead, it makes sense. You, the river guide, took me to the River Styx to break it to me that I'm going down it. To hell. What did I do in my life? What happened? Why am I going to hell? Is it going to hurt, going down the river? Are you going to drop me in or swim me down it since you're the guide to it?"

She sighs. "For one thing, I don't have the authority to send you down the river. I'd have had to take you to Enma and then to the gate of judgment to find out. Of course you aren't dead. That's the most boneheaded thing I've ever heard from such a bright girl." She chortles.

"I'm not bright! If I were bright I wouldn't be losing my mind! If I were bright, I wouldn't be dead right now! If I were bright, a talking baby wouldn't have tried to explain to me my past life! IF I WERE BRIGHT I WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS! I WOULD AT LEAST REMEMBER WHAT I EVEN DID TO DESERVE THIS!"

She huffs, and angles herself downward, and begins to dive at a sharp angle, although very slowly. I'm forced to look down as well, and a see two thick curving lines, parallel to each other, extending for miles each way. The space between them is a sparkling blue.

"Yup. The River Styx." We go closer, and I grip ever tighter, feeling the cottony air swoosh past my face. "Don't worry, I won't let you fall. If you would, I'd get in big trouble at work." We finally hover just above it, and she rights herself in the air. "_Now_ you can sit up here, just because I like you. I didn't like Yusuke. Fantasized too much about kicking Sir Enma in the balls."

I blink, not sure if she's kidding. Kicking _God?_ This Yusuke must be really dim. She grabs my wrist with both of her hands, still balancing perfectly on the oar, and hoists me up next to her. I wobble a little and somehow keep my balance next to her. I just gaze down at the endless river and hold on tighter. A slight gurgling becomes apparent. The river is inviting me. It's not just sparkling, it's glowing. A very attractive glow indeed.

"Well, I'll get right to it, because we don't have much time out here before they realize you're gone. You wonder why you can't remember anything useful? Well, truth of the matter is, your memories have been forcibly suppressed by our team."

"What?"

"It's okay, it's nothing to worry about. I'm actually an expert in memory suppression. Ever wonder how I stay so cheerful?"

"Yes. You're really quite sickening."

"…Thanks. Well, all my bad memories have been put at the back of my brain where they can't hurt me. Same with you. I was once a very bitter person, just like you. I had a lot of bad memories, but once I imprisoned them, I felt fine."

"But why would they do that? I want my memories! How am I going to remember how to eat? How do I even remember how to speak Japanese? What is up here?"

"We only erased your memories of us, Katrina. You see, when we got you, and please don't ask me how we got you, you were in an incredible depression. You nearly killed Yuk—well, no, no, no. But it was clear that you were…very distraught, so we thought it best to erase all the memories that were causing you pain." She suddenly grabs my left wrist. I try to wrench it away but she pulls it against my will. "See?" She holds it out in front of me and I can see two scabbed gashes running along the inside of my forearm.

I think I saw scars like these in a Cold Case File once. They found the cuts on a girl lying in her boyfriend's bathtub, dead. They said it was suicide. Oh no. "I cut myself? I CUT MYSELF? What the hell was I thinking? Suicidal people are cowards! It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem! If they thought they couldn't handle it, well—"

"Apparently, you couldn't handle it_ either_, so don't be condescending. Most of the memories that were hurting you so deeply happened here, in this world alternate to the human world. So, we simply took away all of your adventures here and your past as well, so you wouldn't confuse anything. And, just for the record, you can still speak because speaking isn't a memory, it's an instinct. Anything else you can remember, such as martial arts, or eating, or even putting on makeup, those are not memories. We took away the things that happened here, basically."

"I was here before? But I have absolutely no memory of this place!"

She sighs. "Gracious, I need to alert Koenma. Apparently, erasing memories erases IQ points as well. I keep telling you, again and again, THE MEMORY IS HIDDEN FROM YOU! There is nothing you yourself can do to bring it back, so of course you don't remember this place. Understand now?"

"It's just that…" She glares at me in warning. "WELL THEN, you tell me what happened that I can't remember." I hiss at her. "Since you're being a pig and all…at least help me out."

"Well, that would defeat the purpose, now, wouldn't it?" She gives a little laugh. "If I told you all the stuff you forgot, you might chop off your own head rather than your wrist. And your head is too pretty." She ruffles my hair.

"…YOU AREN'T HELPING AT ALL! YOU TAKE AWAY ALL MY MEMORIES AND THEN WHAT? AM I JUST SUPPOSED TO LIVE HERE NOW? WITH A BLUE HAIRED LUNATIC AND A MATTRESS THIEF? HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHY BRING ME HERE?"

She puts her finger over my lips. "We're protecting you, believe it or not. So, yes, you get to live with us. Be excited. It's going to be so much fun. You don't need to know anything."

"Protecting me? From what? Tell me, damn it!"

"If I told you that, I think you'd probably remember the worst memory of your existence. Katrina, know this if nothing else: even though you can't remember us, you're among friends."

"How do I _know_, though?" I cry out. "It's not that I don't want to trust you, okay? You seem dotty borderline stupid but nice. Not evil."

"Thanks?"

"It's not that I don't want to trust you. It's that I don't think I _can._ I don't know you. I don't know for sure that you were ever in my lost memories. Maybe I never will. I can't just trust you like that."

She smiles happily, ironic to the situation. "Well then, how about you make that decision on your own about whether we're good? Just give it a little time, and I think you'll remember even a little bit about us. AH!" She yelps, and pats her right hip. Her eyes widen. "Oh no. Hold on. I think they know we're out here…hold on _tight._"

"Why?" Completely bewildered, I stare at her hip, and I see a little round bulge there. A communication?

Then, I see why I need to hold on. She whirls around and shoots so fast towards the castle that my eyes almost completely dry up with the wind before, _yay for brains_, I shut them. The ride is over in the blink of an eye. Not kidding. My fingers loosen and oddly feel a falling sensation, and then I crash hard on the castle floor beneath me. Botan lands softly beside me, and the paddle makes that funny tinkling noise and yellow flash that it does when it appears or disappears.

I push my aching body up to look at her long mane of blue hair. She's suddenly standing very regally, staring straight ahead, hands folded in front of her. And I suddenly see why.

"Lord Kurama-sama!" She does this funky little curtsy/bow. "Why are you here?" She says it with cheer that's huge even for her.

"I told you, stop it with the –sama." Kurama mutters, looking away from Botan. "It makes me feel like a duck." He looks down with that creepy gaze and seems to register me on the ground. "I thought I told you not to beat up the prisoner, Botan."

Apparently it was a joke because she laughs pronouncedly. Do I smell a girlish crush? "Oh, no, not at all! I just caught her! She was trying to run away. God, this girl is not a morning person, is she?"

"She thinks that we're going to poison her food." Kurama sighs, looking back up at Botan. "Good job finding her. But I have some news. You never answered your Commir so I'm here right now." He pulls her away from me and begins whispering into her ear. She actually blushes with their faces so close. Grr, why do I feel this over protectiveness of this man Kurama? I don't like him that way, it's more of a relative thing…was this what Botan meant by some memories resurfacing? Hm…so Kurama is a relative…

I slowly crawl over to hear what they're saying, but it's impossible—Botan's hair coupled with his completely muffles his voice.

Finally, they back away, and I sigh in relief. Botan says, very quietly, "Near here?"

"It was a much weaker signal, but it was there nonetheless. Be honest. Did you take Katrina outside at all?"

I blink at my name. Botan says seriously, "No, only I went out."

He sighs. " Don't lie to me. You _know_ you're not supposed to take Katrina outdoors. Somehow the evil being can detect her wherever she is."

"What? What?" I ask. "What evil being?"

He groans and looks at me. "Stop eavesdropping. It's nothing. It's just a faulty system—"

Botan almost says something, but Kurama clamps a hand over her mouth. Kurama rubs his forehead and gives her the funniest exasperated face I've ever seen on a human. Botan covers her own mouth when he stops holding it, and Kurama continues.

"Let us handle it. We didn't say evil being, for the record, we said weevil wing."

"I'm being detected by a _weevil wing_?"

"A _possessed _weevil wing…" He says forlornly.

Botan mutters to him, "For you, that wasn't very good."

Kurama huffs at her. "I'm just saying, if you take Katrina out again, it will be very dangerous for her and for you. Leave her alone. She doesn't need to be outside, don't you see? She's only protected when she's inside."

He sighs and turns back to me. He blushes a little. "Keiko will give you some real clothes and then…then, you can keep the cloak, okay? I don't want it. You can even burn it."

I look down, and I find I can really understand his feelings. If he was wearing _my_ cloak over his naked body, I don't think I'd want it back either.

This time, he really leaves, walking evenly down the hall.

I look up at Botan. She's touching the ear he whispered in. Then, she remembers my presence, and turns back to me, full of cheer as usual. "Okay, I know you have a question or two. So, let me explain." She pauses.

"Uh…go on…"

"Great! Keep this a secret, but you can't go outside because you'll be stolen away. You're only protected from the…uh, weevil thing…when you're inside."

"Um…"

"You don't get it? GREAT! I can't get in trouble for making you remember anything you shouldn't. Just remember to never go outside!"

I just stare at her.

"Hey, I have an idea! Let me be your travel guide, okay?"

I somehow overcome my confusion. "You're _already_ my river guide. You know, on the day I go to hell?"

"No, no, I'll introduce you to everyone! I'll give you their stats and their relation to you!"

"But I don't know if you're lying or not, remember?"

"You are too suspicious. First off, Kurama. He's a—ooh! Wait! Do you remember about spirits and demons?"

"…Should I?"

"Well then! A spirit is one of me and generally good. A demon is Kurama and generally bad. Think of it as a Yin-Yang relationship."

"Kurama is a demon? Should this worry me?"

"No, silly! He's one of the few good kinds. The spot of white in the Yin. The other good demons you'll meet are Yukina, an ice demon, and Hiei, a fire demon. Okay then, Kurama stats! He's a fox demon trapped in a human's body. He's very serious and smart and so h—yeah. Hahahahaha. He's also single."

"Oh, you noticed?" I say to her with meaning in my eyes and a slight smirk.

She goes red. "WELL! HAHAHAHAHA! That's all for that, then! Wait…wait…I shouldn't have told you all that yet…crap…" She goes pretty pale. "Uh-oh…"

"You really suck at secrets." I mutter.

"I see that now. Don't ask me anything else. I've already told you way too much."

"What, is there a laundry list on what I should be told?"

"Yes. Otherwise, the shock would probably kill you. I'm surprised you're still alive." She feels my forehead. I push her hand away disgustedly.

"I'm fine."

"Oh, right. But ANYWAY! I'll be your guide. I'll tell you about everyone except yourself. I'm so glad we're friends!" She actually hugs me again.

"Don't push it, freak."

"This will be so much fun! I haven't had much time to talk to Keiko, so now I can be with you instead while you get adjusted!"

"You have got to be kidding me. Go away."

"How cold! I only want to help!"

"DON'T HELP ME."

"But you need help! You really, really do. Whether you see it yourself or not, you don't even know where the bathroom is."

"…" She fights really dirty. How can she use _that_ to her advantage? And why NOW? Oh, why now?

She just smirks at my discomfort, and leads the way to the bathroom.

She's won. And the stupid bitch knows it, too.

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**Author's Note: So, yes, now Mie is comatose and Botan took her place, following Katrina wherever she went and (gasp) IRRITATING her! NOOOOOOOO! (In a random mood). So, what do you think of the change of pace? R and R! Update: Characters that are pretty much gone: all of Katrina's Jun School friends besides Keiko (Kanerusa, Akane, Nabiki, Flomiki) and her father too, he's not going to come in until much later. Well, Mie is another story…(big plans forming in crazy head)…**


	11. Chapter 11

This entire chapter is about her debating about breakfast. Don't ask.

**Chapter 11: Breakfast or Escape: The Decision**

**Saturday, June 14th, 2005**

I know. I have the perfect plan. I'll do exactly to her as what I did to Kurama. I'll run away and she'll never find me. Unless I run into another sugar loaded spirit whose dearest wish is to become the hooded messenger of death, and I doubt that. Botan is really one of a kind. Tell me how many people have a captive and they just walk ahead, humming so loudly I can hardly hear myself think? I don't even have to be sneaky. She'll never hear me above all that racket. I'm not bashing the song…it's actually kind of pretty. But it's one that should be sung quiet and beautiful, not with someone's voice that resembles a musical saw. She cracks on almost every note, high and low. _Shudder_.

But, all to the common cause, right? I smirk and stop dead in my tracks. She continues along the hallway, right on her way, with not a care in the world. Must be nice. I watch her disappear all the way down the hallway and into a left fork where she vanishes out of sight. I instantly turn around and run like a fairy, as light and quickly as I can, like someone in the…oh, what was that sport with all the flags in it? CRAP! I really have lost my memory. It's almost as though my mind was a dictionary…they erased all the words and left me with nothing but definitions. My feet make soft tapping noises on the stone floor, not loud enough to rouse anyone. It's breakfast time, anyway, so most fairies, or whatever that Botan said she was, are probably still sleeping.

Tap, tap, tap. Nothing so far. Yes. I'm making good timing too, for running in a dark cloak that goes down to my knees. God knows how that knot is still holding just outside my armpit. One of these steps, it's going to fall right off, and I'll be a porn artist charging through the halls. You know, maybe that's not a bad idea. They might be so shocked at seeing a naked person that they'll be too stunned to do anything. But, I don't like that idea very much at all…no, I think I'll take my chances and not be a stripper. If I'm going to run away, I'm going to need proper clothing.

I suddenly slow down. I didn't even think of that. I need to get out of this castle, and into that cotton-stuffed air. But is there really a ground? I mean, what I saw around the castle _hinted_ at a ground, but I don't _really_ know. I mean, I don't believe her about how evil is hunting me and that's why I can't go out. Maybe it's the fact that this is a castle in the sky, and this really is the spirit world. If I were to step out, maybe I'd go splat down on the pavement of New York City. But if that were the case, why wouldn't she have just said that? Why make up a story of good and evil?

WAIT! There MUST be ground! These people brought me here, right? Jeez, I'm so stupid! How could I even this it was in the sky? If they flew me, where would they park their jet? God, they were so convincing, I almost fell for their mind game. I think, not that these people want to protect me from evil, but that they want to use me for something. This is probably some sort of CIA extension, of people with wildly blue hair that can fly. It's all an act, maybe even an illusion. I'm going to be some experiment. They tranquilized me, kidnapped me, and put me on some kind of drug to make me forget my past so I wouldn't argue with them. That's it. Maybe I have an ultra rare left pinky or something.

Where the hell is the door out of here? I can't waste anymore time. Who knows when that dum-dum realizes I'm gone and gets Kurama after me? _Kurama's_ no dum-dum, that's for sure. I start running again, beads of sweat starting to collect on my forehead. True, these people haven't done anything bad to me yet, but who knows what will happen when they see that I've evaded their breakfast-poisoning scheme once again?

Sprinting headlong, my predator-prey stamina starts to wear off. Naturally, I get a huge pain in my side. A mega-stitch. A stitch to remember…a stitch far beyond anything known to mankind. The kind of pain like when you get run over by a Honda. But maybe it's because it's coupled with the burning pain in my stomach from lack of food. Clutching my side and gasping for air, I violently halt and lean up against the wall. The hallway looks no different. This whole place is some kind of maze where everything is identical. I can't tell if I'm even going in a circle or not.

I look up at the roof overhead. Identical the whole nine yards. Forget it. There are no distinguishing features. Just blank stone floors, white walls, evenly spaced rooms, and high walls and windows. WINDOWS! MY GOD, I HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT DUMDUMS!

I gasp as I see one. I can tell the glass covering it is shut tightly, but what if I were able to climb up there AND GET AWAY…no, forget it. Unless I had a paddle like Botan…no, forget it. This is probably a dream. A dream of the CIA gone mad. Interesting. Besides, only she, Botan, can conjure such a paddle. Someone normal like me would never be able to.

You know what? Forget it. I'm going to try. At least until I get my strength back.

I hold out my tired, aching arm tiredly in front of me. "Paddle! Come!" Nothing happens. "Here boy! Come on! I know you can!"

I feel a slight tingle in my fingers but I think it's loss of circulation.

"Come on! Come on! Please…come on…"

I drop my arm by my side again. I am so worn out. I need to find a door out of here. I can't fly and I certainly can't scale a perfectly smooth wall. Not even on a good day. What was I thinking, trying to conjure a paddle? If I ever get out of here, I'm going to go nuts. Actually, scratch that. I already _am_ nuts. I mean, calling a nonexistent paddle? Trying to run out of castle in the sky? RRRGH, it's NOT a castle in the sky! Even trying to rationalize things doesn't work. All I get in my head is loony, crazy, and insanity.

You know what? I accept that I'm going nuts. I will call that paddle if it kills me. I raise my arm again and shift it accidentally so that the palm faces upward instead of down and I see the scab on my left wrist. That huge, ugly, wicked cross shape.

I inhale sharply and look at it again. It's repulsive and fascinating all at once. I bring it closer to my face. What was I, before the CIA captured me? Is that much of their story true, that they found me on the streets, completely destitute? Was I a whore? Was I a drug addict? Is that why I'm insane? Am I in withdrawal from that one drug…damn it, I can't remember the name. But am I?

You know what? I probably _was_ on the streets. Maybe I don't have a home to run to. Because, I know if I had a home, I wouldn't cut myself. I wonder what drove me to it? Was I really sad? Was I stressed? Could I not get my drugs? Is there any point in running away now?

I blink. You know what? If I truly don't have a home, if I was truly a beggar or a prostitute or whatever, there isn't any point in running back to it. If I was really all alone in the human world down there, if I had no siblings and no parents, there is no point in going back. Anywhere is better than that.

So…so, what am I saying? Am I actually willing to stay here?

I glance at the cut again and shut my eyes, feeling sick. I bury my arm in the cloak.

…I can't afford to run. Even if they're going to do experiments on me, even if they intend to destroy me in the end, it's better than a slow end to a meaningless life. Right.

I pant harder as I consider this decision. Am I truly ready to risk this? Am I willing to bet that they won't hurt me? Am I willing to put my life on the line for a guess?

I become more conscious of the cut. Suicidal people can't handle their lives so they see that as the only way out. Botan had told me, '_Apparently, you couldn't handle it either.' _I don't want to go back to that, to not knowing what to do. Anything is better than resorting to cutting because life just isn't worth it anymore.

I turn back towards the way I came. I stare down the hallway. Last chance. I can go after Botan and get some food and oh god PLEASE let there be a rest room. Or…I can run away to an unknown future of what I was before my memories were erased. I could risk staying here, or risk running away. Either of which are such great risks. Staying here with people that are seemingly kind and they have abundant food. Breakfast or escape? Food or freedom? Risk 1 or risk 2?

Suddenly, before I've decided completely, my feet start plodding and pulling me back towards where Botan went. Apparently, it's been decided. I'm going to be here a while.

_Breakfast…_

Ignoring my hunger and stitch, I start running again, back along the corridor, back up the stairs, back past all the brown-doored rooms, back to where I started.

Finally, I start to see a change in the monotonous hallways. They become noticeably more narrow, and there's a great smell wafting over them. Yes, this was definitely where I started. The smell is amazing. It's salty and sugary, like bacon, and doughnuts, and eggs, and toast, and plain old cereal, and butter, and milk, and orange juice, and everything that means most in the world right now…

All I have to do is follow my nose. I find that bend in the hallway, and if I hadn't known that Botan had gone down the leftmost of the diverting ways, I'd have been able to follow my nose to the place anyway. Forced to walk out of tiredness, I continue at a brisk pace. Maybe they'll have ham…salted yummy ham…

Finally, when I'm about to give up and walk away, I come to a bright red-green-yellow striped door that stands out above all the other ordinary oak doors. (This sort of looks like…like one of those buildings where lots of people work together…OFFICE BUILDING! That was it…goddamn memory…) It's definitely the place of all that wonderful smell. And it's a set of double doors, the kind without a knob that you can push open, and I don't even consider my options by that point. There was only ham, and that heavenly smell, looming in front of me. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I take a deep breath and push open the door.

Noise immediately shoots through at me, deafening me, as well as a dazzling white light. I gasp and try to evade the pulse of the sound, and praying for God to save my eardrums and retinas, when it all gets quiet in two seconds.

_What the hell did I just get myself into?_ I have this horrible sense of foreboding.

"See, Kurama? I told you she wouldn't be able to resist the food. Like they say, food over flight." Says a cheery voice I recognize.

"_Fight_ over flight. Your analogy sucks."

"But I was right, wasn't I? I knew she wouldn't leave us."

"That didn't make it smart."

My eyes slowly get adjusted to the brightness. My eyes were really used to the unlit hallway. I squint around at them. They're all sitting at a large round table. There's the baby thing Koenma in a blue high chair and a lace bib (GROSS!) and Kurama next to him, looking solemn as usual, other than the fact that he's arguing with Botan heatedly. And Botan is next to him, unsurprisingly. Then, there's an empty chair, and then Great Mattress Thief Yukimura Keiko with a bruise on her neck. Lastly, there's Yukina right next to Keiko. Damn, she looks like Botan. Then 3 other chairs separate her from Koenma. And they're all staring at me, Koenma and Kurama with indifference, Botan with a scary happy look, and Keiko looking pleased to see me. Yukina isn't even looking at me, but at the floor. Either that or my feet. I notice she has a large rip in her kimono near the collarbone that I didn't see before. There's a scratch underneath it. Did an animal attack her?

The room itself isn't very large, but there is a huge lamp hanging over them all, casting the leftmost wall into shadow. I don't know why I expected anything different. Maybe it was the rainbow door.

"She would have run if she could. She probably just realized it was futile and came here for something to eat. It would be the sensible thing to do, and she's a sensible person."

"She'd never run! We got along _too_ well!"

Finally, my eyes adjust completely. Botan has a huge smile on, and she motions for me to come closer. I debate furiously inside my mind. "Come on, sit! You came, so you might as well eat!"

I didn't even think to notice the food. It's neatly arranged on the table…and everything I dreamed it would be. All sorts of breakfast sandwiches and toast and eggs…and…oh…ham…_ham_, just sitting there, in the center, waiting to be eaten…

I have to agree with Botan. I just might as well eat. It took everything I had to drag myself here. In other words, I might as well get what I came for. Apprehensive again, I hesitantly move closer, and Botan pats the empty seat in between her and Keiko. I grumble and instead try to sit in the middle seat in the chain of three empty ones, so I'm not next to any of these strange people. My stomach growls loudly. But, naturally, Keiko pulls on my cloak when I'm not expecting it, trying to get me to come to the seat Botan picked. I screech and jump backwards, (is this girl _more_ than a thief?) holding my towel tightly around my body. I slip on a crumb of dropped food, and hurl backwards.

I hit, not a wall, but _someone_.

I can feel that squishy, alive feeling you get when you knock into someone accidentally. I feel someone's hand on my shoulder, supporting me so as not to mash them into the wall. I screech again and move away so fast the hand comes off. What an incredibly hot hand! I whirl around.

I stare in shock. I swear, there was not a person there before, but somehow he just materialized. It's a teenage boy (_is_ he a teen?) that's almost three inches shorter than me. He has the look of a little animal like a shrew or something, with wild black hair shaped like a cone on top of his little head with a streak of spiky white in front, large eyes that are mostly white with small red irises in the middle, and a pointed little face and ears like an elf. He has a long black cloak covering his body too, just like me.

I snicker. "Cloak buddies." I say to myself, warding off my little scare.

"What?" He has a kind of sharp voice, too. Sharp like his nose.

"Cloak buddies." I say louder. "You have a cloak and I have a cloak. Cloak buddies."

The boy says nothing except give me a strange look.

Awkward. What am I supposed to say? Oh, right, how about I ask his name. It seems like a good way to start.

It's almost out of my mouth when all of a sudden, Botan pops up beside us. She has the look of someone desperately trying to keep a secret. Looking meaningfully at me, she mashes her cheek against mine and begins whispering fervently in my ear, "This is Hiei. Hiei, got it? Act like you remember him! He's your boyfriend."

I'm about to tell her to get the hell off my face, but then, I see a small patterned stick sticking out of the boy's cloak. Could that be the hilt to a sword? See, now how did I know _that?_ And since when did I have a freaking boyfriend? Could Botan actually be telling the truth? Nah, no way. I seriously doubt that there's any way that I would ever date a guy like that. I mean, I'd like someone smart and funny, not a freaking samurai warrior.

You know what, maybe the fact that she's so nervous is that he'll kill me with his Samurai Warrior Powers if I don't act like I remember him. Oh damn oh damn oh damn.

Botan moves back behind me. The boy I now know to be called Hiei gives me a questioning look.

You know what, I have to play this smooth. Real smooth. For right now, if there's even the slightest chance that Botan's story is right, I have to build on that completely. Let's just see if it's even possible to pull this off. I grin wildly all of a sudden and say, over cheerfully, "Hiei, I'm so glad to meet you again! Long time, huh?"

"…Actually about 7 days."

I blink. "It…it seems like a long time to me!" Koenma, Yukina, and Kurama give up and begin to eat in the background.

It might be my imagination, but I could swear I see him recoil slightly, more into the shadow, so that only his white bandanna is visible. "I didn't know you were back." He peers around me and glares at someone back there. I follow his gaze and it lands on Kurama. Kurama determinedly avoids his eyes.

"I didn't know I was either! It's going to take a while to adjust!"

"Dig in, everyone!" Botan calls, probably to me, sitting back down at the table.

Hiei meanwhile gives me another funny look. "Really? Well, it's nice to see you back. How was your mo—?"

"EVERYONE! DIG! IN!" Botan literally screams from behind me, cutting off Hiei easily. My entire body twinges in pain, and I swing around to her.

"THE! FOOD! IS! GETTING! COLD!"

"God, woman, shut _up._" Hiei hisses, rubbing his temples.

"I DIDN'T KNOW BREAKFAST MEANT THAT MUCH TO YOU!" I yell.

Botan grabs my arm and yanks me over to my table, forcing me to sit before I even know what she's doing. I blink, and stare at a nice clean plate in front of me.

And then, I see the ham. That lovely juicy chunk of pink meat, sitting just within reach just in front of me. As though it were made for me.

_I love this place._

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**Author's Note: Review me and die! I mean, review me OR die…hehe…**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: The Kimono (duhn duhn DUHN)**

**Saturday, June 14th, 2005**

I finally clean my five, yes, _five_ plates of everything I ever wanted in my life, lean back in my chair with a contented sigh, and look everyone in the eye this time, feeling fully refreshed and brave. Those jackasses (that I can't remember the names of) really _are_ right about thinking on a full stomach. Maybe this wasn't such a bad choice after all, staying here. I wouldn't get fed so well on the road.

"I'm glad you liked the food." Yukina squeaks. She still doesn't dare look me in the eye, because apparently her fingernails are so much more interesting.

"You made that stuff?" I ask her.

"Y-yes." She trembles.

"It was really good, thanks." Okay. Am I braver or stupider? Because, wasn't I just…hateful of these people? And now I'm being _polite? _I gasp in shock, realizing just what the only possible explanation could be. "You put something in the food!"

"She put a great many things in the food." Botan says happily. "There were eggs, and cornstarch, and salt, and pepper…"

"NOT THAT KIND! She drugged me! All of a sudden, I feel so much more trusting of you all when I just wasn't. And she won't look me in the eye because she's ashamed! I'm probably going to have heart failure in three seconds!"

"I_ told_ you she thought we'd poison her breakfast."

"AND NOW I KNOW IT'S TRUE! Look at you all! Seemingly a polite gesture—"

"Yukina's just shy…"

"THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY!" I roar.

"Botan is rubbing off." The cone-headed boy has, well, _materialized_ next to me, kicking Keiko out of her seat, who squeals indignantly and walks off to sit in one of the chairs next to Yukina. How does he move so quietly so fast? "I'd never thought it would be _you_ she'd corrupt. When did you get so paranoid?"

"What?"

"You're freaking out over nothing. I mean, you know us, we're your friends. Why would we poison your breakfast?"

The rest of the group swallows, and Hiei's (THAT was his name) huge eyes narrow. I don't know what to say. Apparently _he_ lives his life and memory by Botan's story too…

After a full moment's pause, he asks, "Is there something I don't know?" Whether accidentally or threateningly, his right hand begins to stroke the tip of the sword poking out of his cloak. "Is there something different about this one?" He looks directly at Kurama, who holds his gaze.

Botan bursts out, "OH, HIEI, THAT'S _CRAZY_! ISN'T IT? _ISN'T IT?"_

Hiei's eyes flip to Koenma, who returns the gaze evenly. Major tension flies through the air.

Then, Hiei seems to relax, and looks away back to me, his luminous eyes boring into mine. "So, Katrina, why are you back so soon? I didn't expect you."

Well, isn't he a gracious hostess. And why is he referring to me as a Human? Isn't he a human just the same as me? It's like laughing at someone because they have a nose. And doesn't he know I've lost my memory? Apparently not. Why is Kurama staring at me like that? 

"Oh…I just wanted to…to come back…" I finish weakly.

"Because I would have thought you'd have wanted to stay with your—"

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?" A cup is thrust in front of Hiei's face by Botan.

"No, thank you." He says coldly. He has a funny look in his eye.

Oh crap. He wants me to elaborate. "I just wanted to see everyone, and everyone that I was with before was okay."

Hiei looks at me for a long moment, and seems to buy it. "Then why didn't you just say that? Katrina, is something wrong—"

Suddenly, time freezes as Koenma, the baby, picks up a fried egg with his fork and flings it right in Hiei's face. It hits him square on the nose, and the white of the yolk drips down over his lips, trickles down his neck, and soaks his black collar.

I can see his face growing red. Oh shit.

"Enough." He says.

Keiko, Botan, and Yukina stand up all at once. "Breakfast is officially over!" They chime. "Katrina needs to go back to bed to get over her new disease."

Hiei still does nothing except unsheathe his katana sword, drawing it out from the folds of his cloak. "_Koooenmaaaaa…_" He hisses menacingly, with death in his eyes.

Apparently the girls are as eager to be free of the tension as I am. Leave the men to the latest edition of Death at Breakfast, right? Keiko and Yukina each grab a wrist of mine to pull me up. I snap my arms back (breaking their grip), hiding the insides of my arms against my body, lest he see the scars, pretending that the cloak was falling down, and smooth the ends of my hair nervously. To compromise, Yukina and Keiko yank me out of the chair by the _shoulders_ and once I'm in front of them and standing, they and Botan use all of their combined power to shove me clear out of the room at top speed. They don't even give me the chance to open the rainbow door, and instead use me as the kind of log that you smash when a door won't _open_.

I think my nose broke, as well as every other bone in the front of my body. I cringe and shut my eyes, and in their hurry they accidentally ram me in to the opposite wall on top of that. I yelp and cover my face completely, and they turn me the right way and start half running, half shoving me down the hallway. Botan actually takes out her paddle and to make me run harder she jabs me with the pointy end every 3 seconds.

It's over before I know it, and with only minimal injuries. I call that a success considering that it was Botan doing all the pushing (and cruel poking), and Keiko and Yukina doing most of the running. I can't be mad because I should be thanking her. Well, you have to give Yukina credit for opening the door to my room before they punished me again. I mean, why stop at breaking my face? Go the whole nine yards and make a me-shaped hole in the door.

Exhausted with a headache, backache, and nose-ache, I flop down on the closest bed, sprawling far over it. I pant hard from running so hard for so long and stretch. When my breathing returns to normal, I glance up at them to see if they're still there. They are, like some kind of weird nursemaids…several of which have considerably upset the person that dyes their hair. They're in height formation, the giant Botan, the middle-level Yukina, and the small Keiko.

I sit up, understanding that they're waiting for something.

Botan is the first to speak. She's unusually serious. "Katrina…you might have a few questions. No, don't interrupt. I'll tell you. Stay away from Hiei. As I'm sure you figured out, he…he doesn't know what you've forgotten, okay? We'd like to keep it that way. Don't ask why. You're not allowed to know—it might make some unpleasant memories resurface. He may have been your boyfriend, but…"

"Was I in an abusive relationship?" I ask, remembering the sword. "Oh, what the hell. What's going to make me believe you? I mean, sure, I'll keep the secret from him, but I'll tell you right now, I'm not going to stay here forever."

They all exchange a meaningful look. Keiko suddenly breaks formation with the other girls and starts rummaging through the dresser on the other side of the room. "Okay, Yukina, Botan, you can go now. I'll take it from here. All three of us might be making her nervous." She's talking about me like I'm not even there.

They nod and leave. Even their retreating backs suggest that they're sisters. Jeez. I'm just kind of afraid to ask them. What if it's touchy? What if Botan got pregnant at 12 and had Yukina? I guess that settles it…I shouldn't ask…

They shut the door, and I'm left sitting on the bed, wondering what she's doing over there. She seems to be collecting things—ah, there, she just turned around. And she's holding…?

"Are those clothes?" I ask, looking at the folds of purples fabric in her hands.

She nods, embarrassed. "I know, it's about time. Come on, out of that cloak."

"OH MY GOD, YOU REALLY _ARE_ TRYING TO UNDRESS ME!"

She blinks. "Katrina, you're pretty, but not _that_ pretty, you know? No, I'm here to help you on with your kimono. No one in the world can do it by themselves."

"My _what?_"

"Your kimono. You know the dress that Botan and Yukina wore?"

"For _me_? Why do _I_ have to wear one?"

"Actually for protection." She comes closer to me. "It's actually more or less to prevent Hiei from seeing that scar on your wrist. I think that might lead him to suspect something is wrong."

I back away, scooting my butt on the bed. "And I need a whole dress for my arm? Why can't I just say I cut it accidentally?"

"Because it _looks_ like it was done on purpose. It's too perfectly straight. And a kimono looks more natural than a cast or bandage. And we can't have you walk around in a sweatshirt the rest of your life. That's the kind of scar that won't heal, okay? Also, this way he can't…find incriminating evidence on you. Like, when we erased your memories, we had to hurt you…hahaha. So…"

_Huh? When did they knock me out? Is the tranquilizer what she means?_

"Stop fighting me. I'll help you put it on."

"You don't understand. This cloak is the only clothing I have. _I have no panties or bra._ So stay away for your own safety." A thought occurs to me. Was I wearing this cloak when they found me? Because it is sort of comforting…I like the herb scent…

"I have some underwear right here." She digs through the folds of cloth and comes out with the typical underclothes of a woman. She throws them on the bed space next to me, and the underwear almost touches me. I squeal and scoot away.

"I'm not wearing that."

"You have to."

"It's not mine."

"Go on. You have to."

"I AM NOT WEARING SOMEONE ELSE'S UNDERWEAR!"

"It's never been used! We got it for you!"

"OH, SURE, LIKE I'LL BUY THAT!"

"_Wear it._ WEAR IT! STOP BEING A BABY! DO YOU INTEND TO WALK AROUND IN THAT CLOAK THE REST OF YOUR GOD-GIVEN LIFE?"

"…But you'll see me." I say in a small voice.

"No I won't." As if to drive the point home, she turns and walks right out the door, still carrying the kimono. It slams behind her

I just stare at the underclothes. They stare back.

And then, I sigh, giving in. I already promised myself I was going to be here for a while. And like she said, I certainly can't wear that cloak the whole time. Realistically speaking. I mean, how long is this knot going to hold? And I have to admit, the underwear does sort of look my size, so I guess…I guess I'll do it. It probably won't kill me.

Cringing and regretting it already, I slip off the cloak and pull on the underwear.

…Look at all those bruises. All down my chest, and arms…

I don't have long to marvel. Keiko knocks in like thirty seconds, and so I finish in a hurry and shove the cloak back on as she enters. I nervously pull it farther up. She has a maniacal gleam in her eyes, and it doesn't look like this will be fun at all.

I sigh. She's not backing down.

So, to be fair, I can't let _her_ down either.

**Forty Minutes Later:**

"Is it good _now_?" I ask her for the 18 thousandth time.

"NO! YOU'VE BEEN ASKING THAT FOREVER!"

"NOW?"

"_NO!"_

"YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING TYING THE OBI FOR SEVEN GENERATIONS!"

"TRY FIFTEEN MINUTES! DO YOU HAVE ANY PATIENCE?"

"NO!"

"WELL, GET SOME! AND FUCKING HOLD STILL! I'M ALMOST DONE!"

"FINE! I WILL!"

"THANK GOD! THERE, YOU BITCH! YOU'RE DONE!"

I stop screaming at the stupid girl, as I was getting hoarse already, and look at myself in the mirror over top of the dresser. I'm in a soft purple cotton kimono, with a garland of dark green leaves decorating the hem. The sleeves come down the middle of my hands, perfectly hiding the wrists and my supposed wounds, as Keiko says its purpose is. The robe is held on my body with a blue obi and jagged white stripe running through the middle of it. It reminds me of the streak in Hiei's hair. And Keiko even gave me some wooden sandals with the strap running between the big and index toe. And of course the thin white socks and that god-forsaken underwear. I never would have thought that one single kimono required five under-kimonos. Keiko even warned me that if the temperature gets above 60 degrees, I'm going to overheat because of all the layers. Since the temp is only about 45 degrees, it's all pretty comfortable, even if the kimono feels like water, very heavy water. I feel like 200 pounds. It's going to take a while to get used to walking and acting natural in it.

And I must be the only person able to see my face from a stranger's point of view. My hair is really, really long, and thick and black (but it hasn't been washed for three years at least). My face shape follows the same pattern as Keiko's, yet I have green eyes where hers are brown. That's weird. My entire face is mismatched, and yet it seems to chime. Interesting. Am I a mixed blood?

"The purple matches your face." Keiko growls.

"Shut up."

"And the green matches your barf. A perfect set. Only you could manage to _throw up_ when you're getting dressed."

I twitch. "Well, I could handle the kimono part, but that obi took forever! And you tied it so tight, the food in my stomach didn't really have anywhere else to go but up."

"Well, it has to be done in a special square knot, which takes forever, especially if the one being fitted is struggling like someone that's about to be _murdered._ A fish out of water is what you are."

"DAMN STRAIGHT! I AM a fish out of water! I've never worn a kimono in my life and it looks horrible on me!"

"You must be kidding. It looks great! I mean, other than your loose hair, which I am not going to even _try_ doing for you…you look like a geisha."

(Unsure if this is a good thing.) "…What the _fuck_ is a geisha?"

"Never _mind._ Just go to sleep." Before I'm expecting it, she shoves me down on the bed behind me. I can't even get up before she charges out the door and locks it from the outside. "I'll let you out in three years, don't worry." She calls, her voice fading as she leaves.

"HEY! HEY, LET ME OUT! _KEIKO, YOU'D BETTER HOPE I NEVER GET OUT OF HERE!_ YOU JUST WAIT! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET TO ME! I'M GOING TO BE UTTERLY SILENT!_"_

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**Author's Note: Katrina is a tad more difficult in this story, but wouldn't you be? If some random girl said you once knew her and tried to change you into 16th century Japanese clothing? Keiko has no common sense. But you'll see the purpose(s) of the kimono in due time…**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: MASTERING the Kimono**

**Saturday, June 14th, 2005**

It seems that I've gone back on my pledge to stay quiet. "LET ME OUT OF HERE! LET ME OUT! I AM NOT GOING TO GO SLEEP, YOU GODDAMN BITCHY FREAK! LET ME OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE THE CHANCE! ALL RIGHT, I'VE BEEN NICE! I'M GOING TO TEAR THIS DOOR DOWN RIGHT NOW! AND THEN YOU'LL ALL PAY! I WILL DEFEAT YOU ALL _REGARDLESS_ OF WHETHER OR NOT I'M WEARING A DRESS! I KNOW YOU ALL DON'T THINK I CAN, BUT I AM MUCH MORE THAN WHAT I APPEAR TO BE RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT! SOMEONE HELP ME OUT OF THIS THING! I _HATE_ WEARING 6 SEPARATE ROBES! IT'S NOT FAIR TO ME TO MAKE ME WEAR THIS! IT'S—NOT—_FAIR_! ALL RIGHT, FINE. THE DOOR IS GOING DOWN! IF THIS IS THE WAY IT IS, THAT'S WHAT GOING TO—"

"You know, I _really_ don't care whether or not you like the kimono." A girl's voice sounds through the door. "God, Katrina, I didn't really leave you…this is just my revenge. Let me savor it."

"REVENGE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'RE GETTING REVENGE BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO WEAR A STUPID GOWN? WHAT A PETTY, CRUEL WAY TO DO IT!"

I wait and she says nothing, which makes me even madder.

"YOU ARE A FREAKING _BLOWFISH_! YOU LOOK SO CUTE AND SWEET AND ROUND AND THEN YOU JUST BLOW UP AND SHOOT PINS EVERYWHERE! IT'S SO RUDE!"

"My definition of rude is blowing up and then accusing someone _else_ of being a bitch."

I hammer on the door some more. "OPEN THIS DOOR OR I'LL BREAK IT DOWN!"

"You've said that several times now, and it seems to be holding rather well."

"LET ME OUT OF HERE! OPEN UP! THIS IS NOT FAIR! _NOT FAIR_! GODDAMN BLOWFISH!"

The door creak open, and Keiko peers in at me. I stop hammering and just pant at her, glaring daggers.

"All right. This goldfish—"

"_BLOWFISH_!" I scream in her face, blowing back her bangs.

She doesn't even flinch. "This _blowfish_ is so incredibly scared of your door-breaking ability that she's decided to let you out before you _hurt_ yourself."

"As it should be!" I sniff at her. "I was waiting for you to arrive at that conclusion. Wait a minute…" She snorts, hiding a laugh. I glare at her in return, and begin to walk past her with my nose in the air, to make a dramatic exit. But I guess I forgot I was in a kimono. I don't take even a half step before I trip over the hem and almost fall. I reflexively grab Keiko's shoulder and manage not to make a complete fool of myself.

I push myself off her and steady myself, and look at my feet as though inspecting for hem damage. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her smirking.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"WHAT? You think it's funny?"

"Now that you mention it, yes."

"Well, it's not! I just need a little practice."

"A few months at least. Katrina, I can't believe you're missing the real reason you're in a kimono. You're so _slow._ And you were so cool before…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, part of its purpose is to prevent Hiei from seeing the wound, like I said. But a very big part of it is so that you can't run away."

My mouth falls open. "Why…why didn't I think of that? That's why I couldn't wear a sweatshirt or jeans…because I could move in them…and you only decided on the kimono after I said I was going to run…"

I lunge for her and trip again, hitting my forehead on the wall and remaining at a 45 degree angle to the floor. "Ow…"

"And you can't take it off, either." She smiles. "This will simplify things, won't it? You won't be inclined to hurt anyone or get outside, and you'll attract so many guys in that thing. It's the perfect trade-off."

"Who do you think you are, doing this to me?"

"I'm _me._"

I stare at her in shock, not sure what to say.

"Look, it's only temporary. Like Botan said, it's a trial. Now, you're completely helpless, wouldn't you say?"

"…"

"I thought so. So, now you can see how we really feel about you. If we wanted to hurt you, I could kill you right now."

"…"

"SHE'S RIGHT!" A voice screams in an all-too-familiar perky way. Botan rushes up out of nowhere on her paddle, and whams Keiko with the flat end out of the way. She pushes me with the round end backwards and I scream, unable to keep balance in this thing. I end up with my torso falling onto the bed behind me and Botan zooming in. She makes her paddle disappear over the next bed over and she flumps down happily. The door slams shut behind her with a bang. I hear someone stomping down the hall. Man, Keiko is getting shoved a lot today, isn't she?

Botan moves her had really, really close to mine. "HIEI STATS!" She yells. I blink and wipe spit from my cheek, and she giggles as though it's funny.

"Why don't you go crawl under a rock?"

"THAT WOULDN'T BE FUN! I'M YOUR TOUR GUIDE, REMEMBER? I TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE!"

"Too bad you don't come with a volume control…"

"SOLD SEPARATELY!" She screams, and laughs at her own joke. She sighs. "Okay, okay, I'll be quieter. But remember how we said that you've aroused Hiei's suspicion and he's going to do anything in his power to find out what's different about you?"

"No, but okay…"

"Well, here it is, the stuff to let you know how to answer—"

"WAIT. No, seriously. Why don't we just tell Hiei? That way you can…go be perky…in a ditch somewhere…"

"Oh, hush! Heheheh. What you need to know is that Hiei is your unofficial boyfriend. You two met each other and t'was love at first—"

"AND?"

"Hahahahaha! Sorry. Well, Hiei is a fire demon and his secondary gift is also speed."

"Wait, what? What about demons again?"

"I thought I explained this, Kat! There is a human world, a spirit world, and a demon world…I am a spirit, Kurama, Hiei, and Yukina are demons, Koenma is the son of Enma, aka God, and you are a human slash—never mind, never mind. Do you understand?"

"Who could possibly understand _that_?"

"Oh, it doesn't even matter. Repeat: Hiei is a fire demon."

"Hiei is a fire demon."

"Good. And he harbors a hatred towards humans like yourself, he's often very heartless, he likes to kill things, he's overly suspicious of everyone, and he never smiles."

"WELL, that just _embodies_ everything I look for in a boyfriend!"

"Haha, well, you changed him a little bit, and as soon as you left, he reverted back to his usual cranky self. He's been killing a lot more too."

"…So this guy likes murder and he hates humans like me. Do I see an _issue_ in this relationship?"

She ignores me totally, blathering on. "Hiei is simply an unstoppable force of nature. He's nearly 17, he's completely hooked on strawberry ice cream, and—"

"He wants me dead and he likes _ice cream_."

"He doesn't want you dead! He's only bothering you because he wonders why you don't like being bothered by him anymore."

(Funny look).

"Hiei is pretty clever, Katrina. He's suspicious and is going to try to get out your secret. He's so nosy, that boy. But he's cute." She claps me on the shoulder. "Good going!"

"So, in other words, because he's cute, I should be perfectly okay with this."

"…Uh huh! That's a good way of putting it!"

"Oh my god, I'm going to go _nuts…_"

"Oh, come on, keep the secret. Listen, Hiei wouldn't understand why you needed to forget. The poor thing has so many bad memories of his own he won't understand why you needed to forget yours. Hiei is sort of a lost cause already. So, we're sparing him the trouble of it all."

"I still don't understand how lying will help…" I sigh, and look at my hands. "What else haven't you told me?"

Botan sighs, the happy light gone from her eyes. "Look, bonehead, I already told you, I'll tell you what you need to know."

"I need to know this."

"No, you really don't. You won't understand because you don't remember what he's like."

"Just tell me. Otherwise, I have no reason to go along with this."

She seems to restrain herself. "Last I checked, you didn't have a choice. Just act like you know him. It's for the good of you and us."

"But—?"

"NO! NOOOOOOOOOO! NO MORE DAMN QUESTIONS! I'VE TOLD YOU SO MUCH MORE THAN I'M PERMITTED TO TELL YOU ALREADY AND IT'S YOUR FIRST DAY HERE! OH, WHY CAN'T I KEEP A SECRET?"

I inch away from her slowly. "Botan?"

"Yes?"

"Just shut up."

"Okay!"

I try to get off the bed to leave, and end up rolling right off in the kimono. Regaining her normal manner, Botan laughs, flies over top of me, and looks down, pointing her finger and laughing some more. I glare at her as I sit up. I use the comforter to pull myself up the whole way, and I sway even when I'm perfectly upright. Botan continues to laugh. I grab the lamp to throw at her head, and then I think of a better idea. I jump onto the bed and drag my body across, giving up on trying to move the regular way. I propel myself across like a bullet and just manage to grab the end of her kimono. I yank on it, and she shrieks and darts away, but my grip is so strong that she drags me with her. When I do let go, the built up strength makes her ram backwards into the white wall behind her.

I couldn't have planned it better. The paddle slams into the wall, making her entire head ram backwards into it. I hear a thud as she slides down the wall.

I smirk and crawl over to her, across the beds. I peer my head just over at her half-hidden form.

"Would this be a bad time to tell you that you left two huge dents in the wall?"

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" She shrieks, managing to get up with ease. God, I hoped she'd at least be hurt a little. "WHAT?"

"Don't laugh like that at me!"

She sends me a penetrating stare. "But it was funny. You looked like some kind of purple package."

"All right, I get it."

"A great, straight, jelly-doughnut."

"I said I get it."

"Or maybe just a roll of useless fabric…"

"YOU'RE RIGHT! I'M JUST TALENTED! LET ME SHOW YOU AGAIN!"

"What? Oh no, no, don't you—AGH!" She screams as I roll off the bed and land on top of her legs and she goes falling over, hitting her head in the wall again.

"A CLEAN HIT!" I yell at her.

"GET OFF, FREAK!"

"SHUT UP!"

"GET OFF!"

"TEACH ME HOW TO WALK IN A KIMONO AND I WILL!"

"NO!"

"SUFFOCATION OR A SIMPLE LESSON! BUT, IF YOU INSIST…"

"_FINE_!"

I roll off her, and she, less successfully this time, gets up. I use the bed to climb to my feet again.

She glares at me, her blue hair a great frazzled mess, with fire in her eyes like none I've never seen there before. Then she sighs, and her bad mood starts ebbing away just like that. "I shouldn't have laughed. But wasn't that a bit violent?"

"As a matter of fact—"

She huffs at me. "Well, here we go…ow…" She rubs the back of her head gingerly. "Ow…well, to walk in a kimono, you must take very tiny baby steps. Like so." She lifts the hem of her kimono and demonstrates before my eyes how little these baby steps must be. I stare.

"But you cover about an inch every three minutes with those."

"I guess Keiko told you that was the purpose." She smirks.

"You know, that was a horrible thing to do."

"I know. If you try to take big steps, you risk smashing your nose clear off your face."

I give up right then and there. "But I had already decided to stay! I could have run and instead went for breakfast! It took me a whole 20 minutes to get through that battle, and now it's fucking already been decided for me."

She looks at me in a sympathetic way, and then grins. "Well, we've reinforced your decision, then! Come on, follow me out the door."

"Out the door?"

"It's the best way to learn, being thrown into the deep end. Come on, follow me. Let's see if you can make it to the dining hall. I simply must show you off to them. Let's go, then. To walk, you must take the end of your kimono—no, the other side—yes, that's it. That's how you don't trip over it. NO, don't let it drag! There, there, that's good form right there—"

"Why can't I have a paddle like you?"

"Because you aren't a spirit guide."

"What do I have to do for the job?"

"Become a spirit, which you aren't and can never be. So shut up. Now, do it just like you were doing it—no—no—yes, like that, very good. Now, take dainty little steps, now…"

Trying very much to act like a cement statue on wheels, I travel after her with little tiny steps like she instructed. And…I'm moving! Well, because of the baby steps, I'm moving as though walking on a tightrope, straight-backed and even, but I'm moving nonetheless. "Botan, it's working!"

"It sure is!"

And then, naturally, the Katrina-Clumsiness returns. Just when my self-esteem can go no higher, I trip and just manage to catch myself on the way out the door, with my nose an inch away from the door frame. I steady myself again and hastily follow her out.

"And don't cheat. Don't hang onto the wall. You're going to have to learn to walk fine on your own, like I do."

As if to prove a point, she trips and in a second is spread-eagled on the ground in front of me. I totter towards her.

"Wow, you're an awesome sempai. You've inspired me." I pretend to fall on her.

"DON'T!" She yells.

I giggle at her in the really annoying way she laughed at me when I rolled off the bed. "Sweet vengeance."

"I _said_ I was sorry!" She says, brushing herself off.

"And it wasn't enough. Go on."

She huffs, with a little more anger than usual, and walks behind me for the rest of the trek, and punishes me thoroughly.

"NO! No I told you no hanging onto the wall! And don't imitate me like that! This is for your own good! NO! I keep telling you, hold the LEFT hem up, not the RIGHT, the left. THE LEFT! God, no one ever had much trouble as you do in a kimono! Even I'm not _that_ clumsy! Come on, pick yourself up. Oh my goodness, is that a scrape? Oh, no, good. Well, continue onward! FORWARD MARCH! HUP 2 3 4 HUP 2 3 4 HUP 2 3 4 HUP 2 3 4! Let's get it moving! Go on, go on! Let's get this started!"

Imagine 20 minutes straight of this. I don't think I have to go any further.

Finally, I can see the rainbow door to the kitchen on my left! Yes! Oh, thank you God, I knew you wouldn't fail me…

"NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Really, now! I know you can do better than this! I remember you with Genkai, and most people can master walking much faster than 12 types of martial arts! Work for it, figure it out, I'm not going to say this again!"

"I bet." I mutter.

"What was that? Such sass! STOP FALLING! GET UP! You want to learn? Well, you're learning from the greatest sensei in kimono wearing here, that always –WHUMP– ow…that _always_ carries herself in the proper traditional way! You should too! WOOT! GO KATRINA! YOU'RE FINALLY GETTING IT, LITTLE BY LITTLE—DAMN IT, THE LEFT HEM, NOT THE RIGHT!"

I swivel on my wooden shoes to the left and push open the bright doors. I am once again greeted by bright light, and when my eyes get used to it…

Yes, there's Hiei, Kurama, Botan, Keiko, and Yukina, all arranged there in the way that they were when I left. (Although Keiko has reclaimed her seat from Hiei). They see me in the doorway, Botan right behind me.

My eyes travel at once to Hiei, who's looking pretty surprised. Kurama looks like he's about to laugh, Keiko looks indifferent, Yukina looks interested, and Koenma…well, I can't read the expression of a baby.

I smile at them all nervously, giving an extra big one to Hiei, take one step into the room, and what do you know, I hold the hem on the right side. The ground rushes up to meet me, and when I hit, my brain yells at me and shuts down in retaliation. _If you can't fucking stand up then you're not going to be conscious! Hah!_

Wow. My own brain is conspiring against me. What else could possibly go wrong? Oh no, I jinxed it! I have to knock on wood now! Oh, there…there's wood right there on the floor…haha…

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**Author's Note: Bad place to cut it off, but I got some complaints that it was too long, so I've decided to keep all my chapters within a 5-page limit. And since this is her first day here, Saturday the 14th, it's going to spawn many chapters, okay?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Third Installment of the Kimono Saga…**

**Saturday, June 14th, 2005 (Will this day never end?)**

"She's not dead, right?"

"No, of course not. She only tripped."

"Are you sure she isn't dead?"

"Keiko, Yukina is the healer."

"Botan, I'm just worried! She's not acting like herself!"

"Might that be because she had all her memories erased?"

"No, in a different way! She was never that hostile!"

"_Might that be because she had all her memories erased?_"

I stare up at the ceiling. I'm in an entirely different bed again, and there's a metal band around my waist to prevent me from getting up. Not like I could. Information slowly trickles back into my head. Oh yeah, that's why I'm in a new bed in a white room. I tripped and knocked myself out. Damn kimono. It's not fair at all of them to make me wear this.

When are those guys going to stop arguing?

"Fine! You can come in!"

The door bursts open and Keiko shoots in, looking very EMO. She kneels at my side. "Are you okay?" I just watch the others come in. Koenma levitates in first, then Kurama, Botan, Yukina, and Hiei last. Keiko asks again, with considerably more volume, "ARE YOU OKAY?"

"Yes! God, I'm fine!" I rub my ear and glare at her. "Keiko, seriously…"

"I shouldn't have made you wear that kimono." She whimpers, and I shut my eyes, waiting for it. "I should have known that in your mental state, you'd never be able to walk in one…"

"Are you saying I'm stupid?"

"Well…" She pauses. "Kimonos are apparently much more deadly than we have previously perceived them…"

"Now you're just mocking me!"

"Maybe if you'd just made some effort, you wouldn't be brain damaged!" Botan screeches.

"I'll tell you who's brain damaged."

"What was that, Keiko?"

And they all begin to merrily kill each other. Yukina rolls her eyes and turns away, muttering darkly. Hiei is the only one that stays silent, just watching me indifferently, standing next to the door frame. I smile at him nervously, and he goes a little closer. Shit. He shoves Keiko out of the way (And counting: Third time she got shoved today) and kneels by me instead.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I will be if I get out of here." I grumble.

He shrugs, and touches the metal band. I feel a wave of heat, and it melts right off me at his touch. I stare in stunned surprise. "Whoa."

"I've done better, you know that." He takes my arm and stands me, carefully making sure I don't fall. I balance on him and resist the urge to put my elbow on his shoulder. He beckons to me and 1000 things go off in my mind at once.

He's trying to get me out so he can interrogate me, isn't he? Oh no. It's a conspiracy!

I wrench my arm out of his grip and sit back on the bed. He raises his eyebrows and tries to pull me up again, and I shake my head and look at the floor. Now he looks half-confused-half-understanding.

He sits next to me and I twitch. If this guy is my boyfriend…if he tries to hold my hand, I don't think I'll be able to take it…oh, thank God, he does nothing. He just stares straight ahead for a long moment. And then he turns to me and asks, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

I can barely hear him above the argument that's taking place. "Like what?" I say, trying to save myself.

"Is there?"

"N-no, why would there be? I mean, we're just…us." Wow, I'm brilliant. I didn't even think of this idea until right this second. "I like things the way they are." (In the background: "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE AND WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A TOTAL BITCH?") I cover my ears.

Apparently, not so brilliant. Hiei looks at me like I just sprouted another head, and grows slightly red. "That…that wasn't…that wasn't what I mean at _all_…I just…I meant…if you had forgotten something…"

"Hiei, how could I forget you? I like you just the way you are!" I say, making my smile so big it _hurts_. "I have no problem with you any more than I did seven days ago."

He grows redder. "But…I…I thought that…that maybe you had forgotten…" ("I'LL TEACH YOU TO MESS WITH ME, JACKASS!")

"And I haven't." I smile at him again. He still looks incredibly awkward, and finally, I think I see a very tiny change in the corners of his mouth. Maybe that's some kind of smile. Coming from Botan, it would be a pathetic grin, but from Hiei, maybe that's all he's got. He certainly is a serious person…

But if nothing else, that tiny corner-up smile proves that he believes me. I turn a little red too. Only maybe it's because of guilt and shame. He seems nice. If I didn't have it in the back of my head all the time that he likes killing people, I might even like him.

He says nothing else, just looks away from me and back at the wall. I do exactly the same. And after a few seconds, the loud argument gets resolved.

"FINE! FINE! THE KIMONO STAYS ON!" Keiko yells, red in the face. "BUT DON'T BLAME ME IF SHE BREAKS HER NECK!"

No one else says anything. I think they're all too worn out.

"YEAH! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! DON'T SAY ANYTHING!"

"We're not, don't worry…"

"AGH!" Botan suddenly shrieks as she by chance turns around and sees Hiei sitting next to me. She rushes over, rather clumsily. "Hiei! Did you interrogate her at all?"

Hiei just _stares_ at her.

"Well? Did you or did you not ask her strange questions? KATRINA! Did he ask you strange questions?"

"Um…no…not really…"

"HIEI! IS THIS TRUE?"

_Stare._

"Botan, he didn't bother me…"

"WE MUST RESOLVE THIS IMMEDIATELY!"

_Stare._

"Why do you keeping _looking_ at me like that, Hiei?"

He pauses for a second. "I'm just trying to imagine how someone so stupid got to the coveted position of River Guide. By the way, your hair isn't brushed."

And, just like that, he gets up off the bed and walks out the door.

You have to give him points for that exit. I actually crack up, trying desperately to smother it in my hands and failing, snickering really loudly. Everyone is completely silent, and looking at Botan, who looks like she's going to kill the first chipmunk that crunches a nut too loud. But, then, she simmers down in two seconds, and the rage leaves her eyes. How does she do that?

Finally, she half-forces a smile up. "Well, Hiei's his usual cheerful self. Really, Kat, did he say anything odd?"

"Haha…Heheheh…no, he really didn't! Oh my GOD…I tried to tell you…that was so hilarious…" I continue to fall to pieces.

"I got a little carried away." She _giggles._

In Everyone's Mind: _A little?_

Right back to normal, she grins again at something behind me. Oh, it's the melted metal band I had around my waist that is now a hard puddle on the sheets. "See, isn't Hiei cute deep down?"

"…What does that have to do with _anything?_"

"Oh, you and your jokes." She laughs and pushes me down onto the bed, and I can do nothing to protect myself.

"Get me out of this damn thing." I say. "I'm done with it."

They all blink, and glance at one another. "You…you have to stay in that."

I stare at them. "But…but it almost killed me! This kimono is hazardous to my well-being! DO you want me dead? Do you seriously want me dead? If I find out that you all are—IF I FIND OUT THAT ANY ONE OF YOU WANTS ME DEAD I'LL DESTROY YOU!"

"Destroy us how, exactly? From what I've seen, you can't even walk." Kurama says with a slight sneer.

"OF COURSE I CAN!" I stand up from the bed, and begin to hobble towards the smart-ass. Trudging as fast as humanly possible when one is inside a roll of fabric death, I actually do really well walking.

Well, except for the point when I step on that goddamn hem and throw myself forward into Kurama's leg, causing a huge uproar. I've only begun to sink my teeth into his flesh when he catches me, just like that, and pries me off. I continue to lay on the ground.

When the girls have the chance to calm down, he says only four words. "I rest my case."

I stare up at him, pulling as much hate as I can into my eyes. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I shove myself into a pushup position and get ready to shove myself up. Only, I think they tightened the kimono while I was sleeping. My legs are entirely useless. I feel like some kind of caterpillar.

I push and shove with my arms, the only part of me that's even a little bit useful, shoving on the floor, shoving on Kurama's leg, shoving off of anything to get up.

"AGH!" I yell, frustrated, as I crack my wrist and snap it back instinctively and lose my balance and fall flat down again, right where I started, only somehow I roll onto my back. This time, Kurama doesn't catch me. He just leers over me as well as the others.

I see a hand being offered, Botan's, and I coldly ignore it. "I'll get up on my own." I hiss in a deadly whisper.

"Suit yourself." Kurama shrugs, and beckons to the others. They look shocked, and then understanding. They follow Kurama out the door.

"WAIT!" I yell. "YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE!"

Kurama turns around momentarily. "Don't worry. We'll be in the dining room, _not helping._"

I stare at him in shock. Botan and Keiko both look sympathetic, but whatever empathy they felt, they managed to suppress it quiet well. I'm now left staring at the door as it shuts behind them. Those assholes. I'll show them. I'll get up on my own in no time.

**In No Time, a.k.a. Two Hours:**

I flop back down on the ground, my aching bones screaming. Nothing is working. Nothing at all is working. I've tried using my arms, my abs, some muscles in my butt I didn't know I had, and my neck. I had no idea getting out of a kimono would be this tough. They are pure evil, those people. But I'm the only one to blame here. Why couldn't I see through Keiko's story about not letting Hiei see the scar? I should have been able to see exactly why I needed to have a kimono. I couldn't walk in it. I couldn't run away. They chained me here in the subtlest way possible. Now, I have no choice. I have to stay here until they let me out of this kimono.

Oh, and just a thought: I doubt kimonos require five under-robes.

They never even came back for me. They're just letting me waste away here on this God-forsaken floor. I'm so hungry. That breakfast was ages ago. I need to get out of here. I made such a foolish decision in staying here. These people may seem nice but that doesn't mean that they really are nice. I'm like Gretel without bread and stuck with candy witches. I mean, looking at these countless offenses they've committed—I need to escape. But how?

_I need to get out of here!_

I feel a surge of heat in my hands and head from pushing up on them so much. I look at them to observe the blister damage, and I nearly have a heart attack. My hands are glowing blue.

I stare in shock, not even finding it in me to scream. I'm too entranced by the fire flowing around them. It's not scary, it's something else entirely. It's only slightly hot—a slight surge of power culminating between my palms. I look on in awe. The power—I can't find any other word to describe it—

It feels great. It's…amazing. All that heat traveling through my fingers like the blood in my veins, just waiting there for me. Oh my god…

I try keep my hands in the air to avoid setting the floor on fire, but as soon as I think it, it becomes much harder to do. My hands, already sore and tired, fall slowly against my will to floor. I shut my eyes as they touch, but I feel a rushing sound in my head and when I open my eyes, I'm completely upright.

I wobble and almost fall straight down again out of the surprise of it all. How did that happen? When did I get up here? Did my hands propel me?

I glance at my hands and find that they've returned to normal. No blue light…and no blisters, either. Like they were healed or something. That's…odd. Very odd. I thought for sure…

Then, it hits me. Who cares how I got up here? For all I know, a fairy helped me, but I don't care. Hell, I might have been hallucinating. But I'm STANDING. S-T-A-N-D-I-N-G. I can go home free now.

I grip the bedpost to my right and carefully set out, holding the RIGHT hem as Botan instructed me, and taking really tiny baby steps. And guess what—it actually works. Who would have thought that Botan would teach me something useful? I inch along to the door. I'm going to follow her exact commands and make it to that goddamn steel door. And I'll do it proud.

Wobbling but somehow keeping my balance, I move slowly but surely to the door. Closer…closer…I can almost sense the aura of the metal…GOT IT!

I clutch the steel knob in delight, and pull on it hard. Come on…I can feel it giving way. Now, come on, you know you want to open…nice door…you can let me out now…

THERE! The door opens quietly towards me and I pull it open hesitantly. The coast is clear—

"YOU'RE STANDING UP!" Botan screams, wildly embracing me and jumping up and down. "OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER COME! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!"

My mind shuts off. I'm just going to take every violent girl with a drunk hairdresser in stride from now on. She must have been waiting in ambush. How odd of her.

"OH, THIS IS WONDERFUL NEWS! I MUST TELL THE OTHERS! _OTHERS!_" She screeches down the hall. I clap my hands to my ears and immediately teeter. She lets go of me, further setting me off balance, and screams the entire thing again. When no one comes, she just shrugs, her composure regained. "Oh well, it's their loss. How did you stand up?" She looks around and notices me, flat on the ground again. "Um…"

Take it in stride, Katrina, remember. Act perfectly natural. "Something weird happened."

"Something weird?"

"Yes."

"Oh…um, what?"

"Something strange happened with my hands."

She looks surprised, and then perfect again. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes. It was freaky."

She gets a contemplative look on her face. To cover it up, she yells, "YOU'VE ACTUALLY MASTERED THE KIMONO THOUGH! THAT'S AWESOME!"

"As you've said 30,000 times."

She gets a devilish look in her eyes. "And you know what that means!"

"I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't—"

"MASTERING THE KIMONO WITH BOTAN, PART _TWO_!"

The impact of her words dig into me like a bullet.

"…NOOOOOOOOO!"

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**Author's Note: Not my best chap. Couldn't get it the way I wanted it to be. Oh well. Review.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: The Gate of Judgment**

**Saturday, June 14th, 2005**

"NO! KATRINA, ARE YOU STUPID? THE RIGHT HEM, THE RIGHT HEM, THERIGHTHEMTHERIGHTHEMTHERIGHTHEM!"

"Can't we just stop?" My stomach rumbles, and the books I was holding on my head fall down again. "Can't I just swear I won't run away and get out of this?"

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! PICK UP THOSE BOOKS!"

I slowly bend down to pick them up again, and end up making the books on my shoulders fall as well. I groan, and go to pick up all six of them. At least I don't fall down again.

"STAND UP FASTER! COME ON! I'M NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE HERE FOR YOU! YOU'E GOING TO HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO WALK ON YOUR OWN!"

I snap, right then and there. "GOOD! AT LEAST I CAN GET AWAY FROM YOU! I'M SO SICK OF THIS! I'D RATHER HAVE MY EYES GOUGED OUT!"

"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED, YOU KNOW! YUKINAAAAAAA!"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! IF YOU WERE PLANNING ON DOING THAT, YOU WOULD HAVE KILLED ME BY NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A FREAKING _SADIST_!"

She suddenly washes away all that anger, like usual, and smiles sweetly. "Put the books on your head again, Katrina." She makes her paddle appear in her hands and shoves the pointed end near my throat like a spear. Then she cracks up. "I'd make an awesome samurai." She giggles, and pokes me in the throat. "Go on, get to it! The sooner you get done, the sooner you eat. I can hear your tummy."

"I no longer _have_ a tummy! It simply withered away four hours ago! You didn't even allow me lunch! It's been so long since I've eaten!"

"Aww, does Mommy need to get oo a tummy?" She tries to ruffle my hair. I bat her hand away, and she pokes me in the throat again the second I begin to inhale, and I breathe in wooden stick. I choke, and she releases. "Do it now."

I glare at her and her goddamned stick, angrily pick up the books, and balance the ones on my shoulders easily. But the head is always what gets me. She says I need to put two books on each of my shoulders and two on my head to keep erect and balanced and walking in a kimono, but I think she just wants to make me suffer. I can never get it on my head. I have a really _round_ head. There is nowhere for the book to stay balanced on. She says that's the point. I say she just doesn't have enough to do. She pokes me whenever I say something sarcastic. It's the basic system.

I slap the thick book on my head, carefully placing it there. When I let go…it actually doesn't fall. Oh my god. I can't believe it. It's staying there. It's really, truly staying there. It's simply levitating there…I can't even feel it on my head…

I start to walk carefully, like a brick with legs, making sure that nothing is set even slightly off balance. We're in the narrow hallway outside of that white room that I woke up in. I take one step.

Botan zips behind me suddenly, and says, "Boo."

And it falls.

Naturally, all the other books fall too. Because that's just how it _works_ here.

I whirl around to her. She's grinning widely. I can only hate her. I cross my arms in front of me and charge towards her. She looks surprised, and blocks with her wooden paddle. I glare at her, analyzing her fighting stance. Ah. So she's pretty strong, not leaving any body part exposed. I prepare my fists in front of my face to attack her.

Then, I see it. If I go in for a crescent sweep on her left ankle…she'll fall and I'll win. How the hell do I know this?

Without warning, I make my move. I dive towards her, aiming to kick her right in the vulnerable calf, when she counteracts easily. She agilely jumps onto her paddle, and swivels in the air. I have no time to block before she swings around and the flat end of it bitch-slaps me across the face.

Stupefied, I fall flat on my butt, blinking slowly. How…the hell…did she do that?

Botan (going in and out of focus) appears over me. "You've gotten a little rusty. I'll have to talk to Genkai once you've mastered the kimono. Besides, that blue light you were talking about means training big-time, girl…"

"…Ow…" I put a hand to my face. I think she just obliterated my cheekbone.

"You know, I think that's enough for the day. How about I take you someplace special that's guaranteed to help you feel better?"

"Th-th-the-the hospital?"

"No, no, you're only going to have a slight bruise. Not enough of a cut to trouble Yukina with. Here, let me just show you the place, okay?"

_No…_ My mind whispers, but my mouth moves in a different pattern. Wow. I can't even hear myself. She knocked me around pretty good…haha…hahahahaha…

So, she turns around and offers me the blunt end of the paddle. Oh, that was the thing that smacked me. And there's _two_ of it! Hahahahaha! I reach out to grab it, and my hands miss several times. It's moving around too much. Ah…there we go…I grabbed it…hahahahaha…wow…this is really fun…are we flying? Haha, there's still two of everything…this is so fun…everything is rushing along…I think we're flying…haha…this great big purple thing that's wrapped around my body is flapping behind me…fly, birdie, fly…hahahahaha…ooh! We're going down some stairs now…HAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, look! There's a big glass door over there down the hallway! WHOA! What a big glass door! I haven't seen any big glass doors around here before! I just saw the doors that were made of great big slimy crabs…lots and lots of crabs…yum…

Big…big glass door…wow. That big glass door makes me tired…

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Ahh…wow…this is a really warm place…it smells so nice…I open my eyes. Wow. I feel so relaxed and refreshed. I don't even want to wake up…I was just in the middle of a very good dream…Ooh, where is this place? This is even better than that dream about a big glass door and getting slapped with an oar! Hm…for some reason the entire right side of my face hurts…

I blink in delight. I'm lying under a huge sakura tree with huge pink flowers overhead. Between the thick-leaved branches, I can see a huge glass plate above it. Huh? I look closer. Maybe that's a kind of roof. Yes, yes it is. I can see that sparkling cottony mist above it, only it's golden and glowing. I sit up, and gasp in surprise. I'm in a huge, lovely jungle. I look down. I'm in a bed of grass, next to a three-foot high stone wall, and all around me are the most amazing flowers and herbs and stalks and trees. And the most heavenly smell is wafting from it all…wow. What is this place?

I try to stand and remember I'm in my kimono. So, I use the stone wall to push myself up. Still a little wobbly, I simply sit down on it and gaze all around me. I'm in some kind of forest, maybe. A magical forest. This is the kind of forest you read about in fairy tales. All except for the scary talking animals part. There are a few plants I recognize, like some buttercups, some mustard trees, some common neighborhood grass, something my mom would like…

Mom?

I try desperately to hold onto the memory, and it vanishes again.

And then, my rage disappears. Oh yeah. Botan hit me across the head with her paddle. I bet it loosened up some of my hidden memories.

Wow. I am completely content with this. Why is some part of me telling me that I should be mad at Botan for hitting me? I simply breathe in another whiff of the fresh, clean air, and gaze around at all the flowers again. There are some I don't recognize at all—orange-glinting blue ones, ones that are emitting puffs of purple air, ones that seem to have tongues, some that are not trees but taller than trees.

Paradise. That's what this is.

I've been relieved from my suffering.

I laugh out loud, and the sound echoes just slightly. I look behind me. Wow. Under the stone wall rides a huge river. It has such a peaceful glow…

I bend down and take off the horrible wooden sandals and socks that came with my kimono, and stand up feeling much more comfortable. But there's still the issue of running, and walking for that matter. I try to hitch up the ends of the kimono, but again, there's those five under-robes. I give up and take tiny baby steps in it. I slowly leave the wall and travel over to the nearest orange flower. It looks a little like a tiger lily. I sniff it. Ah. Great. Like a citrus…

Next one: oh my god, even better!

Next one: (gasp) it smells like everything good in the world…

I move down and down the chain of flowers. Whoever said you can't get high off of flowers was high on something else entirely. Each one, with all of their strange scents and appearances are all exquisite in their own way. I sound really strange right now. A flower critic. Hahahahaha. Dear god, am I seriously high right now?

I eventually reach the end of the peculiar line of flowers. Oh. I've gone down a hill, that's why. And I'm almost at the river. Hm. All forest life simply ends there. That's odd. Maybe none of these plants are water plants?

I go closer to it. It seems to be beckoning to me, and me alone. I smile at it, and something inside it smiles back. Wow. What a great river.

Then, I remember, suddenly, just what it must be. I screech and back away from it so fast I fall flat on my butt into the soft grass. I crab-crawl away from it, yelping all the while. Oh my god…oh my god…oh my god…

Then, my back bumps into someone. I twitch out of fright and look up, expecting to see the grim reaper or something. And I'm completely right. It's Botan.

"Would you like some food?" She asks with a smile. Panting, I nod yes. She bends down (how does she do that so gracefully in a kimono?) with a plate of chicken and rice. There's not that much of it, per se, but I'm starving. I dive into it, marveling at the taste (it's almost as good as breakfast) and finish quickly, placing the plate next to me.

Botan sits down next to me when she's sure I'm done. She looks at me and smiles. "I guess you found the River Styx."

I blink. "Yes, I think so." I suddenly remember that she was the one who took me here. She took me through the big glass doors to here and I lost consciousness. "Why did you take me here if the River to Hell is here?"

She smiles distantly again. "Well, Katrina, first off, this is the most spiritual place in the spirit world."

I wait for her to continue.

"This is where a mortal goes to heaven or hell. You either float up through that rooftop…" She points up, "To heaven, or you go right down the river to hell."

"Do you actually want me to die?"

"No!"

"Well, your plan has been thwarted. I'm still here. Bet you're happy. Why _am_ I still here?"

"Because there isn't a spot in heaven or hell for you yet and because no one pushed you in."

"…Huh?"

"Katrina, when you actually do die, your spirit is taken by me or another Spirit Guide (also me) to the Gate of Judgment. Here. Then, we do a quick evaluation of your achievements and failures, and give clearance to your eternal peace or shove you into the river of eternal suffering." She giggles.

"Is that why you're here? To push me in? Is this my last meal? Don't I even get a decision on my last meal?"

"I just took you here because it's a very soothing place. You used to like it."

I stare at her, anger welling up despite the soothingness of it all. "You took me here to calm me down, and you didn't even think to tell me that if I were to fall into the River of Hell— Botan, I have no memories! What if I fell into the River not knowing how bad it was?"

"Well, I couldn't very well tell you that. You were a little bit loopy after I got you. You asked me for sauerkraut mixed with engine oil several times. And I figured you'd instinctively know to stay away. Most people don't choose to go to hell and end their lives."

"Why would anyone rather go to hell than be alive?"

"The super-depressed ones. The ones that have lost all hope." She giggles yet again. "I know it's a lot. But, in other words, you don't really want to kill yourself, right?"

"Um…no, not at this moment…"

"Good. As long as you don't have any particular wish to go to hell, you'll be fine."

I don't say anything. "But what if I accidentally fall in?"

"Don't accidentally fall in. Here. Come back with me. It's already 11:00, believe it or not."

Maybe it's just the flowers, but I feel a lot more relaxed towards Botan. "Okay." I am really, really tired. I'm sure she won't do anything to me that she shouldn't.

She conjures her paddle, levitates, and offers me the end. I grab it, grateful that she's not going to make me walk.

I keep my eyes half-closed as we fly. Yes, there's the big glass door up there. I knew I remembered that when I was loopy.

We fly into the hallway, and I'm just waiting to get into bed. And then…

"OH MY GOD! WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES AND SOCKS? YOU CANNOT WEAR A KIMONO WITHOUT SHOES AND SOCKS! IT'S UNHEARD OF! SUCH A SCANDAL! THAT DOES IT! I'VE HAD IT! YOU ARE GOING TO WALK BACK TO YOUR ROOM!"

"Botan…I changed my mind about the River Styx…I want to die…"

"MARCH!"

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**Author's Note: I hope you guys understood that explanation. And in What Happened To My Life, I didn't describe the garden nearly as well as I should have, so I made this description extra long to make up for that.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Spirit Power**

**Sunday, June 15th, 2005**

Do I even have to _tell_ you how much I hate this place? Do I? Do I even have to say that my life is now a living hell? Do I even have to tell you that a creepy lady with a stick is teaching me how to walk in an un-walk-able piece of clothing? Are you even surprised that she's gotten me up at the crack of dawn, when I had 6 hours sleep, to practice walking down the hallway outside my room? Do I even need to get across the point that Botan has turned into a Nazi with, instead of a nuke, a freaking paddle?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, go drown yourself.

Botan sighs. She's completely lost her voice. She just motions for me to keep going. "Try it again." She whispers hoarsely.

"And again! And again! And again!"

"Yes."

"NEVERRRRRRRR!" I yell, and make a mad series of hops to the door. It's much more dignified than it looks. Before I'm even three feet away from the door, Botan has slapped her paddle against the door, locking it, preventing my escape.

"Never, you say?" She whispers, as menacingly as a sprite with blue hair can be.

She suddenly rams into me and shoves me onto the floor. She escapes while I'm on the ground, slams the door shut with her paddle, and I hear her whizzing down the hall.

"YOU CAN GET BREAKFAST WHENEVER YOU WANT!"

Why does she hate me? Damn it, I'll get up. I'll get up off the floor. I'll prove to her that I can do it without her. I'll do it. I'll get up and I won't trip even once. I'll take just a little while.

**Quite a While Later:**

You know what? I am going to go to Enma (if I ever get off this floor) and tell him to send me to hell. I will end my suffering.

Assuming that I ever get off this floor and my insides don't implode from hunger.

_I am getting off this floor. _I think with all my might, willing it to be true. Or at least reach some higher being that pities me. Nothing. I think the thought again. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing…

Hey, I'm in the spirit world. The fairy realm. Since anything is possible in a fairy realm, if I think about it hard enough, it'll come true. That's all it's going to take.

"I will get off this floor. I will get off this floor. It's easy to get off this floor."

I wait for something to happen.

Nothing does.

Ugh, how did I get off the floor before? Back in that room, how did I get my hands to glow? Come on, come on, think…

_I shut my eyes back there._

I shut them in a hurry, and wait for something. Still nothing! What am I doing wrong?

"STAND UP!" I scream. Nothing. "STAND! GLOW! WORK! _I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MY HANDS IF THEY DON'T PUT ON A LIGHT SHOW RIGHT THIS SECOND!_"

I open my eyes to regular boring hands.

I shut them again. "I call on the power of the mighty Hands Gods to give me the power to glow. Glow! PLEASE!" Nothing. So words don't work. Yeah, yeah, I didn't say anything back there when they _did_ light. Maybe I have to combine thoughts and shut eyes.

_I call on something or other to make light in my hands!_

I feel a heat in my hands, and I open my eyes hurriedly. THERE IT IS! OH MY GOD! THERE IT IS! My hands, all the way up to the wrists, are encased in that blue fire. I stare in awe. It's even more beautiful than last time.

Then, it flickers.

NO! _Sustain, sustain, don't go out, stay there, stay there, please don't go, stay there…_

The fire rekindles.

I squeal. I have to think to make it work. I was right!

While chanting 'sustain' and 'don't go' in my mind, I place them down on the floor next to me and prepare to be sprung.

Nothing happens. I gaze at both hands. The fire has gone out.

I screech in frustration and think, violently, _BRING THE FREAKING FIRE BACK!_

And it comes back, only extremely intensified. Instead of an electric light around the edges, my hands are each at the center of a raging ball of blue fire. Two fireballs.

I clasp my hands together, and the two fireballs mold together to make a huge one, giving off waves of comforting heat.

Then, it touches my kimono.

And ignites it.

"WAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream, as I feel the fire licking my left leg, staring in a panic, unsure of what to do. I frantically roll around on the ground, to no avail.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I start thrashing around, screaming all the while and praying to something—anything—that can save my life.

I slam my face into the floor by accident and I definitely feel something pop.

In my dizziness, the fire disappears.

Whew. Haha, I guess I lost a little control of things there…haha…

(Dies).

I drag myself over to the door, and just manage to stretch up enough to grab the doorknob and escape. _Why didn't I just do that before? _I belly-crawl out, and in minutes, I am lying facedown, sprawled in the middle of the hallway.

I roll over and admire my ruined kimono. Maybe they won't notice. It's not very big. I look back in the room. There is ash lying all over the ground, and bed covers have been completely ripped off. If I'm careful they might not notice that either.

Oh yeah right. I have to get out of here.

But how? I can't use the fire, it might totally…

FIRE!

OMG! IT'S COMING OF IT'S OWN FREE WILL NOW! IT'S ALL OVER MY HANDS! WHAT'S WRONG? GO AWAY, FIRE, GO AWAY—AGH, IT'S EATING MY HANDS! _IT'S EATING MY HANDS!_ NOW IT'S UP TO MY ELBOWS ALREADY! WAGHHHHHHHH! SHOULDERS! NOOOOOOOOO!

"IT'S EATING ME!" I scream. "DON'T LET IT EAT ME! SOMEONE GET THEIR ASS UP HERE AND HELP ME!"

But no one hears. No one gets up their ass to help me. Shit.

"AGHHHHH!" I yell, as the fire consumes my body and then my neck and head. "NOOOOO!"

_DON'T KILL MEEEEEEEE…_

I allow my eyes to flutter open, and all I see is _blue. Blue, blue, blue._ That's all there is. I can see perfectly fine. I look myself over. I don't hurt anywhere. Everything is perfectly natural except for the blue. Huh! Look, my hands aren't glowing anymore. I spin around several times. Oh my god.

I just turned the whole spirit world blue.

I think they're going to notice.

Oh my GOD. I REALLY need to get out of here. First I destroy the kimono, wreck my bedroom, and completely redesign Heaven.

Shit. Anytime the fire wants to eat me would be just fine.

_I need to get out._

Before I even know what happens, something begins to move beneath my body.

An earthquake? Enma's fury?

Oh no, what's happening? Why is it picking up speed? What happened? Have I actually blown the castle? HUH?

I'm rolled onto my back. Back on my face. Onto back. Onto face. Onto back.

Ow……ow…ow…ow, ow, ow, ow, owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow—

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

I can't even shut my eyes. All I can see was the support beam flying towards me, and after that, the ceiling fan, and after that, the roof.

CRASH. SMASH, SHATTER, CLINK. CRUSH! SMASH, CRASH, SLASH, TINK, CRUMBLE, DIE. I'M SURROUNDED BY GLASS. I'M SURROUNDED BY GLASS AND IT'S CRASHING EVERYTHING INTO MILLION OF SPIRITUAL PIECES.

SHIT.

I squeeze my eyes shut, and pray for anything that's listening, _STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!_

The glass thing. Disappears.

Oh, holy muffin, I'm dead NOW.

Three seconds later, I hit the ground without knowing how. I couldn't try to describe what happened if I tried. Maybe my next comment will sum it up.

_This sucks._

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I wake up with a huge pain in my back in what seems like hours later, in the same exact spot. Why has no one tried to find me yet—oh, there's Kurama and Yukina. Never mind.

"You guys…" I groan. Yukina takes her ice-cold healer's hands off me. Kurama, as I turn around, continues to sprinkle green salt on my back.

"It's a wonder you're not dead." They say in unison.

I sit up, and immediately receive a jolt of pain from my lower back. "Ow…what's wrong with me?"

Kurama sighs. "You flew clean through the wall, making a nice Katrina-shaped hole, landed on the ground flat on your face, several pounds of rubble fell on your back and head, apparently you were conscious for most of it, and were blabbering about deodorizing knifes, or something of the sort."

"Oh yeah. And I—" I realize too late and cover up the huge burn in my kimono.

"And you destroyed your kimono. Not like we care. It was probably the kimono that saved your life, because it has so many padded layers."

"But…what happened to the fire?" I glare at my hands. "I nearly killed myself."

"Which brings us to our next point." Kurama sighs. "Yukina, get Botan. Quickly." He turns back to me as she hurries off. "Training."

"What about training?"

"To ensure that you never lose control of your powers again like that. Apparently, erasing your memories destroys your previous control over your power. So, we need to do it all over again."

Is it just me, or does he sound like he's pitying me?

With a whoosh, Botan returns. She wears a great big smirk on her face.

Oh no. Something…a little thing in my memory is telling me…death lies ahead.

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**Everyone! I have a request for you all. Please give me a link in a review or in email (review preferred but whatever) to the very worst fanfiction or fictionpress story you have ever read. Thanks!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Genkai**

**Sunday, June 15th, 2005**

"Why are you smiling at me like that, Botan?"

Botan just giggles, and evil glints in her eyes. "I'm taking you to a very old friend of yours."

"Well, who is he?" I gingerly stand and she sits me on the end of her paddle.

"She." Botan corrects. "I think you'll remember when you see her." Her smirk widens, and she mutters something remarkably like, "You'll get what you deserve."

She accelerates on her paddle. I almost lose my grip before I feel the air rushing past my face in an instant. I shut my eyes and prepare myself for a long journey when she just stops dead, jolting my neck, not having flown even thirty seconds.

"Here you are." I let go, and fall only four feet onto the stone floor to land in front of nothing more than a doorway. From what she told me, I sort of expected a cavern. But it _is_ pretty unusual—it isn't brown, or even rainbow colored. It's made of pure, black, stainless steel. It doesn't look like anything could get through it, not even a bomb.

Botan gets off her paddle and raps on the wall next to the door. "Genkai? Genkai, open up! I have a new charge for you!" We wait a few seconds, and she adds, "You'll get to pick on someone!"

_Genkai. The Dragon. That's where I've heard her name, Kurama said something about her once, how her power is astronomical, she can defeat almost anything—_

"UH!" I yelp. "Botan, why exactly am I here?"

"So you don't go through any more walls or burn yourself up." She says. "Shhh!"

I hear a grunt in approval followed by an ominous creaking. Oh. It's the door. But what's opening it? It's slowly inching open, back into the pitch-dark room. I've sure I've seen this in a horror movie before. The door opens into a black room and the stupid heroic main character goes inside and gets eaten by a huge snail. No, not snail…slug? No…something else that's slimy…a clam? _Why_ does my mind keep settling on clams?

As it creaks open, I can hear more and more creepy music playing inside. It's the kind you hear when something is about to rush out and dismember you. Crap. I won't even be able to run away in this goddamn kimono, and I'm so sore from throwing myself through the wall…

Finally, with a bang, the door hits the wall behind it, momentarily rattling the floor. I shiver, and try to see inside for any giant clams with fangs that bite your ears off. _Where is all this clam shit coming from?_ No…no, it's too dark to see anything. It's completely dark and it's playing that odd music. I glance at Botan. She looks like this is perfectly normal.

"Genkai! Genkai, can you turn on the light?"

A creepy voice calls from within it, "I'm resting. What do you want?"

"With all that music on?"

"It calms my nerves. Again, _what do you want_?"

"Botan…" I whisper, grabbing ahold of her kimono sleeve. "What exactly _is_ Genkai? A vampire?"

"That's actually up for debate. She has this hunger…well, I shouldn't say." She says calmly, and turns her attention back to the thing in the shadows. "Come on, Genkai, please turn on the light."

I hear an exasperated moan, and all of a sudden the lights flick on. I gasp at what's inside. It's an incredibly huge room. Every single piece of exercise equipment that was ever invented is in there. Seven types of treadmills, 18 pairs of arm weights, and a million other things that probably exercise some weird little organ like your pancreas. They're all arranged in a circle around a huge shiny square of bare wooden flat floor, which takes up most of the room by itself. This is a true training gym.

Okay, so she's not a vampire. She's some kind of juggernaut or giantess…I scan the room, and in the corner, hidden behind a treadmill, is a sheet hanging from the ceiling. It's very long, so she must be a giantess. Oh God. I can see the sheet moving. It wiggles (GENKAI IS COMING OUT OH GOD!) and writhes, and then, something really, really short makes it's way out from behind it. It's a…it's a…

It's a little old lady?

I can only stare. Botan pulls my arm cheerfully into the room. As we get closer and closer, I can see that she is part of the weird hair group as well, with graying pink hair and a wrinkled face. She's ten inches shorter than Hiei, and she's wearing a little red-green-white tunic, and her face looks like it was carved out of stone.

_This_ is the feared beast? No, no, maybe one of her minions…after all I've heard of the fearsome and beautiful warrior Genkai from Hiei and Kurama, this _has_ to be her serving maid or something.

"How are you doing? Did you sleep well?" Botan chirps, sweeping into a low bow and dragging me into a bow as well.

"I was…"

She smiles genially. "I've brought you your pupil! We've decided, against Melita's orders, that the training really can't wait. Surely you understand…?"

I slowly bring my eyes up from the floor to her eyes. She looks at me evenly. Something wriggles free from my memory…_I hate this woman._

"She really _has_ forgotten, hasn't she? For you to get her into a kimono…" She chuckles evenly.

"Well, it was a real pain. Keiko can tell you. You see, she can still access her spirit power."

"Is that so…? I'd expect nothing less from Yusuke, let alone this one." She meets my gaze. "Well, in that case, Katrina, let's get started. I am Genkai, and I specialize in training the spirits of young people to become great warriors."

"Like you?" I grumble. "I mean…"

"Ugh." Is all she says.

Botan suddenly laughs. "Well, bye!" She jumps back on her paddle and flies out the door, which slams behind her.

I turn my gaze back to the old woman. She nods at me.

"I'll let you have a look around while I go finish my roast turkey. If you really have forgotten everything, that is."

She turns away, and I'm left standing in the same spot while she comes out with a bowl of something hot. She sits on the edge of one of her mysterious exercisers and eats it, right in front of me, staring at me so hard that I feel my eyes dripping out of my head.

It takes me almost ten minutes to work up the courage to squeak out, "So you're Genkai."

"Indeed." She nods, finishing her turkey.

"I have heard so much about the beautiful and fearsome warrior, the first female Dragon, the woman so quick with a sword she made knights fall to their knees in seconds. And you're—you're—"

She gives me a look devoid of emotion. "Apparently, stupidity is not reduced with a memory transfer. A pity. Katrina, even the best are not immortal. I was the Dragon, and still am."

I glare at her, trying to seem as intimidating as possible. "Why am I here?"

"First off, we want you to control your power so you don't consume the spirit world in flames."

"…I'm that powerful?" I stare at her, this little old woman.

"Of course not. I said that for dramatic effect. Now then, to business. As Botan so vulgarly put it, I'm to be basically your governess for a few months."

I stare at her in shock, and a smile shoots across my face. "Are you serious?"

She blinks, a little wary. "Yes…"

"THIS IS AMAZING! I don't have to be taught by Botan anymore! A little old lady is going to teach me how to serve _tea_! Oh, I _love_ tea! And I love sewing and being polite and being taught by a nice old governess! Thank you so much!" I scream, and bend down to hug her.

She teleports away almost instantly, so that she's 5 feet away from me. She just stares at me, and says one word. "Eww." She pauses. "What made you think I'd be your governess?"

"You…just said it…"

"I did not say governess. I said animal trainer. And—"

"You totally said governess." I mutter.

A huge vein suddenly stands out on her temple. "You'll be QUIET—" Suddenly, her hands flare up in a bright golden fire, in two perfectly round spheres, and in some kind of Kung Fu, she whirls her arms in a circle and shoots the fire directly at my head. "—WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

I scream and duck, and naturally lose my balance and fall flat on my back. The fire passes above my body and fizzles out when it hits the wall.

I pant, fighting off shock.

"The fighting style of Bagh-wa." She says, walking to my side and standing over me. "Let's start over, shall we? You wanted to know what I teach?"

I just glare at her. She seems to take that for a yes.

"Now this is going to be fun to explain. Katrina, the kimono you're wearing is an amazing work of modern engineering. I myself made it."

"You really_ are_ going to teach me to sew."

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK!" She summons up the golden fire and aims for my head. I whirl my body of the line of fire and try to stand to no avail. I hear the flame hit and obviously make a huge soot mark.

She walks next to me and holds the fire in front of my face as a very eminent threat. "Anyway. The kimono had a third underlying purpose as well." Genkai says with a wicked smile. "It's actually impossible to walk in."

I stare at her in shock. "So then…all those lessons…"

"SHUT UP!" She fires again, and I finally get the hint as I just manage to dodge.

"No one alive can walk in it without tripping. I made it with a super-heavy rough fabric, for discomfort, 3 more under-robes than the usual so that your legs are useless, a very long hem, for further tripping purposes, and an obi that's about 20 feet longer than usual, so you can't get up if you fall. It's the perfect machine for impaired movement."

I can't say anything. I just stare at her, boasting the night away.

"I'll come back to that. Spirit Power. Do you know what that is?"

I stare dead ahead like a statue.

"I didn't think so. There's four powers—Nether, Spirit, Human, and Demon. I specialize in spirit power because I am neither human nor demon and certainly not a Nether. Spirit Power is your mental energy converted into a solid light. Whenever you need something badly and can't do it with your human/physical strength, the spirit power takes over and does it for you. Follow?"

Still in marble-statue mode.

"Now, you, by birth, have a lot of spirit power. It's in your genes. And you were a very impressive wielder of it before that fool Melita erased all your knowledge. But when Melita erased your memories, she didn't even consider if she'd erased your aptitude for spirit power as well. So, I made the kimono. If your spirit power was still accessible, something would have happened to make you walk. Do you wonder why we were starving you?" I say nothing. "Oh, talk, you dimwit."

I was on my way. "Wait. Hold on. You didn't let me walk and didn't feed me to see if my inner magic would kick in and bring me there. All to see if I was still _working._"

"Wow. That's actually a very good way of explaining things, considering how much a dimwit you are. Or at least, were."

I stare at this evil woman in confusion. "Why not just explain to me right up front what it was, and try to explain to me how to do it?"

"Frankly, because Melita said not to, for whatever reason. I certainly wanted to. I didn't want to wait for you to destroy yourself." She smirks. "And look! I'm right."

"Who is this Melita everyone keeps talking about? Why does she carry such authority?"

"She's an old friend of Koenma's and mine, and an expert of the human mind. We are careful to consult her according to your affairs. But that's none of your business. Shall we start? I've told you all that you need."

"Are you kidding me? No way! You still haven't told me what you're supposed to be doing."

"SILENCE!" She screams, and throws more fire at my face. "YOU'LL DO AS YOU'RE TOLD!" I open my mouth in protest, and she adds menacingly, "Or I can have Botan make you try to walk in that kimono for the rest of your days."

I pull on a fake smile. "What are your rules, Master?"

"Master. I like that. Call me Master. You are made to serve me and only me. Should you ever—"

"I'm a student, not a slave."

"You're a slave. Definitely slave. Who said anything about being a student?"

"You did!"

"Well, you're a slave. That's why you shall refer to me as Master. First on the list is don't touch any of the equipment unless I tell you to."

"Wait! I mean…oh, come on, let me speak! I don't even know what I've signed up for. What training?"

She suddenly shoots out a small beam of electric light and it rapidly affixes itself to my face. My mouth specifically. In a second, I feel a burning pain run all through my body. I almost scream before it stops in an instant.

"Stay silent. You are to report here every day after breakfast so we can train you. I am going to teach you to control your aura. Apparently, from what Botan says, you still have a knack for it. You managed to fly through a wall after using a bubble of sorts?"

I answer the question with the full knowledge she'll kill me. "That was the spirit power?"

"Well, what did you think it was?"

"Bright…blue…fire?"

"Idiot. You haven't changed a bit. I'm going to teach you to be able to do that at will, along with numerous other techniques."

"Why?"

She gives me a look. "Because I rather feel like it. I've been getting a little bit _bored_…"

_Why _is she eying my neck?

"I'm training you to become a weapon, at Melita's order. So, you have to take this seriously. Otherwise, I'll shoot you."

"Yes…_Master_. Think of me as a goddamn _rock_ to hit people with…"

"Good girl. Let's start. Go to the middle of the floor. But be warned, this is some rigorous training. Not at all what you might be thinking."

"I can take anything you throw at me."

"As you wish, stupid. Let's start with throwing things."

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"AGH!" I scream, as she chucks yet another deadly shuriken throwing star at me. Oh my god…oh my god…oh my god…YES! I get out of the way just in time, and the blade sinks its teeth into the floor behind me. I rub my left arm, which has 8 cuts in it from preventing eight of them from hitting my face. Thank God the kimono is taking most of the hits.

"My, have you been practicing?" She asks sardonically. "That's the second one out of ten that you've avoided successfully."

I refuse to rise to the bait. She throws another one at me when I'm least expecting it and one careless move on my part sends it digging into my calf. I scream a horrible scream, as theatrically as I can, and barely manage to stay upright.

"You stupid _child._ Katrina, if you can't even make it through the first day, than you don't even deserve to be here. Katrina, the kimono has _another_ purpose…"

"JUST HOW MANY PURPOSES DOES IT HAVE?"

She hurls a shuriken at me in punishment. "Well, it's so incredibly thick that it cushions you from many of the blows that you would be receiving. Look at the shuriken stuck in your leg. I'm willing to bet the tip didn't even touch your skin. That's because of all the layers of under-robes. The same with your sleeves. See?" She teleports over to me and wrenches the blade out of my calf. I scream as loudly as I can, but I actually feel no pain.

"Shut it, dimwit." She says, hitting my leg with the force of a bus, and I cry out of real pain this time. "Show no fear or pain in a battle."

"You know, how about _you_ wear the kimono and _I_ try to annihilate _you_."

She throws a spirit fire at me, and I lunge out of way, falling down again. "I'm not the one that needs practice. It's you. You're doing horrible at dodging."

"It…is really, _really_, _really_, _really_, _really_, _REALLY _hard to dodge when one is in a dress."

"Having constricted legs forces you to keep your balance perfectly. It's great in the long run. If you ever are let out of that thing, you'll have _perfect_ balance. No joke. Although, I don't know, maybe you're just too stupid…"

Rage consumes my heart, and I shut my eyes. _Bring the fire…glow, glow, glow…make light go to my hands…_

I feel heat in my hands, and I push it with my mind, making it bigger and stronger. When I feel two fireballs, I press my hands together to make a big one. I open my eyes, and there it is. _If she can throw magic, so can I. _I bring my hands back and throw it at her, a huge ball of molten blue flame—

Then, she disappears and does such a blindingly fast move that all I feel, in one second, is a searing pain in my stomach. She…she's grinding my own spirit power into my body. Somehow, she caught it. My eyes flutter and I fall face first onto the ground.

"That was amazing…" I mutter.

She steps over me. "And it all begins with simple dodging."

I slowly pick myself up. "What was that?"

"That was the Hung Gar style of Kung Fu. It's an amazing technique with strong transitions, and brute force to match. Really a beautiful art."

"How will dodging shuriken help me to do that?" I grumble. "I can't catch magic or—"

"Stop calling it magic."

"When do I get to work with the spirit energy, then? The blue stuff?"

She just chucks a shuriken at me, and it hits me, being at such close range.

"That was totally unfair! What did I do?"

"YOU TALKED, YOU STUPID NITWIT!"

Another shuriken is hurled right at my face.

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**Author's Note: Take your pick of what happens next: reviewer that gets it gets 2000 dollars**

**A. We find out about the mysterious Melita-who-messed-with-Kat's-memories (hint: NO)**

**B. Hiei finds out about her memory loss**

**C. Genkai places a well-earned shuriken between Katrina's eyes**

**D. Katrina gets run over by a bus**

**E. I tell you that you don't actually get 200 dollars and you're just required to review.**

**E!**


	18. Chapter 18

**No one reviews anymore...**

**Chapter 18: Memory Recovery**

**Sunday, June 15th, 2005**

The ground flies up of its own free will to slam into my face. I so did not just fall. I'm drowning in my own sweat. The air space ten feet around me is going to smell absolutely disgusting until I next get a shower. Apparently, sweating is _good_ when you're training. Only, Genkai won't let me get a drink. So, I'm shriveling up into a freaking _raisin_. That's probably been her plan all along.

"Get up, Katrina. It's only been 15 minutes."

"There's no way in the world that it's only been 15 minutes."

"Well, it has. It is now…7:45. You started at 7:25. Oh, my mistake, _20_ minutes." I don't move. "Suck it up."

"Kon?" I ask. "Who the hell is Kon?"

"That's your name. Katrina Misuki Kon. Or maybe it was Minami. Just get up. You're never going to get better if you don't push yourself. You can't give up and hope to be perfectly trained. You're just a little sweaty and tired."

(In pool of perspiration and dying of exhaustion, in case anyone cares.) I don't move. I don't care anymore. Sooner or later, she'll give up.

Or maybe I don't know her as well as I thought.

She shocks me by screaming, right in my ear, "Katrina! You want some more kimono camp?"

I tiredly push myself up. "Why do you have to keep holding that over my head?" I ask, rubbing my left ear. "I'm just tired…"

"You'll just have to deal with that! Why, I'm 76 and moving ten times more agilely than you, you big dim oaf!"

I'm too tired to fight back. I just stand up again and face her, waiting for her to throw another shuriken. At least I'm getting a little bit better.

"Katrina?" Genkai asks. "Before we start again, I just want to say that your body has done this all before. Just let your body do it and stop overanalyzing it. If you don't question yourself, your body should be able to do it on it's own. Why do you think I started you out with shuriken and not with something easier like peanuts, say?"

"Because you don't want to waste your peanuts? Is that rhetorical?"

"No! Because your body can remember this! Katrina, it's been about…two months or so since we really practiced this. Your body knows what to do. You're trying all these fancy little dives to get out of the way and it's not working. Without that kimono for protection, you probably _would_ be dead now. So, try it that way."

"But I don't know what you—" She throws one at me without warning, and I gasp and just get out of the way.

"NO! You just got lucky there with that flailing ballerina thing you won't let go of! Let your body do it! Focus and yet don't focus."

"HOW CAN I FOCUS IF I'M NOT _SUPPOSED_ TO FOCUS?" I yell. She answers by throwing another blade. I stare at it coming towards me, and I don't fall on the ground this time. I just shimmy to the side, and it flies past with about 3 inches between it and me.

"_That_ was it. That's how I taught you. See how easy that was?"

"Yeah. Wow. Am I done?"

To answer my question, she throws another shuriken, and I do it wrong. Another, I do it wrong. _Another,_ I do it wrong. Another, I get it right. Another, I get it wrong. Another, I get it wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Right. Right. Right! Wrong. Wrong. Right. Right. Ah, there we go. The trick is simply not to question my body's actions and my body actually does seem to know what to do. This is actually pretty easy! I start seeing the shuriken in slow motion, estimating the speed and velocity…

Before I know it, Genkai blows a whistle hanging on a cord around her neck. "Okay, time to start doing laps around the gym!"

"I can't run in this!" I gesture to the kimono.

"I didn't say you had to _run._" She says, with a peculiar glint in her eye. She's trying to tell me something.

Oh. I get it now.

_Fire, fire, fire in my hands…NO! STOP! A bubble to surround me…no fire in my hands, cancel that…a bubble to make me move…_

I feel a nice breeze rattling around my body, and I see only a blue world around me on all sides. PERFECT! I'm standing on the bottom of my sphere…ready to roll…haha…

Then, it pops. Blue sparkles fall all around me, and I stare in shock. But I was sustaining it perfectly! What happened?

Then, Genkai slaps me on the arm from behind. I whirl around. She glares at me. What'd I do?

"Perhaps I should have been more specific. I meant _hopping._ I already said, we're not doing spirit power for a long time. So, don't do it. If I ever catch you doing it, you're going to be in incredible trouble."

"Why?"

"Because you aren't trained and it's dangerous when you're not trained. I don't care how pretty it looks. Never do it again. Also, Melita says it could be dangerous to your brain."

"Okay, okay…wait. Did you say _hop?_"

"Indeed. Get started."

"You must be kidding. Even you're not that cruel."

"MOVE IT!" She blows her whistle so hard it gives me a headache.

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"All right, the 2 hours are up! Not a bad job at the end there, Katrina. Interesting use of your…body drag. I didn't know it was possible to push oneself by the arms for 15 laps…"

I restrain my rude comment as her hands glow just slightly yellow.

"So, I'll see you here at seven thirty tomorrow. And don't come with anyone. They're just distractions. Don't eat breakfast, either. You're going to have to deal with low food supply, it builds character."

""WE'RE IN THE ARMY NOW, _OH_, WE'RE IN THE ARMY NOW!" I belt out.

She punches me in the stomach, and I recoil.

"I can't believe you don't remember what I used to make you do. And…don't let anyone take you up here, either. You have to get up here using purely your brawn. Remember, no bubbles."

"But I can't get up here by myself without using a bubble…"

"This is the physical part of the training. When I start teaching you about your spirit power, then you can start using it to get around. But for now, find a way to get up here by yourself. And Katrina, believe me, we will know if you start using your spirit power. We can sense it a mile away because you have so damn _much_ of it."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Well? Why are you still here? Move on! Get down to your room! You're going to need sleep, since apparently two months away from this training made you weak. Go. And don't be late to the next meeting. I mean it. Well, GO!" She actually kicks me to make me stand up.

I begin to hop as fast as I can towards the door, almost tripping over a treadmill. I try to rid my mind of the image of that mile-wide vein sticking out of her forehead. The door swings open to admit me through, and without looking back, I turn left and begin to tumble down the stairs. At least I'm falling in a very dignified way. And the entire thing is downhill, too.

It's probable that I'll break my neck, but I won't have to do any _work_ for it.

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I stretch an aching arm up to the doorknob, and open it with a fair amount of pain. I crawl over to the bed and drag myself up into the bed with my arms alone. Oh, curse this kimono with its 18 different purposes. I'm sure there's more that they haven't told me about yet.

I'm bruised all over the place and I have lots of little scabs dotting my arms where the shuriken successfully penetrated the robes to touch my skin. I hurt all over. Even I'm not sure why I'm not dead yet, after falling at least twenty times. I think I'm going to cry. This has been a terrible day. I discover that I have an amazing power to make fire, and now I can't even use it. They're going to force me to work hard when I could just do things the easy way. This sounds suspiciously like they're trying to teach me something.

Carefully inching my body up like a worm, I shiver and work my way under the covers. I'm so hungry…I'm so hungry…one piece of toast is not enough at all…well, maybe they'll wake me up when it's lunchtime…

Just when I'm on the brink of sleep, I hear voices outside the door. Either that, or several of multiple personalities are getting into a war. I open one ear to the noises. It sounds like they're coming up the hall.

"Don't tell her. You know what those memories did to her!" It seems to be Kurama.

"She only gave Yukina a slight scratch. Not enough to draw blood, even. I really think that she has some sort of self-control as the demon…"

"No. She was totally lost. If we hadn't restrained her… No. Don't tell her, Keiko, I'm warning you. If Melita hadn't erased her memories, she'd have done a whole lot more damage."

"But what if she wakes up? What if Enma actually revives her? Seriously, how are you going to keep the two away from each other? Katrina is going to find out if she wakes—"

"She's not _going_ to wake up. There's no way she can be brought out of that state. Why are you obsessing over this? There's nothing we can do for her. If we play it right, Katrina will never even know about her."

Keiko huffs. "Well, don't blame me if—"

"You know, we're right outside her door. Keep quiet about her, I mean it. The signs mean nothing. Go on, give her the food."

The door creaks open and I try desperately to pretend I'm asleep.

Keiko enters. I stare at her with eyelids lowered to slits. She looks like she hasn't bathed in weeks. Such dirty hair. You know, do they even _have_ showers up in the sky? Maybe I'll have to bathe in the rain, and some poor pedestrian down on earth is going to get hit with some really toxic water.

She walks in with a bowl of soup on a tray, looking pretty pissed off. She hands it to me, with one word: "Eat." She sits on the edge of my bed and stares at me.

I gobble down the soup as fast as I can with aching arms and useless legs. I refuse to acknowledge her for about ten seconds. If I say something, a question about what they were talking about might slip out. When I get my tongue under control, I finally speak.

"So when are you giving me back my mattress?" I ask.

Keiko blinks, then she seems to realize. She gives me a flat look with eyes that seem to be closed to what I have to say, like when one is in a nursing home full of senile old people like Genkai. "Oh yes. You think I stole your mattress?"

"I _know_ you stole my mattress."

She sighs, and continues staring. "Katrina, I seriously don't know what you're talking about. Why don't you just call it quits with that whole accusation?"

"Because it's true! I distinctly remember sleeping in another bed before I woke up here."

She nods. "That might be a shadow of a memory. Katrina, I might as well tell you this right now. Things are going to start coming back to you, vaguely, slowly. Melita's memory suppression isn't perfect. If you see something that reminds you of a certain event, depending on what it is, you'll probably remember at least part of it. I think you're remembering your own mattress and you're…really attached to it or something. Do you know what another purpose of the kimono is?"

At this, I scream a bloodcurdling string of gibberish, right in her face, ending with, "Do you guys have _lives? _Or do you just sit around all day thinking up more ways to chain me where I stand?"

She huffs. "I'll ignore that. It's to prevent you from walking places you shouldn't be going."

Realization hits me. This was the true reason why Genkai didn't want me to use Spirit Power. It would give me mobility.

"I think it's useless, and the whole memory suppression thing seems wasted on you. I have no idea why Melita insisted on it. Some sort of accident…but anyway…"

"How am I supposed to live without memories?"

"How are _we_ supposed to live with you useless like this? I don't know!" She yells, and seems like she's going to hit me, but contents herself with ripping away the tray out of my hands, causing the empty bowl to shoot off onto the floor and shatter into a million pieces. She utters a curse and flies out the door in a rage, probably getting someone else to clean it up.

Why…why did she just freak out on me?

But never mind that. Somehow, I have to outwit the kimono and find the key to the door with all the memories. Kurama and Keiko must have been talking about waking my memories up, but Kurama didn't think it was a good idea. So, if I find he key to unlock that door myself…I'm home free.

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**Author's Note: So, now we have a plotline. "RECOVER THE MEMORIES!" I realized that was the kind of problem with chapters up to this point. And there's Melita, too…I sort of added her in last-minute to make a plot, you know?**


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